TTT at the beach

1.  So technically I am at the beach but the closest I get to it is out of my office window :(,  Working 6am to 6pm kinda sucks and we are way to tired to do anything but eat and go to bed when we are finished for the day.  At least I can sit at "my desk" and watch dolphins play in the Gulf, you can't not smile watching that even if you are exhausted

This is my view, beats the view from my desk in Tulsa!!

2.  I came here with a resolve to eat better and did really well the first morning.  I went to the store on the way in and bought a protein bar and a small container of milk.  As I walked into the building for the first freaking time eating the said protein bar, I freaking BROKE A TOOTH.  How can that even happen?  I just got my implant finished and had x-rays last week!!!  This tooth is the bottom last molar on the same side as my implant.  The back 3/4 of the enamel part of my tooth just broke right off.  I should have freaking gotten a donut.  I am so pissed.  I am the kind of person that can't stand it if a fingernail breaks and is kind of jagged so you can only imagine how much this is aggrevating me.  Yeah I could go to the dentist down here but I really don't want to take off while I am down here doing work for them and the time is limited.  It doesn't really look good and I would lose out on some OT pay.

I called my dentist on Tuesday and told them what happened.  I told them that I can't really take off a lot right now since the furrloughs are going to start next month and I will have to work OT as much as I can.  You can't take leave and work OT in the same week so that is an issue.  I asked them to get me in for their earliest late appointment available, thinking they would get me in at 5.  Nope 2:30 on Tuesday.  There is no way I am going to be able to live with this until then.  I asked the receptionist if they knew of anyone open on Saturday or an emergency dentist, they told me nope not unless you go to one of the corporate dentists like Dental Depot or Aspen Dental but they are, and I quote "right out of school and don't have much experience.  And they work on volume."  Seriously?  I have been going to this dentist for years and they aren't even willing to make a few calls and find someone to help me if they couldn't?  I think I may have to change dentists.  I made an appointment with Dental Depot for 9:00 on Saturday but I may call the oral surgeon that did my implant and see if he knows of someone who could help me.  The more I think about the response I got from my dentist the more pissed off I get.

3.  Food has been ok.  I have been eating pretty much what I want, but it isn't as bad as what it would have been when I was home.  I went to Sam's to get a box of skinny cow bars for my trip and got a box of 2 dozen sugar cookies.  I ate probably a dozen of them on the Monday I left.  The only cookie I have eaten since I have been here came with my kids meal from my favorite burger place in the entire world. 

4.  I am so excited that I get to pack when I go back to the hotel tonight!!  I am ready to go home.  I am so freaking tired of waking up at 4:45.  As a matter of fact I turned my alarm off this morning and slept until 6.  Cassie, a co-worker that I am traveling with called and asked me if I was almost ready.  I got dressed in record time and put my make-up on in the car.  I have been wearing my hair curly because it is so humid.  No way I would have been able to straighten it this morning!!  I feel really bad but we can take a 30 minute lunch and leave at the same time.  No one here really cares.  They have a strong union presence and can pretty much get away with anything when it comes to work hours.  If they get their 80 hours in during the two week pay period they just don't have to come in on Friday.  They can also work up to 24 credit hours each pay period.  I am not sure how that works but they never have to take their leave and can take these month long vacations.  No wonder we are here doing the work they can't get done.

5.  Even though I have gained 20 pounds in the month that I have been an emotional wreck, the Chief here hasn't seen me in a few years and made a comment about how skinny I am.  Isn't that funny?  What gets me is when we worked together on the border fence in 2008 I was a size 10, working out everyday and just starting my running program, doing C25K on a treadmill.  I ate clean and felt great.  Right now I am feeling my body with junk to deal with my emotional breakdown, wear a size 4 (I might be able to get into some size 2s but I am afraid to try) and feel like shit.  I hope that is the motivation I need to get my crap in grear.

6.  I have broken down and drank soda.  I am so tired that I need the caffine.  I don't have any fill yet so I don't think it is a problem in that respect.  I know drinking calories are a huge nono but I am desperate right now.  I just hope that the few that I have drank doesn't get me addicted to caffiene again. 

7.  I finally get a fill on Monday!!!  Time to get serious about the weight loss.  This will force me to make better food choices, or at least limit the amount of crap I can eat.  I am so ready to feel restriction again.  He took out 5.4 cc's  I wonder how much he will put back in?  I know he won't put that much in.

8.  I am going to see another counselor next week.  This one is an actual counselor not a social worker and she is a certified pet bereavement counselor as well.  The last grief counslor I went to was so freaking worthless I came really close to refusing to pay as I left.  I was so mad.

9.  It is almost lunch time!!!  It isn't so much about eating lunch, it is just about getting away from the files and computer for a small break in the long day.

10.  There are a lot of things going on this weekend that I would love to be a part of.  A 5K for the Moore area tornado recovery, the fat guys burger 5K which finishes at the ballpark of our minor league baseball team complete with burgers from fat guys (yummo).  HMF is having a birthday party for her new live in boyfriend, which has turned her into absent friend, complete with meat from the smoker he got for his birthday.  There is a midsummer nights dream thing from the studio that teaches ariel ballet downtown and the mud run.  I probably will not do any of it since I have to go to the dentist that morning and I kind of just want to spend time with my dogs when I get home.  I miss them when I am away.

10a.  I got my hair done before I left. 

You probably can't see it very well since the sun is behind me.  The turquise is amazing.  I can cover it or I can fix it to were the colors show through.  When I wear it curly there is no hiding it but I don't really care.  If I wanted to hide it I wouldn't have had it done.  I have gotten so many complements on it.  I love it.

Thursday

I will attempt to do this TTT style, not sure if I have that many things to talk about....

1.  I am trying really hard to get my eating under control.  It is so hard to do without any fill in my band and the emotional roller coaster that my life has been.

2.  I get to see Dr. A June 3 to get re-filled, thank god.  I am seriously glad I didn't get rid of all my size 4's because the size 2 stuff ain't so comfortable right now.

3.  I am getting tired of people on the national news acting like people from Oklahoma are idiots because we don't all have basements or safe rooms.  Like we don't have sense to come in out of the rain.  Safe rooms are not cheap and trying to retrofit one to an older house is a nightmare.  The chances of getting hit by a tornado is not much more than the chances of being struck by lightening (unless you live in Moore, OK) and to pay 6K for something you may never have to use is out of the budget for most of us.  As far as basements go, the water table in OK is very high and we have clay soil.  The combination causes foundations to crack and if you have a basement it will eventually leak.  Nothing like having an inch of water in the basement.  Sorry I didn't mean to go off. 

4.  I spent all day Tuesday calling around looking for office space to house an emergency operations center in case we get deployed.  There are a lot of generous people out there that are willing to let emergency centers use space for no or very low cost.  Right now the state is doing most of the recovery services (because of our stupid state senators who continuously vote to reduce FEMA funding even though OK is like 3rd in the nation for disasters that qualify...again, sorry).  I hope they do ask us to help out so I can get the opportunity to do something.  Not to mention we could probably do the work cheaper and more efficiently since we do this all the time.

5.  I finally got a tooth!!  I can't stand it.  I got used to having a screw in my gums and a hole there.  The tooth is big and bulky and just feels really strange.  It will take some getting used to.

6.  I am leaving Monday for Galveston to work.  We are going to be working 12 hour days.  I love Galveston but it doesn't sound like I will be able to enjoy it much.  I am kind of irritated that I have to travel on the holiday, even though we aren't leaving until 6pm.  I will be home on Friday at midnight.  For some reason I am not looking forward so much to Memorial Day or the trip to Galveston.  It will be good for me to get away.

7.  I still miss Dexter so much.  I cry everyday when I go home from work and he isn't there to bark at me, and he passed away shortly after I got home from work.  Being gone next week will help.

8.  On that same note I haven't been sleeping well without my little cuddle buddy.  Last night I made Foster cuddle with me.  She isn't nearly as good at it as Dexter was but it did help.  I will have to break her in a little.

9.  I need to start running like a week ago but I just have no energy or ambition right now.  Next week isn't going to be any better working long days.  Normally I look forward to running on the seawall.  Maybe I will be re-energized when I get there, despite the long hours.

10.  I am going to make a pledge now that I will not longer stop at QT and get a chocolate donut and a root beer for breakfast!!  I have done this every day since Dex died.  I know eating something like that for breakfast is wrecking havoc on my blood sugar but I am having a hard time giving a crap right now.  But, I am not going to do that starting now.  I will start the day off healthy and that will make it easier to eat healthy the rest of the day.  Starting with crap just kind of puts me in a fuck it kind of mood the rest of the day. 

OK in Oklahoma

I had a few people check in with me yesterday to make sure I wasn't in the path of the horrible tornado.  Moore is about 2 hours away and by the time the storm was close to us it had fallen apart.  We are so very lucky.  We do have some offices in the area and a soldier we lease a house for, they are all ok. 

I am on the disaster relief team at work, so I will probably be deployed at some point to help out in some way.  This is by far the most rewarding part of my job.  We will have to find some place for them to set up a command center and more than likely get permission from land owners to remove the debris.

In normal news, I had a few breakdowns yesterday.  Going home is always hard, not only because my boy isn't there to bark as I come in the door but because it is the time of day that Dex died.  Today will be a week.  I really hope they send me out on some kind of tornado mission so it won't be on my mind.  Today is trash day so Dennis threw out the liver, kidney, ground steak that we were feeding him, that really hurt too. 

I broke down and weighed this morning.  I am up to 125!!!  That is not good.  I just can't seem to stop eating. I'm not hungry, just sad and probably subconciously trying to fill a void and that empty feeling I have.  I really wish I could get in for a fill earlier than June 3 but I don't have the extra $150 for it anyway. 

If the weather cooperates I will go for a run after work.  I am sure it won't be pretty.

how to move on?

I am going to try to get through this without crying, I doubt it will happen but I think it is time I start getting back in some kind of routine.

My life is in a major upheaval. I am pretty much the poster child for Murphey's Law right now. Last Sunday night the sewer backed up in my bathroom. Dennis said something about going to a hotel for the night but at that time there was no way I would leave Dexter and he was not well enough to make that kind of change. We finally got the sewer fixed over the weekend. One week without a bathroom is a little much if you ask me. It felt awesome to take a shower in my house last night though.

Eating is not good. I eat constantly. I bought two boxes of cookies over the weekend and ate one entire box by myself, I won't even start on the white chocolate M&Ms. I know this is the grief and pain from losing my little buddy but I can't keep doing this to myself!! I have an appointment with the band doctor on June 3 to get a fill. At least with fluid in the band I will have restriction and will be forces to stop eating or suffer the consequences. Dennis told me that everything happens for a reason and that if I hadn't gotten sick and hadn't had to have the fluid removed from my lap band that I wouldn't have been able to eat at all and it would have cause some serious issues.

I haven't talked to Dennis about this but I have some serious resentment towards him. I kind of blame him for Dexter passing when he did. Dex was always a nervous dog and if he was trying to protect me or wanted me to protect him, he always stood or lay by me if he was upset. Well Monday night Dennis rented some machine to clean out the sewer line. He asked me to do something and I told him no problem. Keeping in mind I have no clue how to go about cleaning out sewer lines I guess I didn't do what he wanted exactly like he wanted it done and he blew up. Dexter never left my side that night. I thought to myself then that if something happens to Dex that night I would totally blame Dennis and his temper. Of course like most men, 20 minutes later he was back to his normal self acting like nothing happened.

When I woke up on Tuesday morning Dexter was laying in bed. Normally all I had to do was say outside and he would jump up ready to go. So I snuggled with him for awhile and then said "come on, lets go outside" he didn't get up. I loved on him a little longer and had to get ready for work. He finally got up and was acting ok. I sent Dennis a text and told him that I had a bad feeling that he wouldn't make it through the day. Every morning I would wake up and tell him "today isn't the day little buddy". Instead I took him to the garage for his normal breakfast of brown rice, kidney, liver, and ground steak. He ate a little and then found some dirty clothes by the washer to lay on. That too was not normal. I sat down next to him and told him that I was very selfish and would love to have him around forever, but I know he is tired and sick and that if he needed to go he could and I would be ok without him. I will see him again someday.

I went home for lunch and took him a double cheeseburger from McD's and he ate the meat, tail wagging following me around like normal. I went back to check on him at 2:30 and he again acted almost normal. I was starting to think I was wrong, my nerves started to ease a bit.

I got home from work about 4:30, I sent Dennis a text and told him Dexter was in the backyard peeing and wagging his tail. By 4:45 he was gone. I feel so bad because he came inside and sat behind my chair like normal. I of course had to text Dennis the running commentary because we both wanted to know what was going on with him when we were gone. The next text I sent said he farted, jumped up on the couch and is panting. At first I didn't think anything about it, just being a dog. Within seconds I could tell he was having serious issues. I took a short video on my phone because I was going to send it to Dennis and tell him to meet me at the vet office. I just ended up calling Dennis and telling him to get home asap. Dennis said the last thing he heard was me screaming at Dexter to breathe. I was sitting next to him rubbing his chest. I know that was the perfect way for him to go, at home, on his couch, with me by his side scratching him.

We met someone at Companions Forever. I laid in the backseat with him. I just couldn't let go. The thought of leaving him there in cold storage was too much for me.

I picked him up on Friday and they made a clay pawprint for me. I talk to him like he is still there, which I know is crazy. I have cried everyday since I found out he was sick on May 2. I feel like I will never get through this. Then I feel like if I did go a day without crying it means I don't miss him anymore, logic has left me long ago.

Of course I am crying now.

My weight is seriously out of control. My clothes are too tight. I haven't done anything that would resemble working out since before I got sick in early April. I just don't have any energy or motivation right now. All I eat is junk food and fast food because I am too lazy to cook.

Next week I am going to Galveston for work. I love Galveston and I am hoping it will help raise my spirits a little.

goodbye sweet boy

My Dexter passed away at 4:42 yesterday.  I am not ready to go into a lot of details, but he was at home and I was right by his side rubbing on his chest.  I am so glad he was able to pass at home because the vets office always freaked him out.  I am also glad I didn't have to make the decision on putting him down.

I love this guy so much, I am in so much pain right now it feels like I will never live through it.  I know it will get easier but for now it feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

I came to work thinking it would be easier than staying home but I am sitting at my desk crying.  Today is going to be one of those one minute at a time kind of days.

I'm still alive

Just a quick check in to let you guys know I am still around. I really appreciate all of your comments. My dogs are like my kids and I feel like I am losing a part of me. It helps to know there are people who care.

Dexter is not doing well, he is getting weaker by the day. He still jumps in bed for cuddles though. He is still eating but I don't think his body is processing the food he is still losing weight. He always follows me when I go into the kitchen and sits in a corner by the pantry, last night he fell twice on the tile. I really don't have a good feeling about today. I went to a grief counselor yesterday and that was a colossal waste of time. Dennis asked me what I expected and I thought at least she would tell me to journal or give me some kind of workbook, suggest a book to read....something. A pill that would make me numb would be nice. I literally cry everyday. Heck I am crying right now.

My weight is up, yesterday I was at 118. Lots of stress eating and mindless noshing. It doesn't help that I drive through and get Dexter a double cheeseburger from McD's for lunch everyday so since I am there and all...

The results from my UGI biopsy came back clear. I am supposed to stay on the prescription strength Prilosec for 6 weeks. I can't really tell a difference, as a matter of fact I kind of stopped taking it because I didn't feel like I needed it anymore.

The band doctor told me I had to wait a month from the test to get another fill. I know I will lose the stress/grief weight once I get my fill level up. Right now the appointment is June 3rd but I am on the cancellation list.

Last but not least, the sewer at my house is messed up. It backed up into my bathroom, which was so freaking gross. Dennis pulled the toilet and ran some machine down the line last night but it didn't work. The city is going to come out today and try it from their end. In the meantime I am coming to work early and taking a shower and getting ready in the locker room. Dennis told me I should get a hotel room but I am not going to leave Dexter and he can't handle going to the hotel with me. So, we are living "wilderness" style. It reminds me of a quote from the movie UP....best movie ever...
Mr. Fredricksen? Am I supposed to dig the hole before or after? Oh, It's before....
Seriously, we have a QuickTrip about a mile away so if you really have to go there is a clean restroom close.

I do have my fingers crossed that when I get home the city will have found and fixed the problem!!!

I will leave you with some of my daily Dexter pictures I have been taking...

Sunday morning cuddles

For some reason Dennis thought it was a good idea to take a picture of us when I am bawling my eyes out.

Dennis' birthday was Friday.  I asked him what he wanted and he said he just wanted to spend time with our baby boy.




 

blogging break

I am going to take a break from blogging for awhile, not sure how long.  Right now all I can focus on is Dexter and I can't concentrate enough to put together a blog that doesn't just pretty much talk about him.  Surprisingly he is doing well, just breathing hard because of the anemia which causes his heart to beat faster.  I am not doing so well.  I have cried everyday since I found out. 

Quick weekend update....

I fed my addictions. 

Saturday I went to the food truck festival with my sister and her husband.  Lone Wolf is the most popular truck in town and the line was really long.  The toughed it out to get kimchi fries and banh mi, I went to the new pizza truck next door and got a slice of garlic pizza (Roasted garlic, garlic infused extra virgin olive oil, mozzarella and red rock salt) It was too good for words.  We also got a cookie from another truck.  I bought this shirt and cant wait to wear it!!  I love food trucks!!

I also got this shirt, since I am going to start running again.

The place with the blue shirt also had girl scout cookies, the bastards. 

After I got a good head start on my food addiction I went to the mall to feed my shopping habit.  I spent way more money than I should have.  I bought a new coach purse and wallet when I have one that I have only carried a few times.  I really need to sell some.  I also bought 3 pairs of ponte knit pants from NY&C, a cardigan to go over dresses at Anthropolgie, two pairs of shoes from AE, and a bunch of crap I didn't need from Bath and Body Works.  Now I am good and broke.

Sunday I ended up eating the entire box of girl scout cookies.  THE ENTIRE BOX.  I snacked all day long.  I know this is because of the anxiety, stress, and grief but that doesn't seem to matter to the scale.  I am up to 113.  That is 5 pounds since I got fluid removed from my band.  That night I went out to eat with a friend and to see West Side Story.  The play was alright, I just couldn't really focus on it.  I cried most of the first half for no particular reason.  The people around me must of thought I was either nuts or that I REALLY like West Side Story. 

Monday I took off work all day to get some stuff done and because I had the UGI test.  No food after midnight on Sunday and nothing at all after 9.  This would be hard to do at work. 

I took Hunter to the Eastern medicine Vet for his shot and I talked and cried to her about Dexter.  She told me that I made the right decision not doing chemo or the blood transfusions.  She gave me a powder to put on his food that is supposed to help with his blood cells and she told me to feed him "bloody organ meat".  She also said that there are some Chinese herbs that she can give him that is kind of a homeopathic type of chemo.  I am just desperate enough to try it.  If he is up to it I will probably take him in late this week.  I don't know if the meat will help him or not since he is no longer producing blood cells on his own. 

Dennis and I went to the pet crematorium and made arrangements for the inevitable.  I thought I was going to pass out.  One of the hardest things I have ever done.  I thought I wanted to get some kind of jewelry with a little bit of his ashes in it but today I am leaning more towards mixing some of his ashes into tattoo ink and getting a tattoo on my left side where he lays his head to sleep at night.

The scope went without a hitch.  We got there at 1:30 for my 2:00 appointment, I will never figure out why they do that.  I got called back right at 2 and they hit the ground running.  I didn't even have time to take my shoes off.  I was awake and ready to eat by 2:30.  The report they gave me said I had an irregular z-line (inflammation?) and that they biopsied it and would call me in about a week with results.  I haven't researched this too much because it always says it's cancer.

We stopped and ate, and boy did I eat, a full sized burger and fries.  At least I didn't eat dinner last night.

We bought liver for Dexter and I tried to cook it last night (which is why I didn't eat dinner, OMG it is so gross).  As y'all know I am not a cook but I do know that liver stinks so I tried to grill it outside.  It kept oozing through the grates of the grill, blech, I had to scrape it off and put it in a frying pan.  I have 4 more pounds to cook.  So not looking forward to that AT ALL.  Today I called around and found a butcher that has kidneys so I went by at lunch and got 5 pounds of that.  Needless to say I might not be eating dinner tonight either.

Dennis and I have worked out a schedule so that we both go by and check on Dex and feed him.  I go about 11:15 and Dennis goes about 1:30.  My dogs don't normally get to eat people food so he thinks life is pretty good right now with all the hot dogs and hamburgers and sandwiches he is getting.  Especially since his brothers and sisters aren't getting the special treatment.

I know that one of these times I will go home and find him in distress.  I am not sure what I will do at that point.  I hope I am able to do the right thing but I am not sure if I can make that life or death decision for him.  I am too selfish.  Everyday when we wake up I will reach over and snuggle him and tell him today isn't the day buddy, hang in there.

So, as you can see me blogging right now is making people want to jump out the nearest window.  I am not able to focus on anything but my boy and until my head clears up a little I just don't think I can write about it anymore.

If you want to friend me on facebook to keep up with what little bit of a boring life I do have please feel free.  I will still keep up with you guys and I will be back when the time is right.

In case this isn't bad enough, here are some pictures of skinny minny I took this weekend.

   For some reason he likes to hold my hand...or arm when we snuggle.

Mom's belly makes the best pillow

waiting for mom to come to bed.

very bad horrible day

I took my Dexter to the vet like I had planned but things didn't go like I expected. Yeah we knew he had lost a lot of weight but I thought we would get a diagnosis of diabetes or something, give him a pill or a shot and move on.  I knew things weren't going to go well when we weighed him.  He was 39 pounds.  7 weeks ago he was 51.  The vet saw him and was just kind of taken aback.  They did the blood work and the doctor said that Dex was anemic for sure because he was pale and his gums were bluish.  Sure enough his counts were very low.  Based on that and some of the red/white blood cells she said that she was pretty sure it was cancer, more specifically leukemia.   I heard her but it didn't really hit me that she was telling me my dog has cancer.  When it did hit me I had just a little bit of a meltdown.  I called Dennis and he headed straight to the vet from work.

Our options were to take Dexter to OSU vet college for diagnostic testing.  The best we could expect would be to walk out with a $2500 diagnosis and no guaranteed treatment plan.  The other option was to take him immediately for a blood transfusion; which is like putting a bandaid on a gun shot wound.  Chemo would probably be the preferred method of treatment but Dexter is on two different anxiety medication to get through a regular day.  Chemo is not a good option for him, he would be so miserable.  They could only say that it might add weeks maybe months to his life.

So we loaded him up and took him home to let him live out his remaining days.  The vet said maybe 2 weeks.

I have cried pretty much non-stop since the c-word was mentioned.  Just when I think I am all cried out a new wave of tears come.  The next few weeks are gong to be so very hard. Everyone keeps telling me that I should feel good for rescuing him and giving him a great life and about how happy he is but that doesn't break my heart any less. 

For now we are feeding him like crazy....he lost 12 pounds in 7 weeks, to see if we can at least keep his weight up.  The vet gave us signs to look for to tell us when it is time for him to go.  This is all just too much for me.  I love this little guy like he was my special needs son and it is tearing me apart that I can't help him.

Please pray that he lives out the rest of his days happy and that I am able to push away the tears and enjoy him in the days that he has left.

Not much going on TTT edition

1.  I want to start a new blogger trend and have gratuitous picture of yourself .... Wednesday?   Tuesday?  When I was in my losing phase I tried to take a picture a week so I could visually track my progress.  Looking back it is crazy to see how far I have come.

2.  I am sneaking out of work early (don't tell anyone) to take Dexter to the vet.  I noticed about a month ago he was starting to lose weight.  He is now at the point that we just can't ignore it anymore, something is wrong with my boy.  I am going to have him at the doctor a little after 4.  We describe him as being like a kid with autism.  He is very smart but any type of stimulation can push him over the edge. 

3.  Yesterday it was almost 90 degrees outside.  Today it is in the 40's and raining.  I way prefer this type of weather.  I am not sure if I will get my run in today since I have to take Dex in, but I will for sure get it in before it gets hot again.  Probably more then one!!

4.  Saturday is the food truck thingy.  I am not sure if I will go since it will be kind of chilly to stand around and eat.  A lot of food truck won't get out if it is rainy because a.  the trucks handle like crap on wet roads
b.  it's not worth the time and effort because they don't get the customers in. 

5.  I am in the mood to shop.  I bought a pair of pants at Marshalls awhile back that were pull on ponte knit pants.  At first I was afraid they would look like old lady pants but OMG I LOVE THEM!!  I am on a mission to find more.  They are the most comfortable pants in the universe.  I found some at NY & CO but the customer service was so horrible I just set them down and left.  I thought I could get them online but they only have L and XL, crap.

6.  Tomorrow will be a slow work day.  It is our bosses last day and we are having a cook-out (moved inside because of the weather).  My SIL is making cake balls....hello, I don't imagine much will be done in the way of real work.

7.  I work with a bunch of cheap bastards.  I bought the gift for the boss that is leaving.  Granted I don't like him, I think he is a bully but we are going to buy him a gift, that is a given.  We pass around a card and envelope for people to contribute money towards the gift.  When it got to my 9 people had seen it and there was $3 in the envelope!!  I paid $73 for a crystal castle - the USACE emblem and another co-worker paid $40 to have it etched.  Add $75 worth of cake balls on top of that.  I understand he isn't the most popular person in the world but like I said, we are going to buy a gift anyway.  So basically I would be the one to get screwed over.  What a bunch of jack asses. 

8.  I have the UGI done Monday at 2.  I can't eat or drink anything but clear liquid the morning of.  I am going to take off work and try to sleep as late as I can.  I have a feeling I will need to take Dexter back in that morning for some reason.  The doctor didn't seem concerned about the band.  He said that everyone can get the refulx crap after a bad cough, it is a viscus circle. 

9.  I think I scratched my eye

10.  I really can't believe it is already Thursday.  I am either going to go for a run when Dennis gets home or I will have to go to the grocery store.  Since the weather looks a little better tomorrow I may wait but if I get bad news at the vet I will need a run.

Fill 'er up PLEASE

Life with an empty band is not easy!!  I ate so much yesterday.  I went to Braums and got a 1/3 pound burger and fries AND.ATE.IT.ALL.  Burgers were the one thing that I just couldn't eat no matter how badly I wanted to with a half full band.  It was really good and I love Braums.  Then Dennis brought home pizza for dinner.  I ate 3 pieces.  Somehow I still managed 109 this morning on the scale.  I don't expect that to happen for much longer at this rate. 

I ran last night for the first time in probably a month or more.  It was so freaking hot, my car said it was 86 on my way home.  My original plan was to run after work with my friend Kim.  Well I went to get my socks out of my bag yesterday and realized that I had 2 shirts and no shorts....and one of the shirts was long sleeved?  Who knows what I was thinking.  So I didn't run at work.  I had pretty much talked myself out of running, then talked myself into running on the treadmill, then decided by the time I got to the gym I would be finished anyway and to just suck it up; it is going to get much hotter.  I set my garmin for a 30 minute run instead of a distance goal.  I ended up with 13:35 pace so it was a full minute under what my normal pace was.  Starting over sucks.  Towards the end my fingertips started to tingle a little so I took a few puffs on the inhaler and slowed down a little.   I figured I had worked my poor lungs enough.

Then when I got home I decided I wanted to take a bath and soak before I took a shower to wash the ick off.  I had been in the bath for maybe 10 minutes and I noticed I had clear little blisters all over my chest and stomach.  I have no clue what it was from...heat?  friction?  The areas were covered by 3 different articles of clothing (sports bra, tank, and skirt) and I know they weren't all washed in the same soap so it wasn't a soap allergy.  It looked like the blisters you get from a sunburn.  Anyway, they are gone and it just looks like my skin is dry and pealing. 

Tonight is ballet but I am really not in the mood for it.  I sent my sister and email to see if she wanted to go.  If she does I will go with her.  Honestly I just want to go home after work, change into comfy clothes and read.  I have turned into a lazy bum.

Tomorrow is supposed to get cold again so running shouldn't be as hard.  I hope it isn't windy, I would rather have rain then wind.  I started using Galloway 30 week training schedule for the marathon.  I am kind of excited and scared.  My first and only marathon was such a horrible experience that I swore I would never do anything over a half again.  I hope the training schedule is gradual enough that I can maintain without getting bored or feeling overwhelmed.  I will do the half if nothing else but I think I will register tomorrow for the full before the prices go up. 

Oh, I went to the gastro doctor this morning.  He was kind of creepy nice.  He asked me how much I had lost since I got the band.  He said that he couldn't imagine me at almost 200 pounds with my small frame.  I told him it wasn't pretty.  As I was in the hall paying my co-pay he walked by to his office or something and reached out touched my shoulder.  I am just not used to doctors being that touchy, especially someone that works in a specialty.  My UGI is scheduled for Monday at 2.  I am going to take off work all day because it is clear fluid only that morning so I am going to try to sleep as long as humanly possible.  If all goes well maybe I can start getting fills this time next week. 

Two more days until my boss leaves!!  I sure hope the new guy is the next great thing everyone swears he will be.  Friday will be one of those days nothing gets done since we are having his party.  We decided that the managers would all chip in and buy the food, which was $40 each.  He bought food for us all the time so I had no problem with that.  We bought him a crystal castle (the USACE symbol is a castle) and had it engraved.  My supervisor is always stuck footing the bill so I went ahead and ordered the gift, another co-worker went and had in etched.  Total the gift was like $120 maybe.  I also asked my SIL to do cake balls because we thought we were going to have the party outside and a cake would be a huge PITA.  The cheap bastards freaked out because cake balls are going to be $75 and a cake from Sam's is $40.  REALLY?  So, we pass around a card and ask for contributions towards the gift; when it got to me 8 people had signed the card and passed it off and there was $3 in the envelop!!!  $3!!  No I don't like the guy but still you would think that they would realize SOMEONE has to pay for the gift and by not contributing you screw that person, not the one who is leaving.  These cheap ass bastards could throw a $5 bill in there I mean really, they aren't even paying for food!!!  People never cease to disappoint.