Feeling Human

I am finally starting to feel like a normal person again.  I don't think I realized how sick I was until I wasn't.  I guess that is a funny way of putting it. 

I brought my running stuff with me to work.  If Kim doesn't have to pick up her baby from the nanny she will 'run' with me after work.  I don't expect to break any speed records, distance either.  I am looking forward to a little bit of movement though.  I am sure it will hurt good, lol.  I feel bad because she is at least 2 minutes per mile faster then me.  But, I haven't ran in 6 weeks so I am sure she understands I am kind of starting from zero.

I looked up the Jeff Galloway marathon training program.  It is 30 weeks so I have plenty of time to train for the marathon in November.  I am both nervous and excited.  I look at the schedule and think I can totally do that.  Of course it is 30 weeks!!  That is a long freaking time.  The biggest obstacle I think will be the heat.  That and keeping the motivation level up over that length of time.  I really wish we had a Galloway training program here that I could sign up for.  Actually, I should check with the running store and see if they would allow someone to train there using the Galloway method.  I know they charge for the program.  I am not a strong enough runner to lead a group like that.  Maybe someday.

I really wanted to get my next tattoo before I started to run again; I want to get "The Journey of a Thousand Miles" along the side of my foot.  Can't really do that and run you need to give it at least a month to heal before you can wear socks.  Who knows when it will happen. 

Eating is kind of off the charts.  My weight was up to 111 this morning, which is where I like to keep it.  It will be hard to maintain without any restriction though.  I have regained my love for fast food.  I am trying really hard to resist as much as possible and keep portions in check if I do give in.  I forgot just how hard it is.  I have an appointment with the gastro doctor tomorrow morning and we can schedule the scope and see if there are any problems with the band.  Once that is done we can start to fill it up again.  I know I won't have it as full as it was but it is better than nothing.   

I feel like all I do now is eat and think about food.  It sucks.  I hope they can get me in to do the scope on Monday so I can get this behind me.  I am stuck in bandster hell all over again.  I would like to be able to maintain with more will p

I completely forgot to show you guys my new geek glasses!!!  I have been wearing my contacts so I haven't had a chance to get a picture of them....

I am totally geeked out today.  My bangs started to get on my nerves, so I braided them back, then my shoes started to hurt my feet so I dug my running socks out of my gym bag.  I am looking like a straight up poindexter!

nothing as sexy as slicked back hair, glasses, leggings, and socks.  Lock up your men folk ladies.

fill free day one

I had a spinach Florentine bagel for breakfast.  Like the entire 400 + calorie bagel.  It was good too.  And I'm hungry.  Must get food under control!!!

I have some pizza that Dennis brought home from work yesterday that I will eat for lunch.  Something called a white cheezy; 4 Types of Cheese Including Feta, Bacon, Onions, Tomatoes, Butter Garlic Sauce...without the bacon because I don't like meat on my pizza.  I had a piece for dinner last night and it was amazing. 

I am in control of my food, food does not control me.

I am feeling so much better.  I still have some tightness in my chest but I am sure that will take a few days to go away.  It will all work out.  I hope to be back the first week of May.

This weekend will suck since I am not going to be in the City but I am going to try to make the best of it hanging out with my sister, getting our toes done for spring.  I will have to flutter my eyelashes and beg Dennis for some shopping money.  All these doctor's appointments have left me BROKE.

Speaking of doctors, I called the dentist and my tooth still isn't finished so it looks like it will be another week at least before I get my implant finished.  Jeez.

 

the calm, fingers crossed

The doctor didn't take all of the fluid out of my band but he did take out over half. 

To recap recent events, and as y'all have heard me bitch about, I have been sick for weeks.  I went to urgent care and they told me I had bronchitis.  I thought it might have been my band but I was running 102 fever so I thought it would blow over.  I coughed so much that I would sit up in my sleep and throw up.  Lots of nights on the couch and recliner.  About a week later I tried to run a 5K loop and my lungs wouldn't do it.  So I called my regular doctor and got additional antibiotics (she said that a Z-Pak wouldn't touch bronchitis) steroids, etc.  Another week, more coughing but with chest pains this time in addition to the fever and everything else.  I spent the better part of the day at my doctor yesterday having EKG, chest X-rays, breathing treatments, the whole nine yards.  Everything looked fine but she is going to set up an upper GI with the gastro doctor to just check things out.  Last night was another night spent coughing up a lung and running fever.  She called and talked to Dr. A and they decided that my esophagus was really inflamed and decided that I needed to have most of the fluid removed and give everything time to heal.  I have only worked one day this week because I have been physically exhausted and could hardly sit up for anytime without feeling light headed. 

I think I am left with maybe 2CC's in my band.  I usually have 5.4 or so.  Of course I can get filled but damn if those $150 appointments don't add up.

For now I am supposed to take Mylanta and get some rest and food; my weight was down to 105.  As a matter of fact there is a froyo place by the doctor's office and Dr. A walked me down and made me get some.  Funniest trip to the "diet" doctor ever. 

For now I have big plans for a food truck event next weekend.  I'm not sure how long it will take for everything to heal but I consider myself lucky that I am not in the hospital. 

As far as running goes, it isn't.  I called the friend I was going to stay with and told her I was out for this weekend.  Joplin is in two weeks and I am going to blow that one off too.  Both doctors said it was going to take awhile to get the endurance back.  I am signed up for St. Louis RNR in October and I plan to regroup and kick ass at that one.  As a matter of fact I really want to do the full marathon in Tulsa in November, zero to 100 that's me.

I am anxious to see what the scope shows but I am trying really hard not to think about it.  The last week I kind of reflected on how easy this process has been for me. I really hope it continues to heal and that I am able go back to auto mode.  For now I just have my fingers crossed for a good nights sleep and a full day of work tomorrow so I won't be as stressed over the weekend.  My sister and I are going to have our nails done and eat at Olive Garden...I can seriously see myself gaining a lot of weight fast.  MUST REMEMBER SELF CONTROL!!

Thank so much for all of your support, it really does mean a lot to me and helped calm me down while I was in full freak out mode at the doctor.  I will be back up and running in no time...again, fingers crossed.

Lap band pneumonia?

On my way for an "emergency" unfill. Will give details later.

Is it wrong that losing my band is my biggest worry?

step in the right direction

I decided to go home at lunch yesterday and sleep some more.  Probably the best decision I could have made.  I took a nice little swig from the cough medicine and just chilled.  I slept most of the afternoon and woke up feeling better.  Not much coughing today but I still have that nice mellow codeine haze so I am sure that has helped.  I am trying to push down as much water as I can, which is helping too.  Yesterday I got to the point that nothing tasted good, I couldn't force down another drink or bite, you know it's bad when just water leaves an aftertast.  This morning lemon water isn't causing too much of an aftertaste so again, probably a good thing. 

My new scale seems to be working well.  I am still around 108 so it isn't making sudden jumps and dips like the old ones were.  I think that feels about right too given my lack of appetite with the ick.  Right now I am starving for the first time in over a week.  I broke down and ate a packet of skinny cow clusters.  It was so worth it too.  Might have to drive through Raising Cane and get some chicken fingers for lunch too.  Man my stomach is growling.  Speaking of chicken fingers, am I the only one that thinks the Popeye's chicken "hands" are the most repulsive things ever?  Gross, they look like a witches hand.

Given the way I feel right now I think I will attempt to walk the OKC half.  Of course that is subject to change at any moment.  My cough has died down a lot and I slept really good last night.  I really need to put out a facebook message and see if anyone in the group is going to walk and would let me join up, just to keep me honest.  I also need to be mindful of expenses what with all the dental work and stuff I have been going through.  We still don't know what is going to happen with the furlough crap and I can spend some serious money at a marathon expo. 

Really don't have much else to say.  I slept through Bates Motel last night so I am going to have to stay up long enough to watch it tonight.  Other then that, I think I am going to just lay back.  Shocking I know.  I downloaded Under the Dome last night and started reading it.  Dennis has a geek/ham radio meeting tonight so I will be able to sit with the kids and relax. 

Alright I have to fake working.  Today is the last day of the steriods so I should be starting to shake off some of this funk and be able to concentrate better soon.  Right now I would be just as happy with my head on my keyboard drooling, lol.

balancing acts

I am trying to decide if it is time for a little unfill.  It is really hard to tell since I am on so many medications right now.  High strength antibiotics for the bronchitis crap, which in turn leads to taking probiotics to regulate the bacteria in my belly.  Then there is the acid medication that I am taking to make my belly even feel like eating.  I am down to 108 but I know a lot of it comes from the crud and I am pretty sure once I am able to breath like a normal person I should be able to eat like one too?

I did nothing at all this weekend.  Saturday I slept until 9, got up, took cough medication and slept on the couch all day.  I asked Dennis to take me to the grocery store but he kept telling me that I just needed to sleep.  So, that is what I did.  Sunday was a little better.  For some godforsaken reason there are only 2 stores that carry the make-up brand I wear.  I ordered it online but got the wrong color so I had to take it back or risk being seen at work without makeup.  I got some badly needed shopping done and got out of the house.  Of course I went back into a coma state when I got back home.

So I have a decision to make.  Sunday is the OKC marathon.  I signed up on a whim after Boston and have been sick with the lung crap ever since.  My doctor said the cough from the crud I have can last up to 3 weeks!!  I have not really trained, my last "long" run was March 17 and it was a 9 mile trail run.  Should I chance it?  Should I contact the organizers and ask them if I can cut back to the 5K?  I could say that I would just walk it but that is easier said then done.  Heck, I don't know what to do.  Yeah I am probably making this harder then it should be.

Dennis is taking my little sassy lashes to the vet today to have her put back on diet medication.

She has some really bad food manners and will get into some serious fights at the food bowl.  The medication we put her on works great but OMG it is so freaking expensive.  I asked my doctor if we could just get her put on a band.  It wouldn't be such a big deal if she wasn't missing that back leg but we are really worried that the extra weight will put too much pressure on her knee and hip and she will have a long and slow recovery.  You can tell by looking she is daddy's little girl.

short and sweet

Today is a bittersweet day for Oklahoma.  I am not a country music fan but this song is so strong it makes me cry every time I watch it.

The Change

It also fits the current situation perfectly. 

Hope everyone has a safe and good weekend.

lets see if I got ten things in me today...

1.  I took off early from work on Tuesday and went to the oral surgeon.  The "healing cap" had to removed and it took two people to get it off.  Talk about a small level of discomfort.  They tried on a post to see what would fit the best and then put the healing cap back on.  My jaw was just a little sore.

2.  Before I went to the surgeon I went home and changed into my running stuff so I wouldn't have an excuse to get out of it.  Plus I decided I would do a 5K loop at Lafortune Park so I couldn't just decide I was ready to turn around.  The first mile was horrible.  My legs and lungs felt like they belonged to two different people.  My legs finally warmed up but I never did get my lungs in the game.  I actually had to sit down about half way through and just catch my breath.  Yes, it was windy but that shouldn't make that much of a difference.  I felt really bad as I was getting back into my car and some random guy told me I was doing a good job.  I was all, yeah you too (but I did mean it).  He said yup but you were running.  Talk about making you feel like a phoney.  Big ole 13:22 minute miles, kind of embarrassing. 

3.   Knowing that there is something going on with my lungs I decided to call my doctor and see if she couldn't just add to or increase my medication to see if I can get my lungs healthy again.  She told me that if I am having what I thought was acute asthma I had two choices, come see her the next day at 4:30 or go to the ER.  Preferably not an urgent care.  I decided I would go see her on Wednesday.

4.  Not sure if it was from running outside or what but I coughed all night again on Tuesday night.  Dennis sent me to the recliner to try and drain the crap out of my throat to maybe ease some of the pain and coughing but it was too late.  I tried water, candy, everything but nothing helped.  I called in to work about 4 am and told my boss I was not going to make it in.  At that time I barely had a voice left.  I think I finally fell asleep about 8:30 and slept until it was time to get up and get ready for round two of the dentist.

5.  The oral surgeon sent someone over from their office to help my dentist get the post put on.  They got it fitted...

and honestly it looks like a cool new piercing!!  They wouldn't let me keep it because they said I would end up breaking my other teeth with it.  But how punk rock is that?

WARNING, NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART....

this is what it would look like without the healing cap or post.- this is not my picture of course, they were working on my mouth and wouldn't leave long enough for me to get a good selfie of it.  I did play with the hole with my tongue, which I don't think were too fond of either.  What can I say, I have a strange curiosity about things like that.

 This is what it looks like now with the new bigger healing cap.  They should have the new tooth made in three weeks.

6.  This whole Boston Marathon thing has gotten me all up in arms.  I expected an eventual attack at a sporting event but NOT MY SPORTING EVENT!!  NOT A MARATHON!!  Obviously I will never run Boston unless I get a rich sponsor.  But if I lived close I would have been at that finish line either helping or cheering on finishers with a stupid sign.  If you want to mess with athletes, marathon runners are the wrong ones. 

7.  I went home Monday night and signed up for the OKC half marathon.  Nope I haven't trained and I am not physically the strongest in my life but damn it I will walk this if I have too.  The OKC marathon is the epitome of strength against terror and I will be damned if this is the first one I miss in 5 years.  Depending on the lung situation I may step down to the 5K or I may just walk it and take my time for once (okay maybe not "for once")but I will be there and I will come out with my medal just as proud as if I had finished Boston.  I also think it is neat that OKC is allowing anyone that signed up for Boston and was not allowed to finish a free entry into the race.  People make fun of "Okies" and to me honest, some uses of the word bothers the hell out of me, but we are strong and we do what we can to help others.  Yes I know most states and cities would but I am so glad that most haven't been put in the position to have to test that theory out.  It can really bring not only the region but the nation to its knees.

8.  Let me draw your attention back to number 2 and let you see just how big of an idiot I am.  A normal person would have just signed up to volunteer.  Wish I would have thought of that earlier, DOH.

9.  Speaking of running.  I went by the running store to sign me and my friend Kim up for Run Tulsa Pink.  It is Sunday at 7:40 pm.  I don't like to run that late, especially on a Sunday night.  When I got to the store Deon, my friend that works at the store (and Kim's cousin) said they were out of shirts already.  Thankfully Kim said she didn't want to run without a shirt!!  Thank goodness.  I do have a 10K next Thursday night for a friend of mine who lost a baby to some strange genetic disease.  This is the third annual race but first one I have done and it is the Thursday before the Half.  Yup, I really want to kill myself.

10.  Last night I finally got some sleep.  I took my cough medication (thank you Dr. Vineyard for the industrial size bottle of codeine) and my Kindle and went to bed before 9.  Not sure what time I went to sleep because I kept waking myself up dropping the Kindle.  The tornado sirens started to go off around midnight.  For those of you that live in tornado alley that means to grab the smartphone, look at the radar and see how close thee red dot is to your address if it isn't on your street, go back to sleep.  From what I could tell the bad part of the storm was south of me and I put out a facebook message to double check.  (and I had called Dennis and told him that since he went home last night and I was high on drugs it was up to him to make sure and warm me if the weather got bad close to my house).  I have two girls who are scared of storms so I got up, gave them a Xanax, took another hit of codeine and went back to sleep.  I am still here and the house didn't appear to have any damage, nor were there news trucks in my neighborhood so I guess we came out fine.  I used to be so scared of storms, now that we have radar that can pretty much show what house if is going to hit at what time I have calmed down alot.  I wonder if they will ever be able to use that information to just call those houses.  That my friends is a million dollar idea.

Sorry this is all over the place.  I am back on 120mg of predisone twice a day for 2 days and a slow taper down for the next week or so.  This makes me feel bitchy.  Add to that the ventolin inhaler 6 times a day and I am a bitchy person about to crawl out of my skin!!

If the cough isn't bad today I will run 3-5 miles on the TM tonight, if not I will hit the cough meds early and often

SS different week

Friday was family night at the baseball game. I was really not looking forward to that at all. My sister took my parents out to eat before the game and since Dennis doesn't get off work until later it gave us an excuse to be late. We got to the game about 45 minutes after it started and missed nothing. My sister talked my ear off the entire game. If I had wanted to watch the game I couldn't have - I think she is kind of lonely since her husband travels so much for work. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore we hit a home run and the game was over. The last 15 minutes of the game was really good and I am glad we stayed. They had a huge fireworks display afterward but we left before they started. I hate fireworks, like have a serious it is going to fall and burn me and my house down fear. All the huge accidents where the fireworks fall over every year and kill people doesn't do a lot to ease my fears either. Anyway, my goal was to be safely in the car before the big booms started. Of course my Mom was all over me for not staying for the fireworks. She knows I am scared of them but I guess she just loves to find opportunities to pick at me for it, so not cool. The weather turned out to be perfect. It was chilly but sitting down in the stands with the body heat made it comfortable with a hoodie on. I would go back if for no other reason then the food. OMG I didn't realize there was so much food at a baseball game.

Saturday was supposed to be a run day but it was pouring. I ended up sleeping until 8:30, unheard of in my house. I got up and sat in the recliner. Foster and Sidney crawled up and snuggled and I fell back asleep until 10!! My kind of day! After I got up I went to have my nails done and do some grocery shopping, stopped and got lunch for Dennis and I and took it to him at work and ate with him. Nothing serious but I didn't get home until almost 4. The day just kind of flew by. I finally found a cardigan at Target that I love. It was way more then I had planned on spending but it is a basic black sweater and I can wear it with all my black short sleeve dresses and dress shirts, and I have a lot. Now I need to find a grey or taupe one.

So remember the nail lady I have been going to? The crazy conspiracy theory black helicopter UN government taking of the world radical give christians a bad name lady? Well I didn't stop going to her even though I think she is nuts, she does a good job and is cheaper than the asian salons. Honestly, she hasn't been bad and her daughter brings their puppy Lily with her to work on Saturday's and I get to play with the puppy, you know I am a sucker for that. However, when I was there Saturday she had her laptop pulled up to recent earthquakes and was telling me that Northern Turkey must be doing some nuclear testing because they were having a lot of earthquake activity. I told her that maybe they were just having earthquakes. Then she starts talking about how N. Korea has two "missing" subs that no American news organization has reported because they don't want us to know about it and if you really want to know what Obama is doing you have to look at overseas news. I told her that was probably true in some respects but what makes you think they are telling the truth in the news from other country's when most of the news organizations are ran by that countries government. Then she tells me she is homeschooling her kids, that I think may have sealed the deal on my bi-weekly trip to the nail salon. That is just a whole lot of crazy. She also made some comments that makes me think her husband is very controlling and possibly mean to the kids. Nothing really obvious, just that her two teenaged kids would rather be at the nail salon then at home and that the dad "makes" them come home. That and something about the way they talk about him. Just seems fishy. So bye-bye pretty nails, they were nice while they lasted.

Saturday night we watched the new series Bates Motel. I love that series!!! It is just the right amount of creepy. Dennis and I were cuddled up watching it and I kept having to wake myself up because I didn't want to miss any of it. Thank goodness for on demand. It is on tonight and I think they are playing all the episodes. This is one of those shows that you see something different every time you watch so we will probably either tape them all or try to watch all of them through. I love shows like that!! Hannibal is another we have started to watch. That one is just strange!!

Wow that was random

My older sister had sent me a text on Saturday night and asked me if I wanted to meet her for brunch on Sunday because they were moving into their new house and hadn't gone to the lake (we hate the lake). I told her sure, I wanted to see her new house and it is close enough that we could walk to the trendy part of town to eat. I think we ended up walking 3 miles or more. I would love to live in that part of town, a block from the river trail!!!

In the meantime I went to the consignment sale. I took $150 and had just enough for everything I found and brunch I can't remember what all I got but I know I bought some Joe's jeans, CoH jeans, a true religion jacket, a couple Lululemon tank tops, an Anthropology tank, a couple of cute summer flowy dresses that will require yet another cardigan if I wear it to work. There were some random slacks and shirts and a pair of shoes. I really think I got a lot for the money. I could have done a lot worse but I decided that I was going to stay under a budget and not go crazy like I did last time. Of course the coat I bought that put me over the edge last time was so worth it. There was a grey cardigan that I really wanted but it was still $85. I just couldn't do it. They donate the clothes that don't sell to DVIS. I need to find out where the thrift store is and go find that sweater, it was perfect.

So, on to brunch with my sister. We walked from her house, about a mile away. It was a nice day and it was good to get out and do some kind of activity. My sister is kind of out of control but nothing out of the ordinary. We ordered mimosas which come in a champagne flute and she downed that and got a 16 oz glass. She said that moving was just so stressful she just wanted to get drunk and pass out. That is her solution to everything. Then she said that her husband was at the lake and he was going to be drunk when he got home and it is just better to deal with him on his own level. I really don't know how people live like that.

Food was ok this weekend. I ate small portions and tried to keep it somewhat healthy. My problem was that I drank a lot of water this weekend and it is almost like I have to make a decision on eating or drinking but I can't do it both.

Today is already looking bad on the food front. They are doing interviews for our chiefs job so we have big wigs here. We are having lunch and a short meeting. We catered in BBQ and of course there are all kinds of horrible things that go with it. I have my eye on the no-bake cookies. Breakfast was the most amazing spinach artichoke bagel I have ever eaten. Okay it is the only spinach artichoke bagel I have had but it was so good. I could only eat half of it and I hope the other half is still around tomorrow.

Tomorrow I finally go in to the oral surgeon and have the real post put in for my implant. It is going to feel so strange!! I go to the dentist on Wednesday and I hope to finally have my lost baby tooth replaced!! It is going to feel so strange having a tooth there after 6 months. I had no clue it would take this long!!

OK, got to head to lunch with the bosses.

TGIF

The combination of my inhaler, the mucinex, and the lovely heart condition I have that makes my heart rate 40 beats a minute too fast has me about to jump out of my skin.  I look like a chihuahua on crack about right now. 

Of course this isn't helping with me feeling bitchy either.  I said something about going to Sam's at lunch to get stuff for a lunch we are having at work Monday and someone asked me to pick some stuff up for them if I went.  I decided not to go.  So not in the mood to be a personal shopper and the whole, "I'll pay you back", nope.  Not in the mood.

Then the lady from my office that had lap band through the VA came over to talk to me.  She is probably 350 pounds and I was really proud of her for making the decision to have the surgery.  What is pissing me off, she hasn't even had the band a year and she is thinking about having it removed because it is too hard.  Really?  To top it off she has to fly to Jackson MS from Tulsa for every adjustment, at the tax payers expense.  She went to Jackson earlier this week and wouldn't let them adjust her because she has "too far to go".  Seriously?  Seriously!!  I have to pay $150 every time I get a fill, I don't have the option to take a two day expense paid trip for a check up every 6 weeks.  Not sure why this situation has me up in arms lately but it really does.  Probably doesn't help that I know she is one to play the system and go off all her medication before her screenings so she has a higher disability rating.  I hope she is proud of herself.

Oh, and my cousin works for the eye doctor I went to yesterday.  I talked to her for a long time about her grandparents, who raised my dad, and about how they are just giving up on life.  They have been married for 69 years 1 April and they are both declining so quickly it is hard for even them to keep up with what is changing.  My uncle was always the kind of man who would climb and trim trees well into his 70's.  Now that their health is bad their grandson moved in to help them.  Well, grandson weighs over 500 pounds and is literally killing himself with food.  He is 32 and the doctor said that they don't expect him to live 5 more years.  He has chronic breathing conditions and can't even walk from the house to the car, oh, and he smokes.  Next week he is going to go before some disability board to see if they will pay for gastric bypass because it will make it so much easier for him.  Me and my cousin were going off about this, we have both battled our weight all our lives and to hear this just makes us sick.

Do people think they go in for surgery one day and the next day they come out with the energy and metabolism of a healthy 20 year old?  I just don't get it.  Before I had my surgery I researched the eff out of it.  I could have told you the possible side effects and the chances of failure (which I just knew I would be one of).  I wish it was as easy as handing over a check for $10,000, or getting on an airplane to Jackson, or go before a board, and like magic you never have a weight problem again.  It's called reality folks and people are really starting to work the nerves. 

OK, sorry for the rant.  My mind is all over the place and I just wanted to get this out.  Sorry if I offend anyone.

I can see!!

Finally made it to the eye doctor today.  For some reason my glasses were "doubled" from a -1.00 to a -2.00 (everything is clear now) but contacts only went up to -1.5.  The doctor had a really hard time getting the script right because my allergies kept making everything look blurry.  I got the coolest glasses though and even though they are making me a little dizzy they are funky.  I will have to take a picture of them.

Aerial class was fun last night.  There were more people so I didn't get to play nearly as much as I would have liked.  At first it looked like it was just going to be me and my sister and I was both sacred and excited.  Thankfully/unfortunately 8 more people showed up right before 7.  We made a video of the teacher doing a foot lock so we can practice, she said to use a sheet or something.  I actually did something called a twist where you twist the silk around you leg while you are in a foot lock.  It was not pretty but I did one.  Maria, the teacher said that it is harder to do if you have really muscular legs.  I decided to take that as a complement.

I have one more day of steroids left for my cough.  I will be so glad to be off of these things.  It really hasn't made me hungry like normal but it has made me bitchy.  I was the "mean girl" at work yesterday and I kind of feel bad that I don't fell bad about it.  Does that even make sense?  There are a couple of ladies that I work with that are just idiots and sometimes I just can't stop my eyes from rolling out-loud, ya know?  I am so going to be one of those grouchy old people....I may even have a head start.

I would really love to be lazy this weekend but I'm not sure that will be an option.  I promised my mom I would go to a baseball game with her tomorrow night, the entire family is supposed to go for a cancer survivor night.  It is going to be cold and my mom has an ear infection so she is not going to be pleasant to be around.  Of course she will want to go because she will be afraid she might miss out on some attention if she doesn't.

There is also a consignment event that starts tonight.  They do it every 6 months and it is supposed to be "upscale", I guess it is on some level, I did get an amazing Marc Jacobs coat last time.  They also have Old Navy stuff to so if you aren't careful you will pay the same for those as you do True Religion or some of the higher end stuff.  I really don't need anything but Sunday afternoon they have half price so I may try to talk Dennis into going after his weekly meeting.  I have a groupon for a place close by so it would be a nice little date outing, if I can get him to pay :P

But, it is just Thursday, damn it I keep thinking it is Friday.  This week has seemed like it has bee a month long!!!

hump day

I totally have to share this.  After I discovered my jolly rancher while running habit was rotting my teeth out of my mouth I decided to order some sugar free jolly ranchers.  When I ordered them I looked through the reviews and found this one.  It was by far the most entertaining review I have read on Amazon and the main reason I decided to order them.

The taste is excellent. You'll want to eat another.

Later, you'll experience the most amazing abdominal swelling. You'll swell like Violet Beauregard in Willy Wonka. I thought I was going to explode. I heard things rattling around inside me. It was weird. It hurt a lot, too.

That lasted for a couple of hours.

And then I began creating my own hole in the ozone layer, unleashing a series of enormous farts that continued unabated for hours. That part was sort of entertaining. 

I ate one and the taste is great and maybe it will give me the extra jet fuel I need when I start to get tired on my long runs!!

I am feeling better but still have a cough.  I think I will try a short run this weekend and see how the lungs feel.  That is always the worst for me because if I can't get my breathing regulated I just can't find that right groove.  I am not beating myself up over this and I am going to give myself time to heal.  I do have a half marathon in May but if I have to walk most of it so be it.  There will be more.

My sister and I plan on going to aerial ballet tonight, again, if I start to hack up a lung I will sit out.  I don't think it will be much of a problem since I really suck at it.  I love it, just not good at it....yet.  I seriously hope the dance teacher girl from high school doesn't show up.  Maybe they moved her up to the advanced class based on the pictures I saw of her on facebook.  

I have noticed a huge change since my fill last week!!  I no longer crave sweets and don't get the munchies every 2 hours.  I bought a huge thing of m&m's for Dennis and I have only eaten a few and that was because I had let the steroid pill sit in my mouth too long before I drank some water.  I reached for the closest thing I could find.  I have done a great job at ignoring the junk at work.  As a matter of fact I am wearing my 25 true religion jeans that were too tight a few weeks ago.  I am back to feeling confident and in control even though I am a sicky. 

Tomorrow I get to sleep a little late since I am going to the eye doctor.  I get to work at 7:30 and my appointment is at 9.  Technically I could come in but honestly, what a waste of great sleep and puppy cuddle time. 

speechless

I really don't have much to say today.  Shocking I know.  The steroids that I am on for bronchitis have me hyped up and it is really hard for me to focus and complete a thought. 

First off, thanks for the hair love.  I think this is my favorite funky color I have ever done, and there have been some crazy hair in my past.....

Orange

fauxhawk

 purple and platinum

and of course the 80's bangs and spiral perm.

Oh, how I love to look at my high school year book and laugh.

As far as diet goes, I think I am back in my good range, who knows with my crappy scale.  I should be around 112.  I feel more in control and I think that is the key.  The steroids would normally have me eating crap around the clock but the antibiotics make my stomach just ick enough to not want anything. 

but my hair is amazing

I took a gamble on a random stylist off of a coupon site. I LOVE it!! I tried to get the girl that did my hair forever to do something like this and she would always come up with reasons why it wouldn't work.  She finally said she would get some extensions and cut them into my hair.  It never happened.  So here are pictures of my cool new color.

So, I am just going to come out and say it.  I am so in love with my hair!!  It is perfect.  Funky without the OMG you are way too old for that or looking like I am trying to hard.  It can blend in with the rest of my hair if I ever feel the need to impress anyone (rarely happens), or pull my bangs back and show off the rainbow of colors. 

I finally got the car situation taken care of.  It was a little more expensive then I would have liked but it is taken care of and I will never try to process a payment for $20,000 again.  That I can promise you.  I am going to set it up through MY bank and not their online program.  I am so happy to have Kermit back.

Between the kidney stone, strep, and now bronchitis I feel like I am always sick.  I am so over being sick!!  I feel just rotten enough that breathing is very difficult when I try to run.  I so hope I will be well enough to run this weekend, I am going stir crazy.

My band is crazy tight right now.  Probably a mixture of stress, sickness, and medication.  I ate maybe 4 bites of a turkey and cheese sandwich for lunch and was almost afraid to eat dinner last night just in case it did cause a coughing fit.  Thankfully I slept through the night with minimal coughing and the fever broke early yesterday afternoon.  I am sure the codeine helped with that.  I plan on having a nice glass of that for dinner tonight also...ok, maybe just a couple of teaspoons.  That is some good shit.  Of course the doctor gave me a small bottle, bastard.  I am also on a high powered z-pack which is making my stomach hurt so bad.  The doctor told me to take some probiotics  so that the antibiotics don't really tear the crap out of my stomach.  The steroids always make me nice and angry, jittery, and HOT.  If this crap doesn't clear up soon I may find myself living on the streets with no one willing to be around me....but then again there is the cute hair!! Regardless I guess the combination of the antibiotics, steroids, and the band makes me aware there is junk food near, I just don't want anything to do with. 

I am still waiting on my new scale to get here.  I weighed on my old one this morning and it said I weighed 97.  Yeah, I don't weigh 97.  I did get off the scale to get the camera to document my new all time low.  When I got back on it was 114.  Oh well, there are some people that think I am anorexic and if I did show that picture they would not believe me if I told them it wasn't real.  So not anorexic am I white chocolate peanut butter?

Last night I taped a VHI inside music with Pantera and it inspired me to make another playlist I call "heavy stuff" mostly NIN, Tool, Puscifer, A Perfect Circle, Pantera, Godsmack, Disturbed.  This could turn into a kick ass work out playlist.  Can you think of anyone I left out? 

Ok I seriously sound like I have lost my mind so I am going to take advantage of the surge of energy and get some work done before I feel like someone pulled the drain on my energy stores again.

 

sick a-freaking-gain

I have had the most horrible time with what I assumed was night coughs since Monday.  I have been banished to sleep on the recliner.  That didn't help me much, I still coughed so hard I would puke.  When it happened Friday night I was ready to just rip my band out.  Then I realized I was freezing and it wasn't particularly that cold in the house.  I grabbed the thermometer and sure enough I had over 102 fever. So, at least it doesn't appear to be band related.  I went to urgent care Saturday and was told that I have bronchitis and am on 5 different medications.  I wasn't so impressed with the cough "pills" I got.  Sure enough I coughed up a lung most of last night.  I called back and got some of the good stuff today.  I love codeine. I am hoping to get some sleep tonight.

Needless to say I haven't been exercising but I feel a letter better about letting exercise slide last week, I guess my body was just trying to tell me something.

Life will be interesting for  the next few weeks.  First thing I have to get done is to get my freaking car back.  Yep, my car was repoed Thursday night.  Although I have tried several times to talk to people they aren't giving out information.  the only issue I have ever had was a long time ago when I paid my payment online.  I entered it like you do on most websites and instead of them taking $200 out of my account they attempted to take out $20,000!!!  As soon as I saw this I started calling to try to stop the payment.  Of course they wouldn't and they told me they would send it through twice.  I am certain there are some fees associated with that they are using to take my car.  It was very humiliating and I know that Dennis thinks I just stopped making my payments because seriously, things like this don't happen to ordinary people.  I am sure this is going to end up costing me but at this point I just want my car back.  They did tell me that there is a chance that I would have to refinance the car to get it back, seriously?  What a pain in the ass.  If I didn't love my car so much and had to prove to Dennis I am not just some deadbeat I would tell them to keep the damn thing and I would drive the trailblazer.  This of course had me really upset Friday.

I am finally going back to the eye doctor on Wednesday after having to reschedule from the kidney stone crap.  I am sure I will have to put off actually buying glasses/contacts until after the car fiasco is worked out.

Next Monday we have a bunch of bigwigs coming in to interview for our new Chief...TYJ!!  So we are going to have a meeting with the DC folks.  We are also doing a huge BBQ dinner.  I am not stressed out about the food since I got my fill, but my supervisor, who is my new BFF again (if you ask her) told me who made the short list for the interviews and there is only one that I think would be a good boss.  I think he is a shoe in unless he shows up at the interview drunk.  I am so tempted to hide my recorder under the table!!

It looks like I will finally be getting my tooth next week so I will be taking off two more afternoons next week.  It is going to feel so strange having a tooth again.  It is going to look and feel so different!!

May 3 will be the big going away party for the Nazi Chief!!!!  I have my finger crossed that our new boss will not be a bully like he is.  I am so ready for this change!!  There is only one person that I DO NOT want to get the job and I don't think she has a snowballs chance.  She will be crushed but no one wants her in that job.  I'm not going to stress about.

Ok, since none of this is really diet related I will find something productive to do.

wish me luck on the car screw up, I hope to have my lime green Escape, aka Kermit back by mid week.

Friday

Thanks y'all for the nice comments on my news debut.  Funny thing about it, I didn't automatically look at it and think OMG look how fat I am.  Instead I looked at my Medusa hair and thought lord I need a comb, lol.

I really don't have a lot to say today.  I have some pretty slippery financial issues that sprang up yesterday.  I took a Xanax today, which I never do because my nerves are so completely shot.  I am really afraid it is going to start a huge fight between Dennis and I so the weekend is going to be tension filled.

I did get some good news.  The dentist office called and said they would cover the crown for my implant.  Instead of costing $1200 it will only be $475.  That is a huge weight off my mind.

Right now my stomach is in knots.  I might have to go see my favorite toddler this weekend for some comic relief and to get my mind off of all of this.

Sorry I am being so elusive but I will cry if I talk about it and I really don't want to do that at work.

My 15 seconds

Remember a few weeks ago when I was interviewed at the sports bra fitting and I thought I got out of being on TV.  Well my mom called me last night and said that I was on TV.  I looked online and sure enough there was a link to it Boob talk it's all right there.  Could have been a lot worse I guess but I look a little haggered with my hair not straightened - I have naturally curly hair.  People will think I go around checking their girls for proper support.  Oh well.

My fill level is feeling much better today.  I think it was a combination of the pill I took and the massage that made my uncomfortable.  No coughing up a lung last night.  The good thing about the level I am at now, I don't crave junk.  I know I am probably walking a thin line between just right and too full but unless I start having problems with either eating or getting enough calories to exercise I am going to call it good. 

Yesterday was super busy at work and despite getting no sleep Tuesday night I never felt tired during the day.  Me and my sister had planned on going to ballet and I was excited about it.  She called me when she left work and told me she was having a bad TOM and really didn't feel comfortable going.  I told her I completely understood and would go without her.  When I got home my favorite pillow and blanket were still in the living room since I slept in the recliner so I grabbed them and laid on the couch.  I didn't wake up until 6:45!!  I ate a little, took a hot bubble bath and was back asleep by 9.  I am sure that is what my body needed.  I am going to call this week a wash with the exercise.  I will do a long run this weekend and start up with my normal schedule next week of at least 3 days a week of running.  It will all work out. 

Oh, and I am glad I didn't go to class last night because I saw on facebook a friend from high school went.  She is a dance teacher so of course there are pictures of her executing skill at and expert level at her first class.  I would have been mortified.  I really hope this was a one time thing for her.  Does that make me a bad person? 

OK, lots of work to do.  I will catch up with everyone later.

PFSD post fill stress disorder *

I went to the band doctor on Monday and got a small fill.  My weight was up to 118.8!!  My goal weight was 118 (my lowest weight was 107 but that was after having food poisoning).  They tried to calm me by saying it was ONLY a few pounds but I know that's how it starts.

I got a .2 fill, bringing me back up to 5.3 in my band.  I felt fine, water went down and all was well.  I ate peanut butter for dinner because I was lazy and didn't want to have to find something smushy or liquid that I would have to fix.  That went down fine.  I think, though that I have a pill or something stuck because I literally coughed all night last night.  I even went and slept semi-upright in the recliner, still coughed my head off, I am sore and hoarse from all the coughing and I think my stomach might be a little swollen?  I don't plan in rushing in to get any taken out of my band just yet (that shit is like gold at $150 a pop) but if it isn't better by the weekend I will call and get back in and have half my fill removed.

Yesterday was uber busy.  I had an appointment at the regular dentist first thing that morning.  Turns out I have two cavities!!  WTF!!  They think it is because I suck on jolly ranchers when I run but really?  I think they just saw I finally increased my dental coverage and saw an opportunity to cash in, lol.

After the first dentist I ran and got a spray tan.  Picked up a protein smoothie and headed to the oral surgeon for my second appointment of the day.  They took out the "healing cap"for my implant and replaced it with a bigger one.  That was a little uncomfortable but not horrible.  It did kind of give me a headache.  I go back in for the post in two weeks and can finally get my tooth replaced!!  I will get the cavities filled at the same time.  While I was there I told the doctor that I had a little bit of a cold sore coming up and he gave me a prescription to take to get rid of it.

I went home and picked up Hunter to for acupuncture and his arthritis shot.  I stopped while we were on our way and got a CFA grilled chicken sandwich.  Hunter ate half but my half went down just fine.  Of course Hunter was awesome and cracked everyone at the vet's office up acting like a puppy for attention.  I love that boy.  On the way home I picked up the script and took one of the pills.  That didn't do down so well.  Luckily I was close to home and was able to walk around until the OMG this isn't going to go down feeling went away.  But, my stomach was kind of ick after that.

I had enough time to drop Hunter off at the house and get to my massage appointment.  I had never been to this guy before but he was pretty good and it was not as pricey as I had expected.  He uses heat packs to warm up muscles before he works on them.  At one point he put the pack on my stomach and I think that might of screwed with my stomach a little too.  At any rate dinner didn't happen last night, I felt really sick.

Right before bed I ate a few peanuts, probably the mistake that caused my horrible night.  I am exhausted today.  I guess it could have been a mix of night cough from the band and drainage from allergies?  I will have to see how tonight goes.

Speaking of tonight...its ballet night.  I am going to talk to the teacher and see if she can record how to do the foot holds.  I will go to a fabric store and get some silk like material and practice.  It isn't easy tying a knot around your foot just using your feet.  What is worse is trying to untie the knot and descend the silk gracefully.  I end up just jumping and/or sliding down like a fire pole.  Not the preferred method.

OK, got to fix some issues that blew up while I was out yesterday.  Not sure what they would do without me around here, lol.

* This title does not intend to take PTSD lightly.  Dennis suffers from it and I have several veteran friends that have it.  It is a very real thing and I feel for anyone who suffers it or who lives with someone who does.

uuuggggghhhh

This was not a good weekend.  I need to draw huge frowny faces on my calender. 

Friday I had some problems with getting my food to go down.  Not sure but every once in awhile I just have what I call bad food days. I used this as an excuse not to run on Saturday.  It didn't help that it was storming when I woke up.  I had lots of errands to run during the day so I knew once I got out and about a run wasn't going to happen.  No big deal, I will do it on Sunday.  I laid in bed until 9 on Sunday and decided I would rather sit in a bubble bath and read.  So, that is what I did.  I really need to get off my ass, I have a half marathon next month for crying out loud!!

Food wasn't much better.  I binged all weekend.  Saturday morning wasn't bad, lunch wasn't even THAT bad.  I went to Olive Garden and ate soup and salad.  I was able to eat an entire bread stick, which never happens.  Dennis had to work so I went and picked up lunch for him and bought some M&Ms to take to him.  Well I forgot to give him the candy and it ended up at my house.  We watched 2 movies and ate almost the entire bag. 

Sunday was more M&M's, fast food tacos, popcorn, and crap.  No seriously.  We took Hunter with us to Dennis' parents house for dinner.  I get so frustrated with the MIL because I am allergic to pork, it causes me severe digestion issues and if I touch it while it is raw my hand break out in a rash.  Strange I know.  Well I have been dating Dennis for 13 years but I feel like I am always the after thought when it comes to his family.  She makes this huge dinner, which usually is pork roast or ham in this case and buys a rotisserie chicken from WM, pulls it off the bone and puts it on a serving platter for me.  I hate rotisserie chicken from the grocery stores.  Since I had Hunter there I fed him the chicken when no one was looking and ate the potatoes and green bean casserole (Hunter thought he was in heaven btw).  For dessert I had a piece of peanut butter pie and a half a cupcake. 

Dennis' sister sent a half dozen cupcakes home with us (she is a fantastic cook) and I brought them to work with me to git rid of them.  I know if I am able to eat like this it is time for a fill.  I called the doctor and they had a cancellation at 3:30 today!!!  So I ate a cupcake.  I should be ashamed. 

I am really killing myself with the negative self talk with running, the new ballet class, and food.  I watched Cirque on DVD this weekend and instead of making me want to do my class it had the opposite effect on me making me feel like I am wasting the teacher and the students time.  There are some girls in that class who are seriously good and by me being there I am taking up the time they could be practicing.  I just need to get out of my own head.  A good run would do that but with the junk I have been eating I am not sure I have a good run in me. 

Now I have a headache from the freaking sugar and self loathing.....