OMG today is fiesta day at work. I have eaten so much I am probably going to be sick and it isn't even 10:00 Two words, sopapilla cheesecake I guess this will make up for me not being hungry all week.


I am supposed to work 6 hours tomorrow but I am really tempted to just stay really late tonight. No need in ruining my entire weekend by having to be in this hell hole. So far nothing major has happened today but the day is young. We are all waiting for crazy to walk into the conference room where the food is and clear out the room. Yesterday she caused so much drama we had an email from our Cheif Counsel telling us not to discuss anything, yeah right.

I need to do a 5 mile run this weekend, not sure if I am going to do it Saturday or Sunday. Probably Saturday to get it over with. There is a food truck festival this weekend at the Tulsa Air and Space Museum. We have never been to the museum and I have never eaten off of a real food truck so I am really excited about it. We will probably go Sunday so I need to get some miles worked in Saturday before I eat like a pig again.

Today is the last day of our FY!! I thought this day would never come!! All or our labor funds expire so no more overtime for awhile!! I can live like a normal person with normal hours

Ok I gotta get busy and make sure I get out all the stuff I promised out by the end of the FY. I still have a few hours

TTT - Friday eve

1.  I totally didn't want to run yesterday.  It was hot and humid.  The work friend I run with had to rush home to a sick baby so I thought I had an out.  Turns out the nanny overreacted, baby was fine and she came back just so we could run.  It really wasn't bad.  We got our 3.1 in.  My times aren't really that much off from last year.  I will always be the runner at the end picking up the cones but hey, I am out there and usually having fun.

2.  Work friend signed up for a 5K run at the zoo next month.  There is also a 10K and I really would like to do it.  I am just not sure if I am mentally prepared to be last or close to it.  It is way to early in my running season to feel defeated.

3.  My eating has been shit this week.  Stress is not kind on my band.  I hope things calm down soon, you can cut the tension with a knife in our office.

4.  We had an investigator come in yesterday and question everyone separately about what happened at work.  I really hope they can fix the problem (fire the crazy lady) but I am not holding by breath.  I told the investigator that I resent the heck out of this lady for putting everyone through all for this for something that didn't even happen.

5.  I have to work Saturday.  It should be my last for awhile.  I am so looking forward to having weekends again.

6.  I broke down and bought a new Coach purse and wallet from the outlet online yesterday.  I am pretty sure shopping has replaced food for my go to comfort in times of stress.  My shopping nazi friend will not know about this.  Shopping hiatus be damned, I am working a butt load of overtime.

7.  The fair starts today.  I have decided I am not going this year.  The only reason I normally go is for the sugar art show that was started by Kerry Vincent of Food Network, an Okie by choice I might add.  The cakes are amazing.  But since I have to work I am just not going to mess with it.  Fried Oreos be damned.
 
8.  This is a sample of what I will miss at the sugar arts show

amazing!!

9.  I'm really jealous of everyone going to Chicago.  I am probably the only person in the history of meet-ups that has arranged to have myself uninvited to any future meet-up events.  :-)

10.  Tonight is hair night!!  I really want to dye my hair bright red again.  Dennis hates it that bright but he broke his part of the agreement to stay clean shaven if I keep my hair a normal hair color.  I love hair night.

new low

So my weight yesterday was 110.  I am 100% positive this is coming from the stress that the crazy lady at work is causing.  Everyone, including me, is afraid to be in a room alone with her.  I won't even go to the restroom on our floor, I go to the one on the floor below ours.  Apparently we will all get to visit with a JAG officer this week for additional interviews.

Add this to our end of year stuff and I am a stress ball.

So funny that before lap band I would have tried to eat my way out of this.  I actually went to Sonic and ordered cheese tater tots for breakfast.  I got to work, took a bite and thought I was going to get sick.  I gave them away.  Sometimes I think the simple act of ordering junk food is therapeutic.

Going for a run with my co-worker after work if it isn't storming.  I really need some physical activity.  I blew off yesterdays run because it was 100 degrees.  I don't do hot.

OK, gotta get to work and shake this mood.

Weekend is over :(

I was totally unmotivated to run this weekend, but I made myself do it.  Once I got out there I had a great time and a great run.  I did 6.75 miles in something like an hour and twenty some odd mintues (moving time according to my Garmin).

I also bought two new running bras in a band size and two cup sizes smaller than my last bra.  This is totally not included in the shopping hiatus, I could have hurt myself!!  I have a few barely if ever warn 34 D Moving Comfort running bras if anyone is interested.

I enjoyed my drama free weekend.  I am not sure if the crazy lady is at work today but I am certainly not going to seek her out.  I feel so sorry for the girl that sits across from her.

Not much else going on.  Watched a butt load of tv, finished up season one of Homeland and looking forward to the new season of it and Dexter starting up Sunday!! 

Wow

Apparently I have become some kind of drama magnet over the past week. Lord have mercy don't let it spill over into next week!

Ten Things Thursday!!!

Apparently I offended some people with one of my ten things.  Wow, didn't mean to hurt any ones feelings.  It was totally meant as a sarcastic remark but I guess sarcasm doesn't translate well. 

1.  The most important thing, I am wearing a really cute dress and an even cuter pair of shoes I bought at ReStyled two weeks ago.  I seriously can't walk through the office without getting a comment on them.

2.  The last two days at work have been twilight zone strange.  We have a crazy lady that works for us that files complaint on everyone that looks at her wrong.  She filed on the wrong person and there ended up being an altercation in the office yesterday.  I probably can't go into too many details but I heard a lot of what happened and spent a lot of time writing up statements and in interviews.  Crazy lady claims there was a physical altercation that also took place, which I highly doubt because I would have heard it.  A police report was filed, a visit to the emergency room....it was nuts.  

3.  After the drama yesterday I met HMF for dinner.  I haven't seen her in probably 2 months.  We had a really good time.  I had a peach margarita that was needed really badly.

4.  The stress from yesterday is also messing with my band.  We went out to eat for lunch yesterday.  I got a cup of soup and you couldn't tell I had touched it.  Then last night I got a kids chicken strip meal and ate one chicken strip and thought I was going to get sick on that.  I have to really watch my blood sugar today because the day after a light eating day is usually when I have low blood sugar issues.

5.  After my shopping spree two weeks ago at the ReStyled event I put myself on a self imposed shopping hiatus.  I asked my work friend if make-up would be considered "shopping" she said yes.  I highly disagree. I am replacing make-up I use/run out of then it is like soap, or deodorant.  Today they got on to me for getting some Mary Kay concealer from a co-worker.  Seriously, they are like shopping Nazi's.

6.  One thing that I am going to buy under the radar of the shopping police is a new running bra!!  My girls have gotten a lot smaller since my training last year.  I have bras that are probably only worn once that are way too big for me.  I will have to go try some on and get one that fits before I start running the high mileage.

7.  Which IPhone/internet radio service do you like best?  Pandora? Slacker? Spotify?  I am tired of the first two and the last one I just can't seem to figure out how to find the songs I really like on it.  I am trying to find something that will help me build a running playlist but I'm just not feeling it.

8.  The closer it gets to the BOOBS meet-up the more I want to go.  I had originally planned on going but something about the whole secrecy of it just rubbed me wrong.  Sorry if that offends anyone.  I can get cheaper hotel rates through work but no one would tell me what hotel they were staying at until I signed on the dotted line it seemed like.  Oh well, maybe I will go next year and just stay at a hotel downtown and meet up with everyone at the super secret hotel meeting place, if I can find it that is.

9.  HMF and I talked a lot about next years Austin 1020 last night.  We are already excited about it.  I am going to look up the hotel we stayed at last year and see if we can get reservations again.  It was the perfect location.  How sad is it that I am already counting down the days until April 14th.  I feel like a little kid counting down the days until Christmas.

10.  I think I am going to get to work from home Saturday!!  It will be so nice to have 2 whole days away from this hell hole!!

all work and no play

I should be working, like seriously working on deadlines that have already passed.  Yet I have no motivation to get it done AT.ALL. 

I had a really bad low blood sugar incident yesterday.  I was at lunch and had dropped a dress of at the dry cleaners when I started to sweat and shake really bad.  I wish I had a blood meter since my blood sugar is low anyway.  I went to the closest fast food place and ordered a kids meal and a root beer.  I ate it all.  I know this is because I didn't eat right over the weekend, weekends are always hard for me.  I need routine. 

My plan for today is to take my new running shoes back to Fleet Feet at lunch and hope they will change them out with a different pair.  I am running 3 miles tonight after work.  I did bring my old shoes as a back up, just in case. 

So I have nothing at all to say, just didn't want to work.  I really need some time off.

damn blisters

So remember those stupid new running shoes I had to have a few weeks back?  Well I hate them.  I have worn them twice and I have gotten blisters on the instep of both my feet both times.  I am going to take them back to the running store and see if they will do something about it.  Since I have worn them I am not sure what they can do.  They did push these shoes on me.

I worked 6 hours on Saturday but I wore my running clothes to work so I had no excuse but to run afterwards.  My plan was 6 miles but I only got in about 5 1/2 because my feet hurt so bad.  I hate blisters!! 

Eating has been OK.  Not much of an appetite.  Mostly snacking, not really wanting to eat a meal.  Sometimes it just seems like too much trouble when you know you will only be eatting a few bites.

I broke down and weighed this morning, even though I swore I wouldn't weigh until the first of the month.  I am still at 112. 

Dennis and I got into another discussion about my weight over the weekend.  We were watching Homeland on Showtime and they described a girl as being 5'5" and 110 pounds.  I told Dennis that the girl they were talkind about is 2 inches taller than me and a weighs less than I do yet he tells me I am too skinny.  He told me he didn't care what they were saying on TV, I am too skinny.  I think he is just used to me being about 180 pounds and isn't used to me at my current size.  I am healthy, not sure what he is seeing.

opposite extreme

I fully believe that as an obese person I had an eating disorder, I still do and will struggle with that the rest of my life.  My favorite quote "If you have ever been fat you will either be fat for the rest of your life or worry about getting fat again for the rest of your life." 

I still make poor choices at times and have times when I overeat, and always will.

 I have noticed that I am obsessed more then ever with the number on the scale.

I have reached my goal.  I am happy with my weight and my size.  Not so happy with my shape but I am the only one who can fix that (of course Dr. Akins could help, but still).  Yet I still find myself stepping on the scale every morning and holding my breath in the hopes of seeing a new all time low number.  My scale malfunctioned a few weeks ago and I saw 107 on the scale.  I knew it wasn't correct yet my heart did a flip flop from joy.  Granted this would put my BMI right on the cusp of underweight. 

Maybe I have reached the point when my scale addiction is getting a little dangerous.  I am taking a break from the scale.  My clothes fit great if not a little loose.  My jewelry fits.  That is going to be my gage for the rest of the month. 

I am holding steady so I don't want to have fluid removed from my band.  This is totally an issue I am going to have to work through mentally.

TTT drive by style

1.  Work is insane I tell you.  I worked until 7:30 last night and will probably continue to be that way until the new FY has been set up mid-October.  This is why I have been absent on the blog and on comments.  I am sorry, it is kind of hit and miss right now.

2.  Have had a horrible ear infection for 2 weeks.  Went to the ENT Monday and had about an ounce of "old blood and mucous" sucked out of me ear.  It is starting to feel better now but my hearing isn't back to normal yet and I am still getting dizzy spells.

3.  I am pretty sure I am set in my weight between 111 and 114.  I have been here for over a month.  I am happy with it.

4.  I ran for the first time in a while on Tuesday.  It was horrible.  I don't do well in the heat thanks to my heart condition.  The ear infection didn't help.  I only did 1.9 miles at a 15 minute pace.  My first run is the end of October, a 15K.  I think I will be able fine since I am not a beginner, just coming back from an extended break but I am a little worried none the less.

5.  I can't blow my nose because my eardrum is ruptured from the ear infection.  I have never needed to blow my nose so bad in my life.  Just tell me I can't do something and I have never wanted to do it more.

6.  The weather is supposed to cool down today!!

7.  I am in a mood and I can't find a single station I like on Pandora or Slacker.

8.  I wish they would stop threatening to shut the Government down and just do it for a few days.  As a federal employee, I could use the rest!

9.  I have to work Saturday, again.  :(

10.  Tomorrow is food Friday at work.  The theme is pirates.  WTF kind of theme is that?  What kind of food is that?  I am just going to go to Long John Silvers and get a family pack.  I can't wait for September to be over.  These junk food Fridays just might kill me.

new shoes and adventures of the passive aggresive mother

I got tired of sitting around my house last night and decided I couldn’t wait until Thursday to get new running shoes. So, Dennis went to a geek meeting and I went shoe shopping!!




I ended up with a pair of Mizuno Wave Alchemy 12 running shoes. They are some serious motion control shoes but still pretty light. The guy at the store had me try on a few different types and run around the block (which was interesting with my ear infection and resulting vertigo). I fell in love with a pair of Brooks that were red silver and blue so I figured they wouldn’t be the best fit. They weren’t. I probably won’t run in them until Saturday but at least I feel prepared.



They also had two XS running skirt capri skirts half off. One was black plaid; the other was baby blue plaid. They were both so freaking cute and I couldn’t decide which one I liked more, so I bought them both. Top that off with a new pair of running socks and my overtime check is spent before I got it.



I am, however, very ready to try everything out and get to running!! Cooler weather coming our way by the end of the week.



My ear is still effed up. Everything is super muffled and I am still kind of dizzy. I called the ENT this morning and they set me up an appointment for Monday. I figure if it is better I can cancel but if it still not better by Monday than I need to see the specialist.



OK so here is where you want to stop reading unless you want to read my worse daughter of the year award nomination essay. I should be so ashamed of myself since my mom is going through chemo and all but I seriously think she uses it as an excuse to make more drama.



I got a text message from my cousin Heather(who is staying with my parents) saying that my dad is being really mean to my mom and that someone needs to talk to him about it. Apparently my mom told Heather that he’s mad at her because she is sick and is just taking everything out on her.



Well, like Dr. Phil says, a pancake is flat but it still has two sides. I told Heather that my mom does bring a lot of this stuff on herself because she expects my dad to read her mind; for example a past conversation went something like this



Mom: well your dad just fixed himself something to eat and didn't fix me anything

Me: did you tell him you were hungry?

Mom: no

Me: well maybe you should tell him and he can give you what he fixed and make another one for himself

Mom: I don’t want a grilled cheese.



another one

Me: do you need anything?

Mom: no your dad went to McDonald's and got me a fish sandwich

Me: good, you need to tell him if you are hungry and what you want him to fix or go get you

Mom: well it wasn't any good, the bun was gross



Also, before she even started chemo I took her out and we got massages and pedicures and lunch and stuff. I asked her to meet me halfway because we live about 35 minutes apart. She said that she doesn’t drive (which was a new development) and that she would have to see where dad would drop her off. I asked her why in the hell she stopped driving and she said that dad could take her where she wants to go (but complains when he won’t go to the places she wants to go). None of it makes sense to me. I did tell her that I love Dennis to death but I would kill him if I had to rely on him for EVERYTHING. She just kind of smirked like she was happy to have a personal chauffeur.



I sent Heather a message back and told her that mom brings a lot of it on herself, for example, my mom is diabetic but she wants someone to take her to Sonic every night for half price shakes. My dad tells her no and someone needs to since she can’t seem to develop any self control. She has gained 10 pounds since she had her surgery.



Heather also told me that dad won’t let mom sleep when I know that in reality my dad won’t let my mom sleep until noon. But of course my mom will spin this to make it sound worse than it is.



I finally just told my cousin, look, they have been married for almost 50 years and they treat each other the way the other one allows them and has allowed them to for years. You aren’t going to change that dynamic now.



I do feel bad for my mom. I know she is having some mood swings because of the chemo and feeling sorry for herself. I would love to take her out and do something but if you listen to her, they live below poverty level with barely enough money to pay for her $45 every three week treatments. However, they have a huge RV in the driveway, a giant flat screen LCD television and an inground pool.



Last year my dad was having problems with his teeth. My little sister and I were going to pay for the dentist to do whatever it took to make it better. The day we met them to tell them what our plan was they announced they were going on a two week trip to the Tetons.



It gets really old inviting my mom out to go to a movie and her response is “we can’t afford it”. I have just stopped asking her to do things and when she asks about it later telling her that I didn’t think she would have the money anyway.



Yes I am a horrible daughter, but there is only so much melodramatic passive aggressive bs I can take.



Since I wrote this I will probably take my mom out after my overtime assignment wraps up.

I do feel better though.

back to the grind

My weight is back down to 112.8, which is kind of where I like it.  Not sure what it is about 114 that makes me nervous; too close to 115 maybe?  The incessant hunger I felt last week is gone and I am back to feeling my "normal" restriction.

The holiday weekend was pretty anticlimactic for me.  Big plans but they all kind of fell through for one reason or the other.  Well mostly one reason but I will get to that in a minute.

I really need to find my exercise mojo again.  I haven't workout once since I have started working a gajillion overtime hours.  Even though my weight is in check, I still feel soft and ick.  My plan was to start running again this week but it just didn't work out that way.

Which brings me to the reason my weekend was a wash.  I have had something wrong with my ear for over a week now.  I went to the walk in clinic last week and they told me it was just drainage from allergies, gave me a shot to clear up the drainage and sent me on my way.  Well the shot did work on my allergies but my ear ache never really went away.  By Sunday afternoon I had enough and decided I was going to google home remedies and try anything that sounded plausable.  Long story short, whatever I did finally irritated my ear enough that the eardrumb ruputred.  Dennis looked up and me and ever so calmly suggested that I go to urgent care before they closed.  I actually had blood draining from my ear!!  My equalibrium is all jacked up so I will not be running for a few days.  I also can't hear shit out of my left ear and it is driving me nuts. 

It is 106 outside again so even if my ear wasn't jacked I wouldn't have ran, but I can't do the pool either cause I can't get my ear wet.  So I have an excuse for that. 

Supposedly it is supposed to cool down later this week.  I get paid Thurday and get some extra money from all this OT.  I am going to buy a new pair of running shoes since my old ones are giving me blisters.  I am going to take them in and let them look at the wear pattern and see if they suggest a new type of shoe.  I have ran probably 150-200 miles in them so there should be enough of a wear pattern for them to figure it out.  I hate that I have to get new shoes, I should have at least 300 more miles on the ones I have.  Maybe I can go by at lunch on Thursday so I can run after work.  I am going to meet my running buddy from work Saturday morning to run before we start our OT hours.  Is is sad that I am so excited over new shoes?