My ADD is out of control this week.  I have a list of the things I HAVE to get done this week but I just can't seem to get my focus together.  I just feel that low frequency hum in my brain if that makes any sense.  I did take a beta blocker in hopes that maybe at least it might help kind of calm me down a little so my what focus I do have isn't internal.  

My mom is doing better.  We went to a satellite location in the burbs and it was so much better than going to the main.  If they thought it was an actual stroke I am sure they would have sent her to the main hospital but I really didn't think it was that serious based off of the FAST protocol.  They did the CT and contrast CT. and decided it was a lingering ear infection and referred her to an ENT.  She actually got in to see the PA on Tuesday.  She had some was build up that they took care of and said that her, as she puts it, a dizzy headed problem was from the first stroke she had a few years ago and that she needed PT.  We were in and out of the hospital in less than 5 hours.  If we had gone to the main hospital we would have still been waiting in the waiting room.  I used that to get out of going over to her house on Saturday.

I had a meeting with the local DVIS (domestic violence intervention service) yesterday to see about volunteering as an SA hospital advocate.  The meeting was at 1:30 and I didn't get out of there until almost 3.  It was a pretty good meeting in that I wasn't stressed or nervous at all.  The lady I spoke to seemed pretty excited to have me there.  Their volunteer crew is very slim post 'Rona so they are really trying to ramp back up.  She asked me if I would be interested in being on the facilitator team and possibly the speakers board.  I told her I would consider it based on what they provided since I am definitely not  a professional.  I would be working more on the SA side and less on the DV side, which is what I wanted.  Even though I did the Army training there is still mandatory training through the AGs office, which I had figured.  However, the CE credits from NOVA should carry over and I won't have to do a lot of double dipping for CE credits.  I did get my certification approved and for $40 you can register to the civilian side as well as the military so I will be doing that.  I have the email but I haven't received anything in the mail yet.  At least I am not concerned there will be a fluke hit on a background check since I cleared the other one.  Unfortunately they still have to run all of that again, but again, I expected that.   I did tell them I would donate back the money it cost to run the check.  

I don't remember if I mentioned my friend L's issues with her in-laws last week.  Her husband's sister stole almost $200K from their mom in less than 6 months and some very diligent bank worker noticed it and turned it in.  The sister, her common law husband and their 19 year old son all went to jail.  The in-laws live here and my friend lives in the DFW area so they really didn't know it was going on.  A neighbor called them and told them the police were there and they called around and found out.  It is a huge mess.  The mom has 3 houses, the one her, the sister, and her 13 year old daughter stayed in, a house across the street that the sister and her daughter had been living in until the mom had a stroke and needed full time care, and the grandmother's house that the 19 year old son was living in.  They are all shit holes.  The house they were living in is not really habitable.  The mom slept in a recliner and the other two slept on air mattresses in what was the dining room and den.  The ceiling in the bedrooms was falling in and the floor was falling in on the bathroom.  I am not sure how they think they are going to use the defense that they used the money to take care of the mom when the house was in that kind of shape.  Anyway, my friend has two boys, one that will start college in the fall and another that will be 16 soon.  Most of my friends had kids later in life so she is my age and was ready to get them out of the house and take a job with a non-profit or something and live the good life.  Well the 13 year old girl had no one to take her so they came in to talk to an attorney about guardianship and getting her moved to TX.  The girl didn't want to go, L didn't want to take her and it was chaos.  L ended up calling me Monday night as I was on my way to dance in full on panic attack mode.  I met up with her and we talked until about midnight.  I told her that giving custody of the kid to the state wan not something to be ashamed of and if that was the decision she went that was fine, her and her family needs to come first.  She told me that while I was on my way the sister called from jail and her husband was talking to her.  The kid was at a friends house and L said she just unleashed on her about how she had ruined everyone's lives and pretty much everything she thought about her and the situation.  She wasn't on the phone with her but her husband said that instead of taking an ounce of ownership she just said that she was innocent and that L was being a bitch about it.  Whatever she said lit a fire under sister and she used what little resources she had left to find other arrangements for the daughter to 'punish' them.  When L found out she was so elated.  The situation sucks.  I know it isn't the kids fault but it isn't L's fault either and they have a 3 bedroom house with no room for another kid and the youngest boy was legit scared of what the sister might do to terrorize them while she was in jail and what would happen when she got out.  The mother is being moved into a nursing home in DFW where they can watch out for her.  I can't even imagine how stressed she was.  

OK I really have to get something done.  I am going to be in a meeting in Branson MO next week with BFF Brooke so I know I won't be working in my room after hours.  If I can get the top three items off of my to do list this week I will be happy.  Wish me luck. 

Nothing goes as planned

 Sitting in the ER with my mom.  She was really dizzy and said she almost fell a few times, so I took her just to be safe.  I thought I was going to have to throw hands with the nurse.  They were trying to place the IV and my mom has tiny veins.  As they were digging she said ouch and the nurse said “that isn’t helping us”. She did it twice so I told them to get someone else because them telling her she isn’t helping is making it works.  They said well you tense up when you do that.  Like she isn’t tensing up anyway.  I don’t think the nurse particularly cared for that but god damn.

I was supposed to get my hair done but I guess that isn’t happening.  Now I can’t get in until May 10.  I will have to go in and have the extensions either taken out or moved up.  I was really looking forward to hair love.  

Last night I went to the ballet with my sister.  Tchaikovsky, the man behind the music.  It was really good.  I didn’t know anything about his life but apparently he was gay and in love with a violinist but couldn’t act on it.  Some ballets are just so abstract that you don’t know what the point is behind the movements but this story was done so beautifully and purposefully.  

Monday through Wednesday afternoon was our annual ranger workshop.  It was my first time to have to coordinate it and I think it went well.  They put us in a lodge in a state park about 30 minutes from the closest place to eat.  I had the ‘brilliant’ idea of buying stuff for a cookout and making the bosses grill.  I will never do that again.  We had close to 95 people and I charged them $6 each to reimburse me for the food I bought.  I was a nervous wreck trying to coordinate the workshop and the food.  It was cold and rainy so that didn’t help, but they found a dry spot to cook and we had plenty of room to set up and eat.  After hours they set up some corn hole boards and had a tournament.  As much as I hated being so remote, we had no choice but to socialize or sit in your room for the most part. I found out pretty fast that I can no longer hang with the 25 year olds.  They got pretty tanked Monday and Tuesday.  I made it until midnight before I had to retire to my room.  The beds were horrible and the blankets were so thin I really wanted to just go home.  But, it was good to hangout with the rangers and get to know them better.  I remember the days when I would have been right in the middle of it.  I had one vodka and sprite and decided I am too old for that.  We also had pepper spray training where they sprayed some of the new rangers to be able to carry it.  Part of that is them getting sprayed.  It was kinda brutal to watch. I thought they were going to have to get EMS for one but she ended up recovering, but it took her awhile.  

OK, the doctor is here so I guess I better pay attention.

Back to the old blogger

 Well, looks like blogger is the best blogging option for me.  Wordpress requires a download and that means I couldn't use my work computer when I am out of town.  I don't want to have to deal with that so, here we are.

Weight this morning was 114.  That is 2 pounds from the goal I set back in 2008.  I am really not trying to lose at this point but stress and so forth are doing it's thing.  I really need to find a new therapist.  My old one was a very Mr. Rodgers kind of guy and I don't need that kind of coddling at this point.  Why is it so hard to find someone.  I look at the websites and if there isn't a picture I judge, if there is a picture I try to envision myself talking to them for hours and nope out on that.  

Work is better.  I had a little breakdown a few weeks ago and pretty much told AP (almost) everything I thought about her.  I went off on her lack of sympathy with FIL's passing and her general lack of empathy on the fact that I am diagnosed ADD and don't see things the same way that she does. The thing that had the most impact was telling her she was not a supervisor.  She tried to tell me that she had some of the duties delegated and I let her know that is one duty that you can't delegate.  You can give her the ability to review travel, leave requests, time management, but she CANNOT supervise anyone unless they rewrite her job description and it would have to be advertised.  We ended up talking for an hour and a half and I walked out of there like a boulder had been lifted.  Since then she has become my new bff 🙄   She has approved several things that I have requested, including a few training/conference trips.  I know she would have turned down the victim advocacy conference in August before we had that talk.  It is in NOLA in August.  I am not sure who would ever choose to go there in swamp season but they see that as a luxury destination so most requests for NOLA are denied.  I am also getting a portable external monitor and privacy screens for my desk.  It is kind of odd.  

Next week I have a workshop for the ranger's that I am coordinating.  I am so ready for it to be over.  Between that and another project I have been working on I haven't had much of a break.  I have kind of enjoyed being busy.  I kind of miss the chaos I had when I worked in RE, being so busy I didn't have time to think.  It really keeps me focused and I kind of thrive on deadlines.

My mom adopted another dog.  

His name is Gusty and he is pretty much just a 2 pound ball of fluff.  He does nothing but lay there.  I am not a small dog person so a 2 pound dog is pretty much useless to me.  But, he makes my mom happy and she really seems to be so wrapped up in him that she doesn't call me like she used to and has opted to stay home last Saturday instead of going out.  She found the dog through a lady my sister knows that does chihuahua rescue who feeds her full of bullshit.  She once tried to debate me that chihuahuas were one of the top euthanized dog breed at shelters.  I don't know why I even try.  My mom was told this dog is 2.  Again the dog is pretty useless and doesn't act like a puppy so I asked my vet friend to see him.  Sure enough, the dog is between 8-10.  The lady didn't have him neutered because he was "too small" and they didn't update his rabies booster because "they don't dose based on weight and he would get the same dose as a lab".  Dr. S rolled her eyes so hard I think she saw her ancestors.  The dogs teeth are rotten, he has an enlarged prostate, age related issues with his eyes, and very elevated protein values in his kidneys.  My mom called to tell my sister this and my sister responded with "she wouldn't trust that vet".  I mean....really?  My mom knows the truth and we are trying to get his kidney values down so we can do the dental and get him neutered.  My sister needs a throat punch.

My kids are doing great.  The tattoo I got of the cats is amazing and I can't stop looking at it.  I am so impressed with her work.  I am also addicted to it now and am trying to come up with something to put on my ribs.

The canines are spoiled as ever

Went to see Hamilton (3rd time) on Sunday with HMF

It wasn't the best performance I've seen, but it's hard to beat the Chicago show.  One of my college roommates wanted to go and couldn't find anyone to go with so I am going with her on Saturday to see it again.  I have kind of decided I just need to bite the bullet and so see it on Broadway.  I have never been to NYC, have no sense of direction and the thought of going alone scares me so I probably need to do it.  I have enough Hilton points that I could pay for 3 nights.  Tickets are comparable to  what they cost here.  Something I am seriously contemplating.  

OK, I need to get busy.  RIP CK, you suck.