I went to the band doctor yesterday, my monthy check up and fill. The doctor told me he wouldn't give me a fill. I asked him for just a little top off and he said nope, I don't need it. I went after lunch so my weight was up a couple of pounds from what it was that morning, but I was still down 5 pounds. He told me I was his ideal patient and said he wished everyone was as motivated as I was. He told me that there was a younger girl that was in before me that had only lost 4 pounds in 3 months and he really wished he would have had her stick around so I could talk to her. I really don't understand going through the pain and expensive of the surgery if you aren't going to use it, but whatever.
He literally paraded me around his office showing me off, telling everyone I was his star patient and that I was going to run a half marathon in March. I told him I would be his spokes "model" if he would give me a free tummy tuck, even pose in a bikini. He laughed and said he would totally work out a deal for me, couldn't do it for free because of the facility fees and stuff but he would make me a hell of a deal. We are supposed to talk about it more when I go back in January.
So after I left the doctor I started thinking that I still feel fat, I know I am not 180 pounds anymore but I haven't had that aha moment where I feel healthy and good about myself. So on the way home from the doctor I stopped and ordered cheese sticks and a root beer from Sonic. I ate maybe 2 and a half of the cheese sticks, didn't drink much of the soda (it hurts to drink most times). Not even 3 hours later Dennis wanted to go to dinner so I ate 3/4 of a burritto. I felt horrible.
When I woke up this morning I thought I deserve whatever the scale gives me this morning and I will take whatever it says and move on.
140.8 - a 1.8 pound loss. That I didn't deserve. Go figure.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
to fill or not to fill
I have an appointment to see the band doctor today at 2:30. I can't for the life of me remember what I weighed when I went in last time but I am pretty sure it was around 149; today I am at 142. I have been stuck at that number for almost a week and it is driving me crazy.
So, do I fill or not? I am training for Little Rock Half marathon March 6, OKC half marathon April 29, and Flying Pig May 6. I need to be able to fuel my body. However, I have been sucking down Gu before I run and it is doing the trick. I guess it really isn't up to me anyway, it is in Dr. Atkins hands.
We are trying to decide what we are going to do for New Years. If we do anything I will run in a 5K called Race in the New Year. It starts at 11:45 and lets you literally run in the new year with fireworks and two champaign stops (I'll pass this year). Dennis won't run it but there is a huge tent at the start finish and he will hang out until I finish and then we will hang out with our running friends. We didn't do it last year because I was in the I'm fat and can't run funk but the two years before that we went and had fun even though it was like 9 degrees. This year is supposed to have highs in the 60's, lows around 40. Can't get much better then that. But I am not a night person and sleeping sounds kind of good too. I have a 6 or 7 miler scheduled Saturday morning. I probably won't decide until that day.
So, do I fill or not? I am training for Little Rock Half marathon March 6, OKC half marathon April 29, and Flying Pig May 6. I need to be able to fuel my body. However, I have been sucking down Gu before I run and it is doing the trick. I guess it really isn't up to me anyway, it is in Dr. Atkins hands.
We are trying to decide what we are going to do for New Years. If we do anything I will run in a 5K called Race in the New Year. It starts at 11:45 and lets you literally run in the new year with fireworks and two champaign stops (I'll pass this year). Dennis won't run it but there is a huge tent at the start finish and he will hang out until I finish and then we will hang out with our running friends. We didn't do it last year because I was in the I'm fat and can't run funk but the two years before that we went and had fun even though it was like 9 degrees. This year is supposed to have highs in the 60's, lows around 40. Can't get much better then that. But I am not a night person and sleeping sounds kind of good too. I have a 6 or 7 miler scheduled Saturday morning. I probably won't decide until that day.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Christmas recap
First off, I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I know I did, and really appreciated yesterday where it was just the two of us again. I love our family but crap some times there is just too much of a good thing.
Some NSV - Dennis' oldest sister lives in DFW area and I hadn't seen her since her wedding in Florida over Easter weekend. She flipped out when she saw me, told me I looked amazing and asked me how I did it (I wasn't 100% forthcoming). One of the gifts she gave us was a picture of Dennis and I at the wedding. I looked horrible, like the dress was two sized to small for me but I wouldn't admit to myself I needed that size 16.
Yesterday we went to Old Navy to take advantage of the $15 jean sale. I need some skinny jeans to wear with my Uggs and boots. That place was trashed. I looked all over for an 8 skinny but there were none to be found. I finally decided, screw it try on a 6, what is the worse that can happen....you put them up and dig throught the pile of jeans at the dressing room for the 8 you need. Well hot damn if I am not sitting here typing this in a pair of size 6 jeans!!! Are they a little tight? yes, but they are stretchy and they will loosen up. I know the jeans at Old Navy run a little big but I am still going to take this and run with it, lol.
I did have a lot of problems eating Christmas Day. Everything I ate at my parents house came back up. It was really upsetting. I am not sure what caused it either. It was kind of upsetting because I look forward to that meal all year long. Needless to say I had no weight gain over the holidays.
Some NSV - Dennis' oldest sister lives in DFW area and I hadn't seen her since her wedding in Florida over Easter weekend. She flipped out when she saw me, told me I looked amazing and asked me how I did it (I wasn't 100% forthcoming). One of the gifts she gave us was a picture of Dennis and I at the wedding. I looked horrible, like the dress was two sized to small for me but I wouldn't admit to myself I needed that size 16.
Yesterday we went to Old Navy to take advantage of the $15 jean sale. I need some skinny jeans to wear with my Uggs and boots. That place was trashed. I looked all over for an 8 skinny but there were none to be found. I finally decided, screw it try on a 6, what is the worse that can happen....you put them up and dig throught the pile of jeans at the dressing room for the 8 you need. Well hot damn if I am not sitting here typing this in a pair of size 6 jeans!!! Are they a little tight? yes, but they are stretchy and they will loosen up. I know the jeans at Old Navy run a little big but I am still going to take this and run with it, lol.
I did have a lot of problems eating Christmas Day. Everything I ate at my parents house came back up. It was really upsetting. I am not sure what caused it either. It was kind of upsetting because I look forward to that meal all year long. Needless to say I had no weight gain over the holidays.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
MIA
I didn't realize how long I have been gone.
I went to the doctor yesterday for a general check-up to renew one of my medications. She told me that she hardly recognized me. She also told me that my goal of 20 more pounds may not be sustainable and not to get frustrated. According to her, she is shorter than me and only weighs 15 pounds less. I promised her I wouldn't get obsessive about it.
She also got on to me for not wearing my HRM when I run. I have a slight heart condition that causes my heart rate to get up into the 200's during exercise. I was on medication to regulate it but the medication is what started my weight gain and it makes me feel "lazy". I had a gazillion tests done with the cardiologist and my heart is healthy, just a little fast. The cardiologist said if I start passing out when it gets to high we will have to revisit medication. Back to my point. If my heart rate gets over 200 while I run I have to take a walk break. I do 1 minute run 1 minute walk intervals to try to keep it under control but she wants me to start documenting it. My handy dandy little Garmin will chart it all and I have to bring it in next time I see her. However, my pulse was 55 when I saw her so maybe it is getting better with the weight loss?
My weight loss has kind of stalled a little, I blame December. I am at 143.6 on my home scale, the doctor scale had me a little less (fully clothed I might add). I am pretty sure I was at 149 when I went for my last fill.
Another thing, I have talked about with Dennis and with my regular doctor and they don't want me to get another fill until May. I am signed up to do the Little Rock half marathon in March; I am doing OKC with my friend from work the last weekend in April and I hope Flying Pig the weekend after that. They are afraid I will not be able to fuel well enough if I keep getting fills. I understand where they are coming from but dang it I only have 20 pounds to go!! I don't want to slow down now. Is this the obsessive my doctor was talking about?
In Christmas news, all the presents are bought and would have been wrapped last night if I hadn't ran out of tape. I am pretty sure I am getting a Kindle Fire from Dennis, I can't wait for that.
I finally felt the emotional vice grip of the band last night. My older sister called around noon Tuesday and said that her Neapolitan Mastiff, Fiona had collapsed and they had to rush her to the vet. Fiona is a very rare breed, but my sister found and adopted her from a local animal shelter. She was able to trace her back to the original breeder, who offered to buy her back, but my sister told her no way since she obviously sold her to someone who would dump her at a kill shelter. But I digress. I was with my sister when she got Fiona, I named her after the Shrek character because she looks and acts like a big beautiful ogre. When they got to the vet she was completely blind, which was a sudden onset, and was having seizures several times a day. They decided she had some kind of cancer (I didn't ask what type). While we were eating dinner yesterday my sister sent me a text and told me the vet gave Fi 6-8 months to live if they did aggressive chemo. They didn't know if she would ever get her eyesight back. So they decided to put her down. Everything that I had eaten that hadn't passed through the band came up almost immediately. I had never felt anything like that. I puked, cried a lot and felt better. I know they did the right thing. In the middle of my little melt down Dennis asked me if I would feel better if he gave me my Christmas present early....which leads me to believe it is the Fire because it is the only thing I know that he knows might make me feel better.
I can't wait for Christmas!!
I went to the doctor yesterday for a general check-up to renew one of my medications. She told me that she hardly recognized me. She also told me that my goal of 20 more pounds may not be sustainable and not to get frustrated. According to her, she is shorter than me and only weighs 15 pounds less. I promised her I wouldn't get obsessive about it.
She also got on to me for not wearing my HRM when I run. I have a slight heart condition that causes my heart rate to get up into the 200's during exercise. I was on medication to regulate it but the medication is what started my weight gain and it makes me feel "lazy". I had a gazillion tests done with the cardiologist and my heart is healthy, just a little fast. The cardiologist said if I start passing out when it gets to high we will have to revisit medication. Back to my point. If my heart rate gets over 200 while I run I have to take a walk break. I do 1 minute run 1 minute walk intervals to try to keep it under control but she wants me to start documenting it. My handy dandy little Garmin will chart it all and I have to bring it in next time I see her. However, my pulse was 55 when I saw her so maybe it is getting better with the weight loss?
My weight loss has kind of stalled a little, I blame December. I am at 143.6 on my home scale, the doctor scale had me a little less (fully clothed I might add). I am pretty sure I was at 149 when I went for my last fill.
Another thing, I have talked about with Dennis and with my regular doctor and they don't want me to get another fill until May. I am signed up to do the Little Rock half marathon in March; I am doing OKC with my friend from work the last weekend in April and I hope Flying Pig the weekend after that. They are afraid I will not be able to fuel well enough if I keep getting fills. I understand where they are coming from but dang it I only have 20 pounds to go!! I don't want to slow down now. Is this the obsessive my doctor was talking about?
In Christmas news, all the presents are bought and would have been wrapped last night if I hadn't ran out of tape. I am pretty sure I am getting a Kindle Fire from Dennis, I can't wait for that.
I finally felt the emotional vice grip of the band last night. My older sister called around noon Tuesday and said that her Neapolitan Mastiff, Fiona had collapsed and they had to rush her to the vet. Fiona is a very rare breed, but my sister found and adopted her from a local animal shelter. She was able to trace her back to the original breeder, who offered to buy her back, but my sister told her no way since she obviously sold her to someone who would dump her at a kill shelter. But I digress. I was with my sister when she got Fiona, I named her after the Shrek character because she looks and acts like a big beautiful ogre. When they got to the vet she was completely blind, which was a sudden onset, and was having seizures several times a day. They decided she had some kind of cancer (I didn't ask what type). While we were eating dinner yesterday my sister sent me a text and told me the vet gave Fi 6-8 months to live if they did aggressive chemo. They didn't know if she would ever get her eyesight back. So they decided to put her down. Everything that I had eaten that hadn't passed through the band came up almost immediately. I had never felt anything like that. I puked, cried a lot and felt better. I know they did the right thing. In the middle of my little melt down Dennis asked me if I would feel better if he gave me my Christmas present early....which leads me to believe it is the Fire because it is the only thing I know that he knows might make me feel better.
I can't wait for Christmas!!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
nothing much
My new gym opens December 19!! Just in time to not go until after the holiday, lol.
I got nothing today.... ran with a friend last night. Didn't plan on going very far but it was cold and drizzly and perfet for running so we ended up going 5 miles. It was great until one section on the trail that was straight into the north wind. That hurt and we walked for a few minutes. I think I have her talked into doing the LR Half with me. She is a fast little girl so I hate to have her run her first half with me and not have her do her best. She is only 14 so I will talk to her mom and see what she thinks. It was so cute last night though because the mom sent me a message at 4:30 asking if I was going to make it. I told her I would be there and she said great now Jessica will leave me alone, she has been asking me all day if she knew if Terrie was going to be at run group. She is a sweet kid.
Not sure what is on tap for exercise tonight. Maybe a short run, like 2 miles through my hood before it gets dark....
I got nothing today.... ran with a friend last night. Didn't plan on going very far but it was cold and drizzly and perfet for running so we ended up going 5 miles. It was great until one section on the trail that was straight into the north wind. That hurt and we walked for a few minutes. I think I have her talked into doing the LR Half with me. She is a fast little girl so I hate to have her run her first half with me and not have her do her best. She is only 14 so I will talk to her mom and see what she thinks. It was so cute last night though because the mom sent me a message at 4:30 asking if I was going to make it. I told her I would be there and she said great now Jessica will leave me alone, she has been asking me all day if she knew if Terrie was going to be at run group. She is a sweet kid.
Not sure what is on tap for exercise tonight. Maybe a short run, like 2 miles through my hood before it gets dark....
Monday, December 12, 2011
Monday catch up
I was so excited to get my secret santa gift over the weekend!!! I got a running jacket and a camelback waterbottle. It is so me that at first I thought I had ordered it while I was sick (more on that later) before I saw the note. Love Love Love it!!! Can't wait to use them tonight with my running group!!
I ended up getting sick last week for the first time since my surgery. I was at work and told my boss I wasn't feeling well and probably needed to go home. I work on the third floor and made it to the 1st floor restroom before I started throwing up. I mean really throwing up, not over eat throwing up. Funny how I can tell the difference. I was really worried about my band so I called my regular doctor and she was booked up, they told me to go to urgent care. I called my band doctor and he was in surgery. I still had some of the anti puke medicine from when I had my surgery so I just went home and used that and laid down. I slept for 4 hours. When I woke up I tried to eat a little something and threw up again but not as bad as the first time. Took more meds and slept for the night. I ended up taking two days off work but probably would have been ok to go back the next day. My stomach was just so sore.
My weight is kind of holding steady at 145. I got down to 144 after the puke fest but didn't expect it to last. I am so ready for my new gym to open!! They said it would be ready the end of this month but I haven't seen any messages showing an opening date yet. I didn't run at all last week because of the illness so I am really looking forward to getting out there tonight. I am pretty sure I am going to sign up for the Little Rock half marathon in March. Lord help me and my shins with those hills!!!
I ended up getting sick last week for the first time since my surgery. I was at work and told my boss I wasn't feeling well and probably needed to go home. I work on the third floor and made it to the 1st floor restroom before I started throwing up. I mean really throwing up, not over eat throwing up. Funny how I can tell the difference. I was really worried about my band so I called my regular doctor and she was booked up, they told me to go to urgent care. I called my band doctor and he was in surgery. I still had some of the anti puke medicine from when I had my surgery so I just went home and used that and laid down. I slept for 4 hours. When I woke up I tried to eat a little something and threw up again but not as bad as the first time. Took more meds and slept for the night. I ended up taking two days off work but probably would have been ok to go back the next day. My stomach was just so sore.
My weight is kind of holding steady at 145. I got down to 144 after the puke fest but didn't expect it to last. I am so ready for my new gym to open!! They said it would be ready the end of this month but I haven't seen any messages showing an opening date yet. I didn't run at all last week because of the illness so I am really looking forward to getting out there tonight. I am pretty sure I am going to sign up for the Little Rock half marathon in March. Lord help me and my shins with those hills!!!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
secret santa
I signed up for this but never have heard back from anyone. Does anyone know what happened?
Monday, December 5, 2011
Tight band
I did go back to the doctor on Friday to make sure my band wasn't flip flopped around in my belly. It was fine, just painful from the digging the doctor did to get the needle in the right place. It was the worst fill so far as far as pain goes. I am very tight right now. I am able to swallow my medication so I know there is enough room, I just really have to take things easy and think before I put things in my mouth and or swallow them. I am down to 145, 4 pounds less than when I had my fill on Wednesday.
I went to the Will (goodwill) on Saturday and bought some transition work clothes to get me through. I bought mostly 10's but I probably should have bought 8's in dress slacks. I just don't feel like I should be wearing 8's yet...does that even make sense? I ended up buying 6 pairs of work pants, most with the tag still on them. You can't go wrong paying $2.50 for brand new Ann Taylor and Gap pants!!!
Yesterday I made my mom go shopping with me. She had shoulder surgery a few weeks ago and hasn't gotten out of the house much. My mom doesn't know about my surgery because she is a gossip. So when we went out to eat lunch she threw a fit because I wasn't eating enough. We met up with my little sister later (who does know about the band) and she told me that I had to tell my mom something or she is going to start to think I have something wrong with me. It is kind of funny because my mom has always been really competative with me on weight and hasn't said a word about me losing. I am not sure how I am going to approach this.
I went to the Will (goodwill) on Saturday and bought some transition work clothes to get me through. I bought mostly 10's but I probably should have bought 8's in dress slacks. I just don't feel like I should be wearing 8's yet...does that even make sense? I ended up buying 6 pairs of work pants, most with the tag still on them. You can't go wrong paying $2.50 for brand new Ann Taylor and Gap pants!!!
Yesterday I made my mom go shopping with me. She had shoulder surgery a few weeks ago and hasn't gotten out of the house much. My mom doesn't know about my surgery because she is a gossip. So when we went out to eat lunch she threw a fit because I wasn't eating enough. We met up with my little sister later (who does know about the band) and she told me that I had to tell my mom something or she is going to start to think I have something wrong with me. It is kind of funny because my mom has always been really competative with me on weight and hasn't said a word about me losing. I am not sure how I am going to approach this.
Friday, December 2, 2011
ouch
I am having a lot of pain in my port site today. I am going to go back by the doctor to make sure nothing is wrong. I'm also going to get some pain medication.
In better news I am now officially down 30 pounds!!!
Much better!! 20 (or 25) more pounds to go!
In better news I am now officially down 30 pounds!!!
This picture was taken right before I started my liquid diet
Thursday, December 1, 2011
fill number 5
Yesterday's doctor appointment went well. I lost a little over 8 pounds last month; the most I have in one month since having the band. I really didn't think I would get a fill because of it but he ended up giving me .5mL. I am taking things VERY easy to give myself time to adjust. I was able to take my vitamins so I am pretty sure it will be fine if I take things very slow. The doctor seems to think I will be down to my goal in 3 months. We shall see.
I never kept track of my fills like most people so looking back....
1st fill 2mL
2nd fill 2mL
3rd fill .25mL
4th fill .4mL
5th fill .5mL
So I am up to 5.15mL's in my band. He told me he didn't forsee me needing much more.
The people at the doctor's office were a huge ego boost telling me how much different I look, funny how you don't see it yourself.
Here's to a PB free day!!
I never kept track of my fills like most people so looking back....
1st fill 2mL
2nd fill 2mL
3rd fill .25mL
4th fill .4mL
5th fill .5mL
So I am up to 5.15mL's in my band. He told me he didn't forsee me needing much more.
The people at the doctor's office were a huge ego boost telling me how much different I look, funny how you don't see it yourself.
Here's to a PB free day!!
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