More pictures

one day at a time

My weight was way freaking up again today for some reason.  Seriously I have no clue what is going on.  The fill monday is looking better and better.

I go back to the doctor for my leg today.  It is much better.  Last night we went for a short walk around the neighborhood and had no pain at all; this morning it was just a little stiff.  I figure that is to be expected.  It hasn't been wrapped since Sunday.

I decided yesterday that I wanted to have a get together with my running friends the day before my birthday as a kind of "good bye to my 30's" party.  I want to spend my birthday with my SO but it will probably be the night before that it finally hits me that I will be old the next day, lol.  So I sent out a good ole facebook invite.  Not sure if anyone will come but it is better then sitting at my house dwelling on something that I can't change.

In other exciting new I have decided I am going to dress up like a minion for halloween.  I am going to hit up goodwill this weekend in search of overalls and a yellow hoodie.  I may have to settle for a yellow shirt which I know I can find at walmart or target but the hoodie is best for the costume.  I may have to take a long lunch and see if Big Lots has anything.

daily lessons

I am still in my funk but I am trying really hard to fake it, I'm a girl that should be easy right :-) 

My leg is getting better, I no longer have intense pain, it is just a dull throb.  I go back and have acupuncture again tomorrow, probably have it wrapped one more time.  I am going to be able to walk soon, maybe by the first of next week. 

One of my friends sent me a text last night and asked me when I had my band surgery because she had another friend that had been banded.  It hit me it has been almost 4 months since my surgery.  I have lost 20 pounds.  The friend has lost 25 pounds since October.  At first I was really upset about this but I have lost 20 pounds.  This is huge for me.  I was one of those people that would work out all the time, eat right 99% of the time and maintain.  I was a low BMI candidate, my starting BMI was 31.4, my current BMI is 27.6; very close to "normal".  Would I complain about losing 25 pounds in a month?  Nope but I am not that person.  I have another fill scheduled for Monday and I am not 100% sure I want a fill.  I think I am at a good spot right now.  Once I start working out again I think the weight will slowly start to come off again.

I am trying really hard to focus on my journey and not compare to other people.  It's a process.

feeling down

I am sure the lack of exercise is finally starting to make me super cranky.  I am just in a blah mood and have no desire to even crawl out of this little whole.  It is bad enough that my weight was up two whole pounds today and I just didn't even care. 

I have had my leg taped up for the last two weeks but for some reason it didn't stick as well this week as it did last week.  I asked Dennis to trim up some of the ends that were coming loose and he freaking cut my leg with the scissors.  When I yelled out he said he didn't see any blood so I made him take the wrap off to prove that he cut me.  Now I have no wrap on my leg and I am prety sure the swelling is up as a result, I am going to pretend that is where the two pounds are coming from. 

My birthday is 15 days away and I had planned on a shopping trip to the new outlet mall in OKC with a friend but it seems as if today was the day my television decided to die.  There goes the birthday trip.  I just hope it doesn't effect my plans to go to London.  Those suckers are not cheap.  I may just get the little 20 inch out of the bedroom and see what black friday has to offer. 

I go back to the doctor on Wednesday but my leg is still bruised and the knot is still there so I am sure I will be told no exercise for another week.  I know I could do a little bit of upper body but you would be suprised what little you can do.  Most moves engage the hamstring enough to cause tightness if not outright pain. 

Monday is fill day.  I have mixed fellings about getting a fill.  I am down 5 pounds from my last visit, since my birthday is a week after the visit I would kind of like him to take some out and go back after my birthday and put it plus a little back in.  I just want to enjoy my birthday dinner without the fear of PBing a nice dinner all over the table.  Then again I don't want to gain any weight back either.  Hum, decisions decision.

We went out to eat last night and I ate almost an entire burrito, WTF?  I didn't think that was even possible.  I was too scared to weigh this morning since I hit a low of 156 yesterday.

And just because my band is a fickle sort milk is making me want to PB this morning.  MILK?  I ate my normal cream of wheat waited about 20 minutes and tried to take a drink of milk and it wanted to come up really bad. 

scale suprises!!

I decided I wasn't going to weigh this morning, I just had a feeling it would not be pretty with the combination of no exercise and the inflamation from my torn hammy.  But purely out of habit I jumped on the scale this morning and was rewarded with 156.8!!!   I sure hope it is a real loss and not muscle from nearly a week of no movement.  At any rate I am going to take it anyway!!

I go back to the doctor Thursday to have accupuncture done on my leg and get it re-taped.  It honestly feels better today, only excruciating pain when I have to sit in a lower chair, this includes the toilet so I can only imagine what people think when I make the omg that hurts noise as I sit down and stand up. 

Going out to eat with the man tonight.  Mexican, yummo!!

sport injuries suck

I have a grade 2 hamstring strain.  To be honest I didn't go to the orthopedic doctor because I knew they would put me on crutches ( I had a stress fracture in my knee three years ago and was on crutches for three months.  Don't care to repeat that).  My chiropractor is an amazing athlete who I have lots of faith in when it comes to sports injuries; he did acupuncture on it and taped me up with k-tape.  I go back Thursday so he can look at it and retape it.  No exercise that puts any strain on my hamstring, heck standing up and setting down hurts.  At first he told me I could bike but he changed his mind after he saw how bad it was and doesn't want me to rupture it.  Almost worth it though because Dr. Z told me he could really tell I was firming up and looking really good.  He asked me if I had a lot of people telling me because it was really noticeable.  I heart Dr. Z, lol

It was really kind of funny this weekend when I helped run an aid station at a 50K, 100K, and 100 mile run.  These poor guys and girls that had ran 95 miles would come up to the aid station and I would yell out in pain standing up from my comfy chair.  In my defense I did stay awake over 30 hours tending to my station.  Some of those guys are nuts.  One guy was doing his 3rd 100 mile run in 4 weeks; I talked to him a few minutes and he had gastric bypass and had lost over 100 pounds.  If that isn't motivating I don't know what is.  I can honestly say that I will never run 100 miles though, no desire whatsoever!!

My personal trainer is about to get fired I think.  My leg has been hurting for over a week.  I went him a text on my Tuesday workout and told him that I was hurt and he would have to go easy on me.  He promised he would.  We foam rolled my leg and he had me do a lot of upper body circuits, but there were still some things that hurt my leg that he had me push through.  The second part of the workout he had me running with weights in my hand and running stairs with a medicine ball.  I sent him a text today and told him I had to take a week off and he sent me a text back telling me I needed to come in anyway and do upper body.  I told him that I am not going to fall for that again and I wasn't going to have him push me through things that could rupture my hamstring since he obviously didn't understand how bad it was.  I sent him a message later with a picture of my taped up leg and he told me that I still needed to come in and work out with him and do upper body.  I told him I would do it on my own.  He didn't reply.  The more I think about it the more pissed off I get that he had me doing leg lifts and running stairs when he saw how much pain I am in.  I would tell the manager but he IS the manager.  I have a feeling he is putting a lot of pressure on me because I am losing quickly and my body is really firming up and he wants people to see me and think it is all him.  I have 6 or 7 sessions left and I am not going to buy more sessions.  I know weight training is important but I am ready to start focusing on running.

I got new running shoes today before I found out I couldn't even walk :(  On top of that the weather is going to be amazing this week :( :(

Back to work and the real world tomorrow.  Maybe I can get some rest....

even more pictures

As if I haven't posted enough pictures already, here are some from one of the photography students from the wedding last week.  Feel free to unfollow me now, there are 6 more photographers worth of pictures coming.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

love this picture!!

My favorite by far!!

You can see the dress is too big in the top shelf region here but I still like the picture

I am supposed to go to the gym tonight and work out with the trainer but I sent him a text and told him I couldn't make it.  When I was leaving for work this morning I noticed my big girl (Pyrenees golden mix) was shaking her head alot.  She is a gentle giant and normally has the sweetest personality; but she does not like to be messed with when it comes to putting spray or ointments or stuff like that on her.  In my hast to get to work I thought "peroxide, that's the answer".  Needless to say I had a very angry big girl on my hands.  She gave me a look that could kill anyone and hid under the bed.  I have no idea how she got under there or how she got out but when I told her daddy about it on the phone he thought it was the funnest thing ever.  Long story short I have to take her to the vet after work.

I have realized lately that it is much easier to eat junk food than it is to eat healthy food.  I can eat Cheetos, nachos, muddy buddies and never even come close to getting stuck but two bites of chicken and I am done.  I have always wondered how some people can fail with the band but I am pretty sure I have figured it out.  Luckily I am pretty good at staying away from those things.  

long rant...sorry

I have noticed that since I had my surgery 3 months ago I have always had someone with me when I go out to eat that knows about my surgery and kind of acts as a buffer to the people that don't know.  Since I have had my last two fills and have good restriction I hadn't been out to eat at all; until yesterday.  I went to a Chinese buffet with some co-workers, two that knew two that didn't.  I am still having the eyes bigger than the stomach syndrome so I got way more food than I could possibly eat.  About half way through the meal when almost everyone was going back for seconds one of the non-knowers asked me if I was feeling alright because I sure wasted my money on the food.  I just told him that I was pretty sure there was MSG in the food and it was making my stomach blah.

Tonight I am going out to eat with my older sister and the parental unit.  None of them know about the band.  I really wish D would go with me so I could sneak food over on his plate but I guess it is time I figure out how to handle these situations.  I have put off this dinner for 3 weeks so it is time to face the music.  I have no intention of ever telling my Mom about the surgery.  She is one of those people that, when I was at my largest, just assumed we were the same size.  Not normally an issue except that I worked out at least 3 days a week and she doesn't move ever.  She swears she is a size 14/16, brags about it even but can't wear pants without elastic waist.  She is all the time calling me wanting to borrow clothes.  Well I am almost in a 10 now but she hasn't noticed, or at least hasn't said anything about it.  So if she knew I had the surgery she would just have a great time with that.

Then there is the fact that my mother can't keep her mouth shut.  She is that person who posts things on facebook saying "please keep so and so in your thoughts and prayers today because....."  It seems nice but it is just her way of being a busy body and letting everyone know what is going on.  Let's take my heart condition for example.  I discovered I had an alarming high heart rate while running a 5K with a veteran runner whose wife is an RN.  Our goal was a PR for me until he saw how fast my heart rate was (I think it was 215) and he made me walk.  They almost made me go to the hospital that night but I kept telling them it was normal and I would call my doctor the following Monday and have it checked out.  Several tests and hundreds of dollars later it turns out I have something called inappropriate sinus tachycardia.  It is minor, nothing serious and it doesn't even required medication unless it gets uncomfortable or I start passing out. 
So I told my Mom about it so she would know since it is likely her or my dad has the same thing.  I asked her to please not discuss it with anyone because it wasn't a big deal and I didn't want everyone freaking out thinking I was going to die.  Twice she called me from a different aunts house asking me what my 'condition' is called so they could ask their doctor about it.  I refused to tell her and said as far as they were concerned I don't have any 'condition'.  Oh mothers.

Then there is my sister who will get drunk and tell everyone. 

I rest my case.  Not that I think it is a big deal but I am very private about my health and it is up to me to tell people not them.

OK, so on to smaller and better things.  Really tough workout last night.  Did circuits with the trainer, one of which nearly killed me I swear.  But I left the gym feeling better about myself than I have in awhile and every time I set down or stand up I remember it all over again, lol.

playing catch up

The "wedding" went off really well.  I don't know how people do that for real, I was exhausted and I didn't have to do any of the planning.  I have a few pictures that people took with iPhones but won't have real pictures for a week or so.  As you can tell by the pictures we spent most of the night laughing.

The funny thing is that the dress fit me perfectly when I bought it but I had to stuff my bra to keep it from falling off that night.  The first time in my life I have ever had to stuff anything, lol.  Even though it was a cheap dress and a fake wedding I took the dress in and had it preserved.  We really did have a great time and I would like to have the dress if someone else would like to use it.

I found out Friday that my little sister's 15 year old lab mix had to be put down.  It was so sad, she had to bottle feed him as a puppy, he was a part of the family.  The fair was in town and we had decided we wouldn't go this year but I took her on Saturday to try and cheer her up.....with food of course.  I didn't do bad, I am pretty restricted and being upset is making it worse; but I did eat some nachos and a red velvet funnel cake...

 

not sure why some of the pictures are coming out sideways?

There were a few booths that had Miss Me jeans, I wanted to try them on but I just knew they wouldn't fit just yet and didn't want it to spoil my mood.  Besides, who tries on jeans at the fair?

I have the day off today and decided to go to a store that specializes in designer jeans.  Guess what?

Yup, that is my ass in a pair of designer jeans!!!!  Granted it is the largest size they make but I couldn't have done that a few months ago.  I didn't buy them because I am certain they would be too big by Christmas and I don't want to pay $100 for jeans that I can only wear a few months.  Besides, in the dozens of styles they had there was only one pair in my size and I want to pick what style I get, not settle.

Oh, and I weighed 159 this morning!!!!  I am so close to a healthy BMI.

fill 'r up

I don't think the doctor wanted to give me a fill yesterday.  I am officially down 16.5 pounds on their scale and 7 pounds since my last visit.  I am getting hungry about every 2 hours and I am starting to be able to eat more so he gave me a whooping .2CC!!!  I thought he would at least give me a half.

He thinks I am close to my green zone and since we are doing micoadjustments he told me to call in two weeks if I am not losing and he will give me more of a fill. 

I weighed this morning and I was down to 160.0!!  That is 1.2 pounds down from yesterday.  I am so close to a healthy BMI.

Tomorrow is my fake wedding!!!  I am actually getting nervous.

Work sucks

I think I have hit stress overhload.  I have worked OT almost every day for the last two weeks.  Today I was on my way to the gym for the first time in a week and my supervisor called me and asked me to come into the office.  I told her no.  My work computer was at my house, I had an appointment with the trainer and I wasn't going to cancel again, especially not 15 minutes before my appointment.  I did end up working from home and will go in early tomorrow but I got in a workout.  It wasn't stellar because I am beat but it was better than sitting on my fat ass at the office.  I really hoped things would die down a little since yesterday was the start of our new FY but since the other lead in my division retired Friday it doesn't look like it is going to.  It probably wouldn't be so bad if I not only had to start taking over her duties, take on a huge project, and close out the FY; I also had to plan and pretty much pay for the other leads retirement party.  She is a good friend so I didn't mind making sure her last day was amazing but holy cow, a little help here!!

I am not sure if I have mentioned on here but I plan on going to London for the 2012 Olympics.  My cousin is going to school there and she lives about 2 miles from the Olympic stadium.  Tickets, it seems, are impossible to come by at this late date (a year out) so I have been watching the web like a hawk for any possible tickets.  Last night I saw that there is an Olympic run March 31 a 5 mile run through the stadium and crossing the official finish line.  That almost sounds like as much fun as the actual games to me, and plane tickets are $500 cheaper.  Of course you have to sign up for a lottery to get to run and you need a UK address.  I signed up using my cousins address.  I doubt if I get drawn but if I do I have to figure out a way to be able to do that run!!  If I go for the run or the games I am really excited about going to London.

Food has been ok.  I have noticed that now that I have restriction I am paying less attention to the quality of food that I am eating.  I rationalize it by telling myself I am not eating that much anyway.  I really need to do better but it is a learning process and I am glad I am noticing the patterns at any rate. 

Fill tomorrow, curious to see what the official weight is going to be.  Also curious to see how much he is going to give me.

Wednesday I am only working half a day since I have to get ready for my fake wedding.  My stylist is going to do my hair and make-up because the pictures are real.  I can't imagine having to do this for real, I would kill people, lol.

Hope everyone has a good week.