Sea turtles and therapy dogs make life better.  I have an appointment with my doctor in January to get my ambien refilled, if I can get it moved to telehealth I am going to extend.  My mom is NOT happy about that but Christmas is an arbitrary date, we will do it another day.  The per diem is 3X what I normally get and with a kitchen in my condo I don't eat out much at all. 

Aloha

 I feel very betrayed by all of the television and movies.  I did not have a lei put around my neck the second I stepped off the airplane.  Very disappointing.  The flights were unremarkable.  I paid for an upgrade and ended up in first class from Tulsa to Denver and Economy Plus from Denver to Kahului and had an entire row to myself.  I was a little anxious about an 8 hour plane ride but it went fine.  I hope to change my return flight times and hopefully catch another upgrade.

Working 6-6:30 keeps me from doing anything.  They do let us leave about 4:30 on Sundays.  I went to the beach and walked around.  It is dark when I leave my condo and dark when I leave work.  The condo is really nice.  I love having a washer and dryer.  I was able to put my clothes in the wash immediately after coming in from the beach.  For some reason I ended up with a 2 bedroom condo so if anyone wants a free room in HI I have the space.  

Dennis said Truman is doing good.  He makes a big show of telling my family not to stress me out while I am gone and succeeded in pissing me off while I was at lunch today.  Go figure.

I am obsessed with the chickens here!!  I looked it up and according to google the hurricanes caused chicken coops to collapse and there are no predicators here so they continue to thrive.  

Several people have gotten tattoos while they are here and I told them I was going to get a chicken.  We will see if that happens.

I will get a day off.  For now I plan on taking 16 or 17 December because humpback whale season starts the 15th.  I also want to snorkel around the reefs.  Not sure if that second part is going to happen, I didn't realize how cold the water was until I planned on going wading on Sunday and just ended up with my feet in the water.  Someone said the water was 72 degrees but I didn't look it up.  It is in the mid to high 80's though so going in the heat of the day might make it more tolerable.  

OK, gotta get back to work.  

Truman

I am so stressed out that I am afraid I am going to make myself sick.

The most important one, Truman.  He is doing ok.  I had a strange dream that I had taken him to work with me.  We had to climb a staircase to get to the office and as we reached the top he fell through a gap in the hand rail and hit pavement.  There was more office stuff to the dream but the part about Tman was so vivid.  I had planned on WFH that day and thought some about going at lunch to get a pedicure but something just felt off so I sent her a text about 8:30 and told her that it wasn't going to work out.   My mom called shortly after to see if I could take her to the doctor at 10:45.  I told her that I honestly couldn't, I had too much going on at work and couldn't take off this time.  Of course my sister's are completely worthless.  While I was on the phone with her Truman kind of jumped up and started seizing.  He has never had a seizure before and I was 100% sure he was dying.  I started to scream his name and just dropped the phone.  She tried to call me back but I never heard the phone.  I kind of moved him off his dog bed because I thought I was going to have to do cpr.  I finally remembered my mom but she had hung up, probably calling 911, lol.  I grabbed my pj pants and called Dennis.  T was still seizing.  I told him that I was sure he was gone and I needed him to come home.  About that time my little man defecated and in my experience that means they are dead.  I guess I told Dennis he was gone.  He was foaming at the mouth and just thinking about it makes me cry.  Anyway he finally stopped and I told Dennis to meet me at the vet.  I wrapped him in a towel and left in my pj pants and ugg slippers.  My friend Brook is on my speed dial list so I called her and after saying oh fuck 700 times I was finally able to tell her what was going on and asked her to call my office and let AP know what was going on.  I was shaking too bad to find her in my contacts.  When we got to the vet I ran in and said I need help, he had a massive seizure.  They rushed him to the back.  Dennis got there before the vet brought him back in.  When they brought him back in he was doing the typical post trauma behavior until I sat on the ground and put him in my lap and he laid down and went to sleep.  They gave him a strong sedative and prescribed him medication that has to be given every 8 hours, like set your alarm and give him meds, not just 3 times a day.  The bad news is that the most common cause of seizure at his age is a brain tumor.  They said they could do a ct scan but the treatment would be the same.

I got to bring him home, which I really thought I wouldn't be doing.  He was knocked out due to the overall exhaustion and the sedative.  I put him in my lap and I worked in my recliner.  He slept there most of the day.  About 4 I put him on the ground to let Bai out and he followed him outside.  He was a bit wobbly but he did his business and came back in and got in his bed.  I swear I am having ptsd flashbacks.  I really want to cancel my deployment but that train has pretty much left the track.  I would just take him but since I am working 6 am to 6 pm that is not optimal either.  Dennis isn't working and he will be fine with him but it isn't the same.  Plus I wouldn't be able to give him meds every 8 hours.  He ate is dinner last night and took his meds both last night and this morning.  

Added stress...

My mom is needing help getting to doctor's appointments.  My sisters are worthless as shit and won't help.  Dennis stepped up and is taking her to get an injection in her back next week.  That will interfere with T-man getting his meds on time.  I feel like we are early enough in the treatment to play with the times a little.  The vet said if he doesn't get them every 8 hours he may have break through seizures. Thankfully my cousin will be here 13 December and can help with that while she is here.  

Dennis is at his limit for his family.  I have been there for years but he had to get there on his own.  His sister sent him a message out of the blue that she found out their mom had told him that no one had checked on her after the father's day storm that destroyed the fences at both of our houses and my roof. She said that she had tried to come by and check and had called and she pulled her phone records to prove it.  I told him she is feeling guilty and just let it go.  Dennis pretty much ignored my house because I was able to get things started at my house to get his mom's started.  None of his family came over or offered to help, they expected Dennis to do it all.  The two of us put up her temp fence and his brother who had just happened to be in town helped him with doing some of the tree stuff that I couldn't help with.  One of is sisters had the nerve to send him a message telling him that it isn't fair for his brother to be expected to help do stuff at their mom's house when he is in town.  Fuck that.  It isn't fair that they just leave it all to Dennis!  As a matter of fact one of the grandkids had borrowed FIL's chainsaw and didn't return it so Dennis just bought a new one for there.  I am over it.  He has no plans to go over there at all during the holiday.  We go out with my family and he normally skips it because he doesn't want to have to pay $40 for dinner when he is going to eat again.  I get it.  This year he is going with.  

OK, I feel a little better getting that out.  I feel like I am being pulled a thousand different directions.  

Tonight me and HMF moved our Beetlejuice tickets to tonight (which was oddly in the dream I mentioned above).  I am not nearly as excited for it as I was but maybe that will change once I get there.  I am no longer going to wear my fun goth dress, I am wearing jeans and a sweater.  

Food yesterday wasn't good in the too stressed to eat respect.  I didn't eat until  I went to get Truman's medication ($300) I went and got a juicy burger and when I started eating it all the hunger came back.  I almost inhaled it.  When I weighed this morning I was 89 pounds.  I swear I am eating, I am.  When I get back from Hawaii I will start the investigation in to what the hell is going on.  Maybe a change of scenery will help me?  I have no idea why my body is so fucked up right now.  

Plans so far

 Well, the tickets are booked and the hotel reserved.  Funding has been transferred but it still doesn't feel real.  This time next week I will be at the airport!!

Friday November 24 I will fly to Denver leaving at 9 to Denver.  I have almost a 2 hour layover and leave for Kahului Maui at noonish, landing at 4:10

The hotel they have set up for us is a condo in Kihei.  It is one bedroom so I won't be sharing and has a full kitchen and washer and dryer.  I have never had a set up like this for longer deployments so it will be nice.  The washer and dryer alone has me over the moon excited as laundry is a pita when you work 12 hour days 7 days a week.

My return flight starts on Saturday December 23rd at 3ish, 5 hour flight to LAX, 2 hour layover, 4 hour flight to Chicago landing at 6 am, 2 hour layover and back in Tulsa at 10:30 am on Christmas Eve.  I think it's safe to say Christmas Eve is shot for me.  I am going to take the next three weeks off, with the exception of a few hours to do my travel voucher.  I am not keen on having a $13,000 hotel bill just setting out there.

All of that being said, I am a nervous wreck.  I have never been this far away from my family and never during the holiday.  Losing my dad so close to Christmas just kind of took what little fun left in the holiday.  I know Dennis will have a hard time this year too since his dad passed on Jan 3.  I am a little bit glad to be away.  My cousin will be in Tulsa on December 13th so my mom won't be alone for long.  

I really hope we have some downtime because there are lots of things I want to see while I am there.  Mostly Pearl Harbor and some of the reefs.  I bought 2 bathing suits on amazon yesterday in the hopes that I will get a chance to use them.  

So much to do.  I have my hair appointment cancelled and I will go have my extensions moved up Wednesday of next week.  I have to cancel my allergy doctor and Dennis's cardiologist.  I hope we can get him in before the end of the year.  I don't think he was too upset about having to move his appointment out though.  He did get a message last night from a friend whose wife works in a cardio surgery and she said that his doctor is really good and I think that might have help ease his fears a little.  

I was able to transfer my Beetlejuice tickets to Thursday so I will get to see it before I leave!!

Aloha for now....

Maui

On the advise of my Supervisor I sent and email to the Hawaii RFO to see if I was still on the list to deploy 26 December.  Turns out I was not, they didn't know I had volunteered so they put someone else in, but thanks for volunteering.  That paired with all the retirement talk on here and I was just really over this working for a living scam.  I told Brook but I was really too disappointed to tell anyone else.  The next day I get an email sitting in my inbox when I sign in saying the person that was supposed to leave the day after Thanksgiving had to bow out and asked if I would be interested in going 24 November and back on Christmas Eve?  So, I'm waiting for the funding code to come my way so I can start making my travel arrangements.  That should dose the jealousy flame for a little while at least.  Obviously my mom isn't thrilled with the idea but she can get over it.  She was very concerned about my cousin coming into town.  I will be here for more of her stay his way than I would have been if I left in December.  Anyway, I hope we get a little down time so I can explore a little.  I would love to see Pearl Harbor and maybe I can get the Obama's to invite me over for a pre-holiday party.  I am sure they would love to have me.

It will be a strange holiday season for sure.  

The parade of people starts Monday.  BIL and niece will be here that evening.  Dennis is acting like a child trying to get as much stuff done around their mom's house as possible.  He is being a massive tool about the whole thing, doing it all so that when his brother gets here he can be all 'look at what I have done, what do you do when you are here' kind of bullshit.  He told me he may need my help putting up some portable shed, I was like um, why don't you wait and ask your engineer brother.  You would think I had asked him to slaughter baby daddy and prepare him like a turkey for dinner.  He is also holding fast to not going to Thanksgiving with them.  Me leaving will strengthen his case a little.  That reminds me, I have to call the restaurant we have reservations at and see if I need to prepay.  

I need to get in touch with my friend's daughter and see how Henry is doing.  They said depending on the x-ray he could have gone home yesterday.  She just got back from Korea so I haven't been able to get in touch with her.  I added that to the list.

I had hoped to get my roof replaced before Christmas but the obviously isn't happening.  I have gotten quotes from $7-13k.  I really wish I knew more about roofing to know I'm not getting hosed.  I know for sure I am not going with the lowest, something seems off.  He sent an estimate based on google earth then came over and measured it and verbally told me the quote.  I told him that I would appreciate it if he could email it to me so I have it for my records.  The quote pretty much said replace roof, discard trash...$7,000.  This compared to the guy before him telling me the type and depth of plywood they would use, the vents, etc.  I am not a fan of homeownership at the moment.  Renting is underrated sometimes.  

Lowkey birthday

Went into the week fully intent on starting weight training.  I took Connie's advice and reached out to the trainer about doing 30 minute workouts twice a week.  We had it set up for Monday and I was dressed and backing out of the driveway when I got an advocacy call.  So I had to pivot.  I hated to tell the trainer I had to cancel, especially 20 minutes before I was supposed to be there but such is life.  I worked with a different advocate and SANE this time but it went well.  I did all the paperwork, gave out the info and got signatures and stuff.  The plan is to turn me out to do calls on my own after one more case.  It went as well as I could have hoped.  This case was a juvenile so it was a little different than what I am used to.  Never underestimate how naïve teen girls are.  I just wanted to shake her and ask her what she was thinking.  That took about 3 hours and we got her on her way.  

Tuesday I went into the office and the day dragged on forever.  All my work friends were out so I had to actually concentrate on work.  I have training slides I needed to get done and some reports I had to finish up so it was busy but without the teams messages it was boring.  I had planned on working Wednesday, which was my birthday, but Dennis got a call about the results from his chemical stress test and they want to do a heart cath to see if they need to put stents in.  He asked me to go with him to talk to the doctor because he is terrified so I just took all day off.  I think they convinced him to have the procedure done.  They originally set up the procedure for next week but he freaked the fuck out and pushed it until December 1.  Personally, I would want to get it over with.  

Wednesday night we had tickets to the Moth Story Hour.  For non NPR weirdos it's a story slam where people get up and tell true stories without a script or notes.  There were 5 story tellers and they were all really good, the first and last were particularly good.  The first was a native guy who moved out to the country and fosters dogs.  He has fostered over 300.  The last was a Vietnam vet who accidentally ran across his army uniform shirt in the Smithsonian.  The venue was a few doors down from the pizza place Olive was picked up from so we decided to get to the show a little early and stop in and eat.  I didn't think anyone would remember her but Dennis asked the waitress how long she had been there and she hadn't been there that long.  He told her why he was asking and she said 'hold on, I know someone who will remember her'.  A few minutes later another waitress came by and remembered her!!  She said she was a little nippy but for sure not feral like the others that come around.  She would come around for pets but would get a little bitey when she had enough.  We told her that missy was no longer the least bit nippy and we showed her a bunch of pictures of her sleeping on my chest and of the tattoo of her on my leg.  It really made my day.  She was so happy to see her happy and loved.  Sweet baby Olive must have been VERY pregnant because she mentioned that a couple of times.  We told her that the kittens didn't materialize and she didn't ask any questions.  So despite the appointment with the doctor, my birthday was good and low key like I like it.  

Thursday was full of errands.  I went to Sephora and Ulta to get my birthday freebies and Ross to see if I could find some fluffy pj pants which I did find a few of.  In my shopping adventure I also found a few things to pick up for Christmas gifts.  I don't do a lot of Christmas shopping anymore but I do send stuff to Brooke and exchange gifts with my sisters and Heather.  I had planned on buying Heather's plane ticket home but I was shocked her mom bought it for her, she will be here 13 December!!  I am looking forward to seeing her.  She is already talking about this years photo shoot 😩  We are talking about renting an igloo at the Christmas chute in the town my mom lives.  If they had a catering option we would have booked it, but it is kind of a pita to try and figure out dining options.     https://route66christmaschute.com/  

Thursday I did some laundry and spent some time with my babies.  That evening I had an appointment to get my annual eyebrow touch-up.  That takes a few hours but the girl that does it is pretty sweet and we talked for the first hour.  She is amazed at my pain tolerance as I nearly fell asleep at one point towards the end and she didn't put anything on to numb them.  I think she has talked me into doing my lips too instead of doing filler and crap.  I thought it might scratch the tattoo itch but it just made it worse.  I have so many ideas.

Friday, I made a few calls to get some more estimates on the roof replacement.  I have gotten 2 back, one is almost twice the other one.  I don't know enough about roofs to know exactly why.  I need to find someone knowledgeable to look them over and tell me.  I know the second includes gutters where the first one didn't but that does not justify that much of a difference.  I feel like getting a few more estimates might help fill in the gaps.  Sometime I just want to burn it down and start fresh. 

Saturday I got a slow start, we had extra cuddles in bed with Olive, Bailey, and Truman.  It makes it really hard to get started.  I had talked to a friend of mine earlier in the week and found out her dad, who was a gate attendant when I was a baby park ranger, fell and broke his back and was in a rehab center.  She was leaving for Korea for a week so I told her I would go and check on him.  The center is in the city I went to college in and I was sort of looking forward to driving around.  My mom was going with me and I wanted to show her how much it had changed in the 20 + 😱  years since I graduated.  We stopped for lunch at an Amish place I used to eat at all the time when I was a ranger and hadn't been in years.  The food was just as good as I remembered it.  It is a buffet, which is kind of a waste for me.  I had the best fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, chicken and noodles, and so much pie (peanut butter and blackberry cobbler).  I shouldn't have gone because now I am obsessed and want to go back when they have chicken fried steak.  I am making myself hungry.  

While we were eating lunch I got a text asking if I could take advocacy calls starting at 4:30.  I said that I could as I should be back by then, the center is only an hour and a half away from Tulsa.  I was glad to see Henry was as ornery as ever.  He is 92 and starting to show some signs of his age.  His short term memory is not good and he told me the same story several times.  Other than the back brace though he looked really good.  Pat, his wife is the same age and she has declined a lot more.  I consider Pat and Henry to be extended family, they are pretty special to me and they were both really surprised to see me since they didn't know their daughter had told me he had gotten hurt.  

As we were getting ready to leave I got a text that there was an SA call with a 4 year old.  It was a little after 2 so I wasn't really expecting to get called out.  I told them that I was a little over an hour away but would head that way.  I ended up having my mom drop me off at the hospital and Dennis picked me up later.  I was pretty nervous but to be honest, it wasn't as bad as I had feared.  We kept her entertained while the SANE did the exam.  She went along like it was a normal doctor appointment.  Obviously the situation was beyond fucked up.  I really wanted a huge margarita but I had calls until 10:30 so I just sat and watched tv and tried to calm my mind.  We didn't get another call, thankfully.  They are going to start scheduling me solo.  

Yesterday we went to my mom's to pick up my car from her house.  I meandered back to my house via Target and Petsmart to restock a few things.  I was starving but I nothing really sounded good.  There are a ton of options around but I just didn't feel like going in or eating in my car.  I ended up just fixing a grilled cheese at home.

I have no idea what this week hold for me.  I don't think there is much going on at work.  Things will calm down as things start to slow down as people start to take their use or lose.  I need to send an email to the EFO to see if the Hawaii thing is still a go because that will impact my leave schedule since I would be leaving the day after Christmas and for now I am scheduled off the last few weeks of December.  I don't want to lose any time. 

Like Sands Through the Hourglass

 Now that vacation is over I need to find something else to look forward to to get through the slog of daily life.  It's not as ominous as it sounds but that was a big check on the ole bucket list.  Maybe I can start planning on a trip to Best Friends in Utah next year.  I have a few friends who want to go but the only way that happens is if we just book it and make it work.  Timing is never perfect.

I have been really busy with work lately.  For some reason we have a ton of due outs that close 1 November so just staying afloat is difficult.  Add being gone for a week on top of that and I am ready to tear my hair out.  One more day and I won't have to deal with it.  We have a new reporting system on top of that so I am working over to make sure it is all done.  When we started planning this trip I said I couldn't really go until November but see above statement on timing.  It will all work out or it won't.  

The Friday I got back from vacay we had a mini reunion with college friends.  This group is all a part of one of those 'what small decision did you make that changed your life' type things.  I did my first 2 years at a junior college and move away with a friend for my first semester.  That was a disaster and she moved her boyfriend in and caused all kinds of issues.  I was going to try and do night classes and go to a school close to home because I couldn't afford to live alone, but I decided to talk to my advisor.  He suggested I move into an upper classman dorm because in his experience in situations like this I would probably not finish.  That was so very much not a cool decision but I didn't have much of a choice as I really didn't make a lot of friends in the 16 weeks I lived with the bitch. The dorm was coed and the men's basketball team lived there and we had so much fun and I made lifelong friends.  Funny thing is the last I talked to the bitch roommate she was miserable, underemployed and in the middle of a messy divorce.  She reconnected on social media and then posted some stupid anti-vax stuff so I ended up blocking her.  We had the same major and how she can take that much science/biology and still buy into the conspiracy is beyond me.

We went to a board game café and we were impressed with the quality of food.  It was perfect because there were tables set up for groups and the music wasn't loud, perfect for something like this.  

Saturday I went to a goth garage sale.  We have tickets for Beetlejuice the weekend after Thanksgiving and I thought about buying a black and white striped suit but I found this vintage dress for $10

granted it's more Wednesday than Lydia but I am going to wear my knee length combat boots so maybe that will offset it some.  It needs some TLC but if I get one wear out of it it is worth it.  I am going to have MIL look at it and see if it is worth saving.  The lace is a little yellowed so it needs dry cleaned at the very least before I wear it.

The girl that has been doing my nails for the last 2 years and I have become pretty good friends, I tell her she is the daughter I never wanted.  She is going through a really tough time.  I have met up with her several times the last few weeks and I'm trying my best to help her through.  Her boyfriend beat the shit out of her about a year ago and I told her then I would support her without judgement in whatever help she needs.  For some reason she finally decided to cut ties but she like most DV situations she is heavily financially dependent on him and when he found out she was done with him he stopped paying bills.  I have taken her to eat and sat with her a lot.  I gave her the information for the organization I volunteer for and talked to them about what I need to tell her.  My certifications are for SA and not DV, not that I am really comfortable working either one.  I just don't want her to get seriously hurt.  She is only 25 and has so much to offer but she doesn't see it.  I will for sure see her Sunday and I will see how she is holding up.  I decided to back off a little and not text her everyday to check up on her.

This last Saturday night I worked a water safety event in the cold pouring rain.  It was a lot busier than you would think for a wet 40 degree night.  One of the nearby Park Rangers worked it with me.  

We went through a shit ton of swag; bubbles, foam footballs, frisbees, sunglasses, canvas tote bags, etc.  We are one of the few that don't give out candy and I think that makes us kind of popular.  They shut down 3 blocks and have a lot of local businesses and organizations out.  It is a steady stream of people for 2 hours.  Last time I worked it there was a constant wall of people.  Due to the weather it wasn't that bad this year but it was still a huge event.  

On my way home from the event Dennis called me in a panic.  He said that there was a fight across the street and one of them shot at the other while he was leaving so to when I got home just go straight inside and lock the door.  He called me back a few minutes later and said the across the street neighbor was going to be sitting out on the bench on my porch with him.  OK.  I got there before cops and went inside and looked out the window like the nosey neighbor I am.  The house across from me is a rent house and a guy lives there with his daughter and her bf.  From what I later learned the dad found out bf was cheating on daughter and confronted him.  Dennis heard the fight and went outside because that's what you do.  The bf ended up shooting at the dad as he peeled out and daughter took off after him and Dennis witnessed the entire thing.  It was a mess.  I got home before the cops got there and I was kind of surprised at how quick they left but it turns out daddy doesn't want to press charges.  That makes me feel safe.  Yesterday afternoon both the bf and daughter's cars were back in the driveway.  It's all fun and games until an innocent bystander gets shot.  I am tempted to find out who the owner is and let them know about this so they don't renew the lease.  Not sure how to go about that without them knowing who told since Dennis was the only one who knows the story.  Not sure I really care at this point.  

Yesterday I finally had an adjuster come to my house to look at the storm damage.  The roof will have to be stripped down to the decking, gutters, soffit, facia, privacy fence, and some of the siding.  They will give us money towards the debris clean-up also.  I think I need to try and find an airbnb and stay for a few weeks with Bailey and Truman to keep them out of the way.  They may pay for that too.  I am supposed to hear something later this week.  Why did it take so long you ask?  Well they lost my paperwork and my phone anxiety kept me from making a move.  I finally decided it had to be done and made the call.  I have no idea why I hate to make phone calls but I do.  Next I have to make an appointment with the dentist.  By the time I work up the energy to do that it will be time for my next cleaning.  I need to find a place that does online appointments.

I haven't brought up my weight in awhile, mostly because I am not sure what is going on.  I am scared to death of gaining weight but know that I look pretty bad.  I will always have body dysmorphic disorder.  I don't think I will ever look at a picture of myself and think I look 'thin'.  I was the fat, ugly sister and was told that often by my sisters (obviously).  Funny thing is, they both now say 'you were never fat'.  I know what I lived.  At any rate my weight is still in the low to mid 90's with a bounce up to 97 occasionally.  I have been eating more but it probably isn't 1200 calories.  It is really hard for me not to count calories still.  I don't track but I always look and question if I should eat something based on calories.  My doctor gave me some guidelines to follow and surprisingly it isn't that much different than what I normally follow, I just need to focus on getting more nutrient dense food.  

I met up with a trainer I used to work out with last week.  I really would like to start going again but for some reason I just can't justify the cost.  I should seeing as how it will help me gain some muscle back and could increase my appetite but $450 a month just really seems like a lot.  I don't have a car payment but I will have to pay for some of the repairs to my house and until I know how much that is going to be I don't want to commit to spending that kind of money.  The trainer wants me to do 2 days a week with him and one day on my own.  It's just a lot to think about with Dennis not working.

Work will be stupid today with a mandated fun day.  A lot of people dressed up, including me.  What can I say, I love halloween.  I didn't put in a ton of effort.

Alright, got to get back to those reports.

Adventures in the big apple

 JHC do I need a week of straight sleep to recuperate from the trip.  I am still trying to process it all.

Our flight left on Thursday.  It was a sold out flight and everyone was seated on time so we got a little bit of an early start.  We ended up at the luggage carousel 30 minutes before our flight was scheduled to land.  My suitcase was one of the first to come out.  My sister B and BIL S got their bags pretty quick and we headed to the taxi area.  The hotel is less than 10 miles from the airport but it took well over 45 minutes to get there.  It wasn't even noon yet, luckily they had a room ready for me.  I was really surprised with how big the room was.  I expected to get a tiny room but it was a normal size room, probably bigger than some apartments there.  I was told before we left that S has a thing where he has to go to every Hard Rock I suggested we get it out of the way, it was about half a block from the hotel and I was getting hungry.  So we ate at the bar, split 2 appetizers and they each got a drink.  My sister made a comment at the airport that S had asked her if I was on drugs because I had lost so much weight and I needed to try and eat or he was going to force me into rehab.  Looking back on it, that was fucking hilarious but I'll get into that later.  I told her that I don't really drink anymore and that I can either eat or drink but that the obstructed stomach thing makes it hard for me to eat and drink at the same time.  Anyway, while we were sitting there we talked about what we were going to do that night.  They decided we needed to go to the Empire State Building.  I had told them that I was terrified of heights and wasn't looking to do tall buildings but I agreed to do it as long as we could go at night because it isn't as bad for me.  For whatever reason their phones wouldn't connect so I bought the tickets at freaking $79 each plus whatever fees you are forced to pay.  So it was $300 for something that I really didn't want to do and we would be done within an hour max.  While we were sitting there S said he had taken 2 gummies on the plane and he thought they were a lot stronger than what he thought he had taken.  It was fine, he was funny and laid back so no big deal.  He offered me a portion of one to get me through the ESB visit but I had my Valium.  

After lunch we walked to the Hudson.  Saw the Titan but didn't go on because it was almost 3 and it closed at 5.  We hung out there for awhile and started to head back to the hotel.  A few blocks from the river S decided we need to go into a bar.  OK, they needed to be back to check in at 4 so we didn't have a lot of time to do anything.  I actually got a drink or two.  They had something called strawberry baroness made with vodka, peach liqueur, some kind of citrus and muddled strawberries.  It was yummy!!   We got to talking to the bartender and turns out he is from the Tulsa metro.  His dad graduated high school at the same high school S went to and was like a year older.  He hooked us up and by the time we got back to the hotel I was feeling pretty happy.  We go to my room to get their bags and in his gummy haze S somehow lost track of his suitcase.  Turns out someone turned it into security instead of getting the NYPD bomb squad out to get it.  I was an anxious wreck between that and the apprehension of  going to the 106th floor of a building.  There was a Target across the street and my allergies were flaring so I made the comment that I was going to get some pataday for my eyes as I had ran out that morning.  B wouldn't let me go by myself, which kind of infuriated me.  By the time we got the Target run out of the way and unpacked it was time to meet up for ESB.  We decided we were going to walk around a little and get street food for dinner.  

It was really tasty.  

I thought it was so neat how you could see Times Square glowing like the Las Vegas strip

I stayed about 3 feet from any of the windows.  

After that we headed back to the hotel.  There is an Applebee's right off the hotel so they wanted to go in and have a drink.  I ended up sitting at the bar with a couple of empty stools next to me.  There was a pair of people, I hesitate to say couple as I think they were siblings, anyway they sat right next to me and proceeded to get cut off by the manager and still tried to order drinks from the bartender.  I really didn't want to be around that because I didn't want them falling on me and I sure as hell was over hearing the dude tell the bartender how beautiful she was and making her super uncomfortable.  We were all really tired so we were back in the room by 10:30.  I got showered and into bed but it took me awhile to wind down.  I did think to bring a fan because I thought it might be loud but other than sirens it wasn't bad.  

Friday we had tickets to the natural history museum. We had plans to meet up at 9:30 to get a cab to the museum.  I ran into the little shop and picked up a muffin and orange juice, have to take advantage of my $18 daily credit.  It was a pretty good grab and go pastry.  By the time I got back out to the lobby B & S were at the bar, S with a bloody mary and B with a mimosa.  Cool, whatever, it's vacation.  When I went to DC the dinosaurs exhibit was closed so I missed out on that.  So I spent a lot of time at the dino area.

 We hung out there for a few hours then walked to Central Park.  B wanted to go to Tavern on the Green, S wanted to go to strawberry fields.  I didn't care since we didn't have anything until dinner reservations at 6.  S did the navigating and B started to get really bitchy.  She was cussing him somewhat under her breath and calling him an idiot.  I told her to chill.  We ended up at strawberry fields and I thought there was going to be a murder.  Probably didn't help that I told her that she could have given the directions.  I ended up grabbing a pedicab and we went to Tavern on the Green.  It was well passed lunch by then and we knew we had dinner plans but she was determined.  We couldn't even get a spot at the bar.  I just wanted water but they both got drinks.  S got a double and ended up downing 2 in the short time we were there.  We were pretty far from the hotel so we were going to grab a cab when another pedicab guy picked us up 

bridge and rock from ELF

The pedicab driver was Irish so S decided we need to go to an Irish pub.  We split an appetizer and more drinks were had by the dynamic duo even though the undercurrent of snipping was very evident.  I know he had at least 2 more doubles.  They said when they were in Ireland they had a thing that they stopped at every 3rd Irish pub.  I thought that was funny...at first.  It wasn't a joke.  We stopped at every fucking third pub.  The things we could have done instead blows my mind.  It was supposed to get really cold and rainy the next day and I left my coat in my car so I planned on stopping at a store in times square to get a jacket.  Unbeknownst to us there was a huge Palestinian/Israel protest and they closed all the stores.  That was disappointing, but  the weather was still nice so it wasn't a huge deal.  I did stop at a souvenir shop and picked up a poncho and a sweatshirt for the next day.  I tried so hard to get my sister to go back to her room but she wouldn't let me go out alone, super annoying.   Did we stumble right in the middle of the protest?  Maybe, but it was peaceful.  I even pulled out my mask because it was crowded and there was a lot of screaming.

We didn't stick around long, it didn't feel like we should be there as tourists as most people there have a serious cause they are fighting for and I don't feel informed enough to have a viewpoint.  We headed back to get ready.  It felt very voyeuristic 

S was pretty close to black out drunk at this point.  This place served family style so we were trying to decide on food and S kept saying he wanted meatballs and some kind of shellfish.  Well I am allergic to shellfish but I don't care.  B was aggravated at S and we were trying to get stuff to share.  We ended up getting the meatballs, stuffed mushrooms and chicken piccata.  S ordered 2 Stella's and downed one pretty quickly.  He stumbled to the bathroom and I told the waitress to please refrain from asking him if he wants more.  He was stuffing whole meatballs in his mouth and being generally belligerent and embarrassing.  He got lost on his way back to the table from the restroom.  He finally gets up and said he was going to walk back to the hotel.  I tried to discourage it, I told him if he gets mugged he won't be flying home on Sunday.  Like most drunk people he didn't want to hear it and just walked off.  I told both of them that the entire trip was planned around going to a broadway show and I wasn't going to risk being late because of his choices.  We went to the show without him.  

 It was magnificent.  They guy that developed Schitt's Creek developed the show and it was so funny.  It is supposed to tour starting next year and I would go see it if it comes close.  Very much worth it.  We went right back to the hotel after the show to make sure S made it back.  He was sound asleep.  

As promised, the next day was cold and rainy.  We thought getting a cab would be harder than it was.  I stopped in and got a chocolate croissant for the ride, it was really good too.  On the way there B announced that S was back on the wagon and was going to be in a mood.  Our tickets were for 10 and we got there right on time.  It was a little surreal.  I felt a little rushed but for the most part I kept to myself and tried to take my time.  While we were at the show the night before I told B that since the weather was going to be gross we I was going to go to another show and she/they could either join me or do their own thing.  She decided since S ruined the night before he was going to buy us tickets to a show that night.  We ended up with tickets to the Lion King.  We had both seen it several times on the tour but S had never seen it and it was neat to see the difference in the tour and resident shows.  Anyway, after the 9/11 memorial we walked a few blocks in the pouring rain to see Hamilton's gravesite.

 

I had an appointment on Sunday to go to the piercing place but we decided given the weather we would try to move the appointment.  They were pretty quiet so we started walking that way.  Granted it was cold and raining but S was walking like he was on a mission.  It didn't matter what direction we were going, he would walk with the light, regardless of what direction we were supposed to be going.  I'm sure there were at least 2 bars squeezed in.  I finally gave up and got a cab the rest of the way.  Should have done that in the first place.  While I was at the jewelry store you will never guess what the other 2 did.  Yup, they found a bar.  

I spent a lot more than I planned but I really liked the black diamonds!!  It didn't help that my sister kept coming over to see what was going on and pressuring me into spending even more money.  I do love them but I hope they hold up well.  The top black one is the new piercing and I didn't even feel it.  It is kind of bad because kept forgetting to clean it.  It is a little swollen today but it is still one of the easier ones.  

From here S said he needed a nap and I wanted to go to Zara shopping since we don't have one here.  I had mentioned several times that I wanted to go but you know how that goes.  B wanted to get something to wear to the Lion King.  She tried to pressure me into buying a coat.  I told her that I didn't want to deal with it.  I have a brand new coat I bought at the end of the season last year that I have never even worn.  I just need something to get me through the night.  Did she listen?  Nope, she found a coat she liked and bought it and told me to wear it while we were there.  Fine.  It was a fine coat but not anything special and there were definitely more affordable alternatives.  The drunker she got through the night the more she brought up that fucking coat.  At one point she told me to just keep it.  I don't know why I found it so irritating.  I didn't buy anything.  I just didn't really see the sense it spending money at Gap, H & M or other places I have here.  Anyway, after the shopping trip we went back to the rooms to dry off, warm up, and get ready for the Lion King.  We decided just split appetizers at the hotel since we didn't have any reservations.  Our original plan was to go eat at the place we went the first day and get kobe burgers because it was right next to a comic-con and the people watching was prime.  

 

The show was great but by the time we left my sister was trashed.  S was more or less guiding her through the street to keep her upright.  She decided we needed to stop and get another drink.  S and I decided we should probably get some real food in her stomach besides wine.  I reminded her of the people that got cut off at the applebee's the first night but she decided to risk it.  We got a table instead of going to the bar, which I am not sure she could have pulled off.  She was still being really snippy and horrible to S and calling him an idiot.  I was just 100% over it.  She got on some tangent about how everyone forgot about the OKC bombing and that it was all bullshit that it got overshadowed.  I was like, first of all, shut the fuck up saying shit like that in a public place, second not a competition.  I was more or less mortified.  She would go from saying we live in a shit hole town to 3 seconds later defending it because "it's trying"  I was dizzy.  It got to the point that B drunkenly knocked her wine glass off the table and shattered it.  The staff were over very quickly to clean it up but B was saying that she threw the glass off the table because she was mad at S.  It was well passed time to go home at that point.  

This brings us to the final day.  I decided I wanted to walk down to World of Hershey and make my own peanut butter cup.  They opened at 10 and I got there right after they opened.

While I was out B called to see where I was.  I told her I was about to walk back to my room.  She said she was wanting to get out so I was like, cool.  Her plan was to walk to Saks.  It opened at 12 and I had to be checked out at 1 (they got a 2 checkout).  After we had been walking for well over 30 minutes I asked her how much further it was.  Well, she was going off of memory.  I was like good job magellan, we have just enough time to catch a cab back.  

I had most of my stuff packed up already so it didn't take long to get out of there.  I got a text that they were sitting in their room watching football if I wanted to hang out.  UM, NO I don't want to watch football when I am home.  I ended up finally getting to go to Zara!  It might have been a good thing I didn't have more time.  I found a really cute full length dress coat that I was able to have shipped home.  There was more drinking my both B and S.  I don't know how they do it.

The flight home was fine, we ended up getting back early and I was home in my pj's before 10.

My sister is already talking about us going back in the spring to see the Outsider's.  

In summary, I am glad I went but mistakes were made.  I should have bought tickets for a show on Saturday regardless of what they had planned.  Lion King was good but it wouldn't have been my first pick.  I also would have just done what I wanted and not told them what I was planning.  I kind of felt like I needed to check in with the protests and stuff but it was all fine.  I probably wouldn't have gone by myself but I totally would now.  I realize that I am a west coast type of person and that I like NY style pizza a lot more than Chicago. Broadway is everything I had hoped it would be.  

I took off work until Wednesday and got my hair done one day.

The hair niece sold her salon and started working booth rent again.  She made the comment that she did that to hide behind their pricing structure and hours.  Her prices increased a lot.  I want to hate my hair so much but realistically I know that I won't find anyone else that does the quality she does any $$$.  I wonder how things will change once she has her baby.  I think she is due sometime around March?  I hope that going lighter will allow me to go longer between appointments.

For some reason I have kind of started looking at cars.  I had to take my mom to the eye doctor on Wednesday and played on my phone and found a 2021 Nissan Murano with like 40K miles fully loaded.  It had hail damage so it was considered wrecked.  It was a hell of a deal.  I got the VIN number and before I could even get the results back it had sold.  He had a couple of more but I wasn't as blown away as I was by the first one.  He is supposed to call me if he comes across another one.  He has a 2018 platinum series now but meh.

Friday we got a message from the strike team that they are looking for people to go to Hawaii 24 November - 24 December.  I put my name in but they had it filled.  They have me tentatively schedule to backfill starting 26 December.  I am not going to hold my breath.  

Friday night I met a group of friends from college for dinner at a board game cafe.  It was a good time considering we all drank water and home by 10.  Our younger selves would have hung our heads in shame.

 And I leave you with Ms. Olive taking her spot on my suitcase.  

vaca countdown

Today is the last day of work before I start my vacation.  I really should have just taken today off but I have to lead training for a national program on my first full day back so I really need to get everything set up and as close to ready as it can be.  Brooke is off work today and I should be able to fly through stuff but the focus is just not there.  Instead I have been reading y'alls updates.

My mom ended up getting pretty sick with a horrible cough.  My sister's boyfriend, who we call Dr. boyfriend (DR BF for short) went by on his way to my sister's house and gave my mom a 'rona test and listened to her lungs.  He said her lungs sounded fine and the test was negative.  I really wish she would go to the doctor and get an x-ray because she still has a vicious cough.  I have a hard time trusting the judgement of anyone who drives almost 2 hours one way everyday to be at my sister's 😏 He did prescribe her some cough meds and that at least helped her sleep a little.

I don't think much really happened last week.  I got a call from DVIS earlyish friday for the rape crisis center.  I obviously can't go into details but they told this poor girl that in order to be treated she has to file a police report.  That is most definitely  not the case.  We got her in the SANE room from the ER about 10 and we were there until 2.  I was able to work flex that day and just worked when I got home.  

The week was pretty chill.  Nothing really stands out.  Since my mom was sick I didn't go over on Saturday like I normally do.  I ended up going to a few stores to see if I could find some jeans.  I came out empty handed.  The places I looked didn't carry my size.  Dennis was at his mom's doing some work so I called and asked if they wanted me to drive thru a chicken place that MIL loves and bring lunch as it was almost 1 at that point in time.  I also had some pants I had bought that needed hemmed.  I ended up sitting and talking to her for a few hours.  I found out that both Dennis and her think they have seen FIL in the house.  I love the idea of ghosts but I'm not sure I buy into it.  FIL did die in the house but he didn't seem the type to want to hang out there long term.  Who knows.  If it makes them feel better that is all that matters.  

Monday was a holiday so I went and checked on my Mom.  She said she felt better so I took her to lunch.  We went to a place called Nelson's that is only open for lunch during the week but has the most amazing chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes around.  I never get to go for obvious reasons so I was hyped.  I ate almost my entire meal 😋I took a picture and sent it to Dennis because I knew he would be shocked. That was about all my mom had energy for.  I spent the rest of the day working on some stuff that I wasn't able to get to on Friday for the training.

I am in the office today but the distractions are making it difficult to get much done.  I may have to put my huge over ear headphones on.  I don't like to wear them too long because they make my ears hurt after awhile but I may not have much choice.

Not sure what tomorrow will bring.  I kind of need to make a last minute trip to Target to pick up some travel stuff but there is a Target across the street from the hotel and it might be easier to just get stuff there.  We have a lot of the tickets purchased already so we have a chunk of the days planned.

Thursday we leave at 7 am, should land about 10 eastern time.  We will go drop off our bags and walk around Times Square.  I have an appointment at 5:30 at Maria Tash to have my ear curated and a new piercing.  I want to get a new earing for my conch piercing.  They are one of the only places I am aware of that has real gemstones and I kind of want a black diamond stud that looks like a spider web.  We are going to have dinner at a place called Balthazar that is supposed to have the best french fries.  My sister said they are french fries so amazing no amount of ozempic will silence them.  We always split an order with a strict no fry left behind policy.  There are a few other places in the area we want to check out, including a Fluevog store 💞 My plan is to spend my shoe money at MT so we will see how that goes.

Friday we start off the sanctioned fun at natural history museum at 10.  We have dinner reservations at a place called Tony's Di Napoli before the show - & Juilette.  

Saturday we are doing the 9/11 museum in the morning.  We were going to do a ferry trip but it is supposed to rain so we might move that up to Thursday.  

That is pretty much it for the firm plans.  I might try to sneak in another show with rush tickets or not.  I feel like we have a lot planned but writing it out it doesn't seem as bad as I thought.  I am not the type to really want to plan a lot, I would rather play it by ear.  I know there will be some shopping and probably a lot of food and drinks.  My sister has been before so I am trusting her to kind of plan it out.  I am not the kind of person who needs someone around to have fun so if they want to do something I don't want to do I will just do my own thing.  My sister isn't the type to get offended by that so it should be a really fun trip.  I literally have butterflies I am so excited.

OK, I really need to up my focus game and get some stuff done.  The day is quickly getting away from me.

SO CLOSE

Not even gonna lie, I was looking forward to a little furlough vacation.

I didn't want a 35 day furlough but a week would have been nice.  Especially since they passed a bill that when they try and play these games with our livelihoods we are guaranteed back pay.   The least they could have done is give us a day in exchange for all the shit they put us through.  

Since I stopped doing allergy shots I have started having a lot of trouble with my eyes.  The end of last week my eyes were really swollen and red.  I went to see the ophthalmologist on Friday and got some steroid eye drops.  It has helped a lot.  I need to decide if this is the hill I am willing to die on with the allergy doctor.  I contacted the other clinic in town but they say it is their busy season?  Not sure how long it will take to get an appointment.  The allergy clinic I have been going to is already booked up for shots this week and I wouldn't be able to get in until Monday.  It is so inconvenient.  HMF goes to or went to the same clinic and she stopped when they started requiring appointments for shots too.  I hope they can transfer the serum to the new clinic since I paid for it but I have a feeling I am going to have to start all over again.  I had very similar reactions when I was growing up and the biggest trigger was cats.  We all know my kitties aren't going anywhere so I will have to figure out the allergy clinic nonsense.  

Speaking of HMF we went to the first show in the broadway season on Sunday.  

The first show was Aladdin.  It was fine, not one I would be in a hurry to see again.  It was funny and the effects were cool.  I went home and googled how they made the magic carpet fly.  The costumes were gorgeous.  The genie doesn't have as big of a role as in the movie, which is a good thing because I can't imagine them trying to match the energy of Robin Williams.  We went to lunch before the show and watched A's hockey game, they are undefeated.  All of his games are in the Dallas area so I haven't been able to see him in person.  HMF is trying to talk me into going with them the end of this month for the last games.  She sent me a screenshot of the hotel reservations showing she made hotel reservations for a double queen suite.  I am not sure I want to stay in a room with her and A though.  I don't think I would enjoy all of the togetherness.  I need some downtime.  It is just an overnight trip so we will see.  I do really like watching him play.  

Things are kind of imploding with the in-laws.  Dennis told me last night that he isn't going to participate in the holiday crap this year.  I have felt like they treat us like an afterthought for a very long time but I haven't said anything and sucked it up to go along to get along.  He is starting to see it that way too.   When FIL was put in the hospital in December SIL borrowed FIL's car because they gave one of theirs to their lazy overgrown child son (he's in his mid 30's).  They didn't plan on him coming out of the hospital so when he did go home MIL told SIL that she needed to get the car back.  That pissed her off and she ranted to Dennis about how she still needed the car but he didn't engage.  They couldn't afford a car blah, blah, and all that.  Fast forward to summer and not only have they bought a new car but they had a pool put in.  Dennis is very suspicious about where the money came from.  FIL asked Dennis to be the executor of his will but no one else seems to want to honor his wishes and just let MIL take everything over.  It's a big mess.  There are 4 kids in his family and 2 have kids.  FIL set up his will so that the kids get the inheritance and if they want to give some of it to the kids that is up to them.  Dennis knows that MIL is sending cash in the mail to the one grandkid that lives in Kentucky so there is no record.  He said that he is pretty confident that she will draw up a will leaving everything to the grandkids and go against everything his dad wanted.  It doesn't help that favorite grandkid is pregnant.  They had a get together the weekend I flew back from Florida but Dennis said he had no desire to go.  I think he reached his breaking point after the big storm we had on Father's Day.  I went over and helped clean up and fix the fence panel that blew down.  Not one of the grandkids or siblings even asked if she needed help.  As an added bonus, while we were cleaning up his sister and her adult kids and his brother and his adult kid all went to the Bahamas.  They do an annual vacation and have never asked us to join them.  I know it hurts his feelings.  His niece still does my hair but since she is the one that is pregnant I think I will probably try to change stylists.  She sold her salon and is going to start working at a salon paying booth rent. The new place is over by my office so it's on the other side of town from where I live.  It is so hard for me and my big mouth to not just go off on how they treat Dennis (I really don't give a shit about being left out of things, one less thing for me to make excuses to get out of) and how they don't help out with MIL.  

The weather is finally supposed to turn fall like this week.  I am so excited for hoodie weather.  I really thought about taking a day off and going to the fair but I really don't need to spend the money this close to vacation.  I haven't been to the fair in several years and I am sure there are lots of new fair food I would need to try.  Best to save my money for NEXT WEEK 😮8 days until I leave for NYC!!!

I leave you with a picture of Mango hiding out in a grocery bag.  Dennis told me he brought something back from the store for me.  Me being the gullible idiot I am thought he really did bring me something and Mango Monkey jumped out and scared me.  He thought that was pretty funny so he hid in the sack and jumped out every time I walked by.  It's a good thing he is cute because he is a whole mess.