Thank you guys so much for the nice comments you made on my picture. It is hard to believe that this time last year I would have never had those pictures taken, let alone shared them with anyone!! I can't wait for the rest of the pictures to come in. I was going to wait until October, which is the next milestone event in Dennis and my relationship, to give him the pictures but I know I can't wait that long. I think I will tell him we have a gift card to Carrabba's; which he loves, and go out to eat. I'll just tell him the pictures are a really late 50th birthday present (from May 10). The question is, do I give it to him while we are in the restaurant or wait....
So how sad is it that I am going to skip my pool workout tonight so I can watch the Olympics? Men's gymnastics is on and Michael Phelps swims for a medal. And I have been very careful about not reading/watching the recaps before they air the event. BTW, no I am not watching the live feed of the men's gymnastics on my iPhone at work, whatever would make you think that :-) I still want to see it on the big screen. I was totally in lust with Ryan Lochte until they had a video of him at home and showed his closet. Yeah, he is way too high maintenance for me. That and the diamond grill he wore. Don't get me wrong, he is still hot and I still rewind the footage every time he swims but his all that status is no more.
I went shopping with my Mom on Saturday. The plan was for us to get pedicures before she started Chemo but Dennis' dog mutilated my little piggy that had none when some idiot selling meat door to door came to my house (I didn't answer the door cause but saw the truck outside). There is a big chunk out of my toe and it is kind of oozy. I didn't want to stick my foot in a basin with questionable cleanliness. So instead we went to the "Chinese Foot Massage" place where you can get an hour legit but sketchy massage for $30. I almost kicked the guy when he touched my toe so he left it along. I paid for both of our massages since I wasn't going to do the pedicure. Afterward we went to Dillard's for the big 30-40% clearance prices. I ended up spending way too much money!! I bought a Coach purse that ended up being 70% off (Hi, my name is Terrie and I am a Coach addict), a pair of jeans, which is what I needed in a size 25, a pair of size 26 pink Miss Me booty shorts, that weren't booty shorts on my short legs; they were mother approved. A couple of cute shirts for about $10 each. My mom was pretty worn out and she doesn't shop with me very often because I make her nervous the way I spend money.
Afterward we walked toward Loft, my favorite store and she saw a nail salon. She said she was going to get a pedicure while I went to Loft. I thought that was probably a good idea. I got 3 tanks tops for $5 each, 2 scoop neck tees for $6 each, a couple of cute tops in XS that were adorable and two pair of crop pants in a size 0, all 50% off clearance. I spent less than $100 there. I was pretty happy. Afterwards I went to see if my mom was ready to go. She was under the toe dryer and the girl that did her nails came over to me and told me that it would be $25 for my mom's nails. I didn't realize that I was expected to pay for that. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and don't mind doing things for her but I hate that she just expects it out of me; even when I don't participate. She doesn't understand that I don't have kids and I save up money in a "play" account so I can have shopping trips like this without braking the bank, I don't do this all the time. I kind of feel taken advantage of. But she does start chemo tomorrow so I am going to suck it up.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
New picture
This is one of the pictures from the boudoir session I did Saturday. I took the picture of the picture on a computer screen so it isn't the best quality. I am actually surprised at how happy I was with the pictures.
I picked out 20 pictures to go in my "little black book" and she is going to burn me a CD with low res images. I am supposed to get the rest in 3 weeks.
The photographer swears this picture isn't photoshopped but I think she was just trying to sell me pictures ;-)
Thursday, July 26, 2012
finding inspiration
I ran yesterday for the first time since June 2. I was pretty worried about how hard it would be or how tired I would feel, but it turned out to be a great (slow) 3 mile run.
See, I work out at a gym that is owned by a bone and joint clinic. Their PT is set up out of the gym. Yesterday as I was getting on the dreadmill I kept thinking to myself "ok self, just start and if it is too difficult you can stop or walk the rest of the way." This was my first run since I completed the shot series in my knee, another cop out I had planned in the back of my head.
About 10 minutes into my run a young man in a wheelchair rolled himself to the treadmill beside me. He hoisted himself out of the chair and on to the treadmill. You could see how much of a struggle it was for him, but he set the machine for .09 and worked his legs. He would probably do this for a few minutes and would have to put his legs to the side or slow the treadmill down to rest. But, he was doing it. How do you wimp out on a run with this guy on the treadmill beside you? I wanted to tell him that he inspired me to push through but I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.
I had a great run.
When I got home I signed up for the Springfield, MO conservation half marathon November 4. I have no one to go with me at this time but I don't really care, I am sure someone will step up and go - especially since it is the weekend before my birthday and I want to spend some time at the outlet malls in Branson the day before.
I really needed that.
See, I work out at a gym that is owned by a bone and joint clinic. Their PT is set up out of the gym. Yesterday as I was getting on the dreadmill I kept thinking to myself "ok self, just start and if it is too difficult you can stop or walk the rest of the way." This was my first run since I completed the shot series in my knee, another cop out I had planned in the back of my head.
About 10 minutes into my run a young man in a wheelchair rolled himself to the treadmill beside me. He hoisted himself out of the chair and on to the treadmill. You could see how much of a struggle it was for him, but he set the machine for .09 and worked his legs. He would probably do this for a few minutes and would have to put his legs to the side or slow the treadmill down to rest. But, he was doing it. How do you wimp out on a run with this guy on the treadmill beside you? I wanted to tell him that he inspired me to push through but I didn't want to make him uncomfortable.
I had a great run.
When I got home I signed up for the Springfield, MO conservation half marathon November 4. I have no one to go with me at this time but I don't really care, I am sure someone will step up and go - especially since it is the weekend before my birthday and I want to spend some time at the outlet malls in Branson the day before.
I really needed that.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
better day
I really want to thank you guys for you support. The next 6 months is going to be really tough and I am glad you guys are here to talk/type to.
Things were a lot calmer yesterday. I can still tell that there is some anxiety for some reason (you never know what might set off PTSD anxiety) but he was much more mature then the previous day. I think there may be some stuff going on where he works because he wants me to help him fill out an online resume. No biggy, I can handle that as long as he stays calm. I may slip him half of Dexters Xanax in his diet coke, ;)
I ate a lot of sodium the last two days and my fingers are showing it. My poor little ring didn't want to go over my knuckle today. I skipped my morning root beer and am trying to get as much water as my stomach can handle. I also took one of the water pills my surgeon gave me a long time ago. That might not have been the smartest idea since I am sitting in the pre-chemo class with my parents this afternoon. The biggest accomplishment is I haven't gotten stuck or thrown up this week!! I really hope that I don't have to have fluid removed from my band. If I can keep the food down until my appointment Aug 6 I won't even bring it up. Of course a lot of it will also depend on my non-bloat w.
Speaking of the chemo class. I have a list of questions two pages long with everything I can think of:
Will chemo have an impact on dental health? Name of drugs and side effects? When are the side effects not normal, when should the doctor be called?
If you guys can think of anything else please let me know. They are going to love me
I am meeting my sister for lunch before the class so she can let me know if she has any questions she wants answered. Of course we are going to Mexican again. Seriously, I can eat it everyday but I am going to have to detox from the sodium (and margaritas) of have inhaled the last three days!!
Two more days until I see my pictures and the start of the Olympics!!!
Things were a lot calmer yesterday. I can still tell that there is some anxiety for some reason (you never know what might set off PTSD anxiety) but he was much more mature then the previous day. I think there may be some stuff going on where he works because he wants me to help him fill out an online resume. No biggy, I can handle that as long as he stays calm. I may slip him half of Dexters Xanax in his diet coke, ;)
I ate a lot of sodium the last two days and my fingers are showing it. My poor little ring didn't want to go over my knuckle today. I skipped my morning root beer and am trying to get as much water as my stomach can handle. I also took one of the water pills my surgeon gave me a long time ago. That might not have been the smartest idea since I am sitting in the pre-chemo class with my parents this afternoon. The biggest accomplishment is I haven't gotten stuck or thrown up this week!! I really hope that I don't have to have fluid removed from my band. If I can keep the food down until my appointment Aug 6 I won't even bring it up. Of course a lot of it will also depend on my non-bloat w.
Speaking of the chemo class. I have a list of questions two pages long with everything I can think of:
Will chemo have an impact on dental health? Name of drugs and side effects? When are the side effects not normal, when should the doctor be called?
If you guys can think of anything else please let me know. They are going to love me
I am meeting my sister for lunch before the class so she can let me know if she has any questions she wants answered. Of course we are going to Mexican again. Seriously, I can eat it everyday but I am going to have to detox from the sodium (and margaritas) of have inhaled the last three days!!
Two more days until I see my pictures and the start of the Olympics!!!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
trying not to whine
To start off with, I didn't weigh this morning. I am trying to weight only once or twice a week and stop obsessing about the number so much.
Food yesterday was 100% junk. Went for lunch and had tortilla soup but along with it ate way too many chips with queso. Last night after aquajogging I needed a margarita so me and HMF went to a tex mex place and split nachos and got a drink. The only redeming quality to the food was a little bit of chicken thrown in here and there. I will do better today.
Yesterday did not start off well. I am pretty sure I have mentioned the fact that D has PTSD from working as a State Trooper for years. When it starts to flair up I fill like I have to tiptoe around him on eggshells to keep him from throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old. Sunday evening I started to notice the signs of an impending meltdown, which makes me a nervous wreck as well. Sometimes he is able to see what kind of affect he is having on me and will calm himself down because of my stress. Well yesterday I wasn't so lucky. He ended up having a meltdown over a Fed Ex package (who knows why). At any rate we ended up getting into a huge fight, or rather he got all worked up screaming and yelling over this stupid package. I either told him to call me back when he could talk rationally and hung up on him or would try to figure out why this package was so important to him (and hanging up on him). This stuff used to make me want to eat, but now if I try to eat when I feel like this I guess it makes my band tighter? At any rate I will throw up anything I eat while I am anxious.
Anyway, I stayed gone from my house as long as I possibly could because I knew there was going to have to be a talk when I got there. At first he tried asking me if I was doing better, kind of playing off like I was the one pissed off. I ended up telling him that I had found out earlier that day that not only do I have to work 6 days a week for the next month, but I am the team lead over the project so I am in charge of the people that are coming in on Saturdays to work; training, work assignment, scheduling, all that kind of stuff. I explained that the work stress in itself has me on edge but the fact that my mom starts chemo next week has me right on the edge of going over an emotional cliff and his sh!t wasn't helping. I told him that there would be no more temper tantrums for awhile because all my strength is going into keeping my parents in good spirts and my mom healthy. I can't deal with his issues too, which are serious to him but seriously; (just the slightest little thing will get set him off sometimes), while my mother was going through a treatment that would make her as close to deathly ill as a person can come from what I understand. For once in his life he is going to have to be a grown up ALL THE TIME and figure out another way to deal with his anger/anxiety issues. He has a good friend who is a psychologist and I suggested he talk to him over the phone or something once a week because I was not emotionally able to be the person he takes all that anxiety out on. I had a nice little cry over everything, which I hadn't done yet so it was probably good to get it all out. I hope the talk actually clicked with him because I seriously can't deal with any small little stuff blown way out of whack in his mind. BLECH. Time will tell
I will make healthy choices today!!
Food yesterday was 100% junk. Went for lunch and had tortilla soup but along with it ate way too many chips with queso. Last night after aquajogging I needed a margarita so me and HMF went to a tex mex place and split nachos and got a drink. The only redeming quality to the food was a little bit of chicken thrown in here and there. I will do better today.
Yesterday did not start off well. I am pretty sure I have mentioned the fact that D has PTSD from working as a State Trooper for years. When it starts to flair up I fill like I have to tiptoe around him on eggshells to keep him from throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old. Sunday evening I started to notice the signs of an impending meltdown, which makes me a nervous wreck as well. Sometimes he is able to see what kind of affect he is having on me and will calm himself down because of my stress. Well yesterday I wasn't so lucky. He ended up having a meltdown over a Fed Ex package (who knows why). At any rate we ended up getting into a huge fight, or rather he got all worked up screaming and yelling over this stupid package. I either told him to call me back when he could talk rationally and hung up on him or would try to figure out why this package was so important to him (and hanging up on him). This stuff used to make me want to eat, but now if I try to eat when I feel like this I guess it makes my band tighter? At any rate I will throw up anything I eat while I am anxious.
Anyway, I stayed gone from my house as long as I possibly could because I knew there was going to have to be a talk when I got there. At first he tried asking me if I was doing better, kind of playing off like I was the one pissed off. I ended up telling him that I had found out earlier that day that not only do I have to work 6 days a week for the next month, but I am the team lead over the project so I am in charge of the people that are coming in on Saturdays to work; training, work assignment, scheduling, all that kind of stuff. I explained that the work stress in itself has me on edge but the fact that my mom starts chemo next week has me right on the edge of going over an emotional cliff and his sh!t wasn't helping. I told him that there would be no more temper tantrums for awhile because all my strength is going into keeping my parents in good spirts and my mom healthy. I can't deal with his issues too, which are serious to him but seriously; (just the slightest little thing will get set him off sometimes), while my mother was going through a treatment that would make her as close to deathly ill as a person can come from what I understand. For once in his life he is going to have to be a grown up ALL THE TIME and figure out another way to deal with his anger/anxiety issues. He has a good friend who is a psychologist and I suggested he talk to him over the phone or something once a week because I was not emotionally able to be the person he takes all that anxiety out on. I had a nice little cry over everything, which I hadn't done yet so it was probably good to get it all out. I hope the talk actually clicked with him because I seriously can't deal with any small little stuff blown way out of whack in his mind. BLECH. Time will tell
I will make healthy choices today!!
Monday, July 23, 2012
weekend recap
111.8 this morning. I am sure it is because of stress and heat, both of which make me feel sick. I know I am starting to get too low. When I go to the doctor August 6 I may ask him to remove some fluid from my band. My size 2 pants are really starting to bag. Even though I don't see how I really look in the mirror (I will alway see myself at almost 200 pounds I think) I don't want to look sick or jepordize my health.
I brought a lot of outfits for the pictures, thinking she would be a lot better at picking out what looks good then I do. The appointment was supposed to be 45 minutes but I was there for a good 2 hours!! She started off pretty tame in a cute black nightie that I would really wear around the house. I think mostly she took pictures of my legs in heels though. According to her she was in love with my legs. After that we moved on to a white tank top and zebra print boxers. She had me on a zebra rug. Then she poured me a shot of something and told me to go change into my black bra and garter thing. That was when I really started to get nervous!! She told me that she thinks I will like these pictures the most. We will see. From there I changed into another bra and pantie set with a push up bra , but she had me put on the men's oversized white dress shirt I brought. After another shot of somethin strong and alcholic in nature, she had me wrapped up in a white sheet taking all kinds of pictures. Of course I was covered at all times. She said she never shows people pictures from the back of her camera while she is working but she had to show me one of the white sheet pictures. You know how small they are but I really couldn't believe it was really me I think I will give the little black book I get with the special to Dennis for our "first" anniversary the first week in October. He will be blown over!!
Anyway, I go in Friday to see the proofs. I told her she better get to photoshopping!! I think I am more nervous to see the pictures then to take them.
Last night we took my parents, little sister and her BFF/our cousin out for dinner. We wanted to take my mom out before she starts chemo. We went to a place called Ted's, which has fantastic tex-mex and a lot of it. I think my parents had fun and enjoyed the food and company. My mom is on the colonoscopy soap box almost going up to complete strangers and telling them to have it done sooner rather than later. Hey, having hers done when she did probably saved her life so I can't complain too much. I really want to take her out again next weekend and have mani/pedi done and lunch. I don't think they will let her have it done after she starts treatment with the threat of bacteria. I will find out more after we go to the class on Wednesday.
The Olympics start Friday. I am such an Olympics geek. I can hardly wait!!
Saturday ended up being lot of fun. I went in and had my hair and make-up done at 9:30 downtown. my friend said that I look pissed in the picture but for one I wasn't really sure about my hair and I was trying to think of the best way to get across town in 30 minutes with the butt load of construction we have.
I brought a lot of outfits for the pictures, thinking she would be a lot better at picking out what looks good then I do. The appointment was supposed to be 45 minutes but I was there for a good 2 hours!! She started off pretty tame in a cute black nightie that I would really wear around the house. I think mostly she took pictures of my legs in heels though. According to her she was in love with my legs. After that we moved on to a white tank top and zebra print boxers. She had me on a zebra rug. Then she poured me a shot of something and told me to go change into my black bra and garter thing. That was when I really started to get nervous!! She told me that she thinks I will like these pictures the most. We will see. From there I changed into another bra and pantie set with a push up bra , but she had me put on the men's oversized white dress shirt I brought. After another shot of somethin strong and alcholic in nature, she had me wrapped up in a white sheet taking all kinds of pictures. Of course I was covered at all times. She said she never shows people pictures from the back of her camera while she is working but she had to show me one of the white sheet pictures. You know how small they are but I really couldn't believe it was really me I think I will give the little black book I get with the special to Dennis for our "first" anniversary the first week in October. He will be blown over!!
Anyway, I go in Friday to see the proofs. I told her she better get to photoshopping!! I think I am more nervous to see the pictures then to take them.
Last night we took my parents, little sister and her BFF/our cousin out for dinner. We wanted to take my mom out before she starts chemo. We went to a place called Ted's, which has fantastic tex-mex and a lot of it. I think my parents had fun and enjoyed the food and company. My mom is on the colonoscopy soap box almost going up to complete strangers and telling them to have it done sooner rather than later. Hey, having hers done when she did probably saved her life so I can't complain too much. I really want to take her out again next weekend and have mani/pedi done and lunch. I don't think they will let her have it done after she starts treatment with the threat of bacteria. I will find out more after we go to the class on Wednesday.
The Olympics start Friday. I am such an Olympics geek. I can hardly wait!!
Friday, July 20, 2012
an example of why I wish I hadn't shared my band story
I know I haven't updated much lately, just enough to get my TTT in. If you have read any of my blogs lately, you should get that I have had a rough couple of weeks.
I will make the short story not so long as I possibly can. One of my friends from work called in sick a couple of weeks ago with stomach problems. She ended up coming to work late and complained about how sick she felt the rest of the day. Believe me, I know how busy she is, but if you are sick...STAY HOME.
So about 2 weeks after my friend came in to work sick I started to get intense stomach pains at work. I ate a half a protein bar for breakfast but it was about noon when I start to get sick and I was doubled over in pain. I ended up taking a few hours off and going home to lay down.
Sit down folks, here is the kicker....
When I got to work the next day my normally cool boss (direct supervisor as opposed to big boss asshat) called me into her office and just kind of gave me a do better speech about stuff I had no control over. OK I am a team leader, I know I have to take my hits every now and again, whatever. As I was getting ready to leave her office she made the comment that she couldn't afford for me to take off work every time I ate something that interfered with my band and I just really had to be more careful!! Seriously!!! Even if it was my band that made me sick, I don't go home or call in sick very often and it is no ones business WTF??!!
I was so freaking mad I almost started screaming and crying in her office but I just got up and walked off. I came this close to going straight to our EEO office but for one I don't trust them not to gossip (sad but true) and two I don't want to make things awkward since this boss is going to retire at the end of the year. Just suck it up.
The thing is I have been pretty close to this boss until here recently. In the past few months she has been ubber critical of every move I have made.
I have only told 5 people at work about my surgery, one that just recently had the surgery so I could help support her, another that had gastric bypass several years ago that has helped me. Both of these people told me that they highly suspect that this boss is jealous about the fact that I am in a size two and she is having to work her ass off to stay in a 10 for the first time in her life.
The fact is, it doesn't matter why she is treating me differently, she just needs to cut the shit out or we will be sitting down with a mediator and talking about this. Retiring at the end of the year or not.
I can go on for hours about this but I will just shut up now.
I will make the short story not so long as I possibly can. One of my friends from work called in sick a couple of weeks ago with stomach problems. She ended up coming to work late and complained about how sick she felt the rest of the day. Believe me, I know how busy she is, but if you are sick...STAY HOME.
So about 2 weeks after my friend came in to work sick I started to get intense stomach pains at work. I ate a half a protein bar for breakfast but it was about noon when I start to get sick and I was doubled over in pain. I ended up taking a few hours off and going home to lay down.
Sit down folks, here is the kicker....
When I got to work the next day my normally cool boss (direct supervisor as opposed to big boss asshat) called me into her office and just kind of gave me a do better speech about stuff I had no control over. OK I am a team leader, I know I have to take my hits every now and again, whatever. As I was getting ready to leave her office she made the comment that she couldn't afford for me to take off work every time I ate something that interfered with my band and I just really had to be more careful!! Seriously!!! Even if it was my band that made me sick, I don't go home or call in sick very often and it is no ones business WTF??!!
I was so freaking mad I almost started screaming and crying in her office but I just got up and walked off. I came this close to going straight to our EEO office but for one I don't trust them not to gossip (sad but true) and two I don't want to make things awkward since this boss is going to retire at the end of the year. Just suck it up.
The thing is I have been pretty close to this boss until here recently. In the past few months she has been ubber critical of every move I have made.
I have only told 5 people at work about my surgery, one that just recently had the surgery so I could help support her, another that had gastric bypass several years ago that has helped me. Both of these people told me that they highly suspect that this boss is jealous about the fact that I am in a size two and she is having to work her ass off to stay in a 10 for the first time in her life.
The fact is, it doesn't matter why she is treating me differently, she just needs to cut the shit out or we will be sitting down with a mediator and talking about this. Retiring at the end of the year or not.
I can go on for hours about this but I will just shut up now.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
TGIThursday!!
OK, this really isn't meant to be a downer post, I am, pretty much in a good place it has just been one hell of a week.
1. Work is so busy. I am working late whenever I can to get to the things that I haven't been able to update off my desk. Tuesday night I stayed late and did data entry for some paperwork that was over a year old. I am just glad it wasn't on my desk. I volunteered to do another team members data entry since I had to work late anyway and it was from his stack.
2. Found out Tuesday that my mom has to have chemo for 6 months/12 sessions. The surgeon said he thought he got it all but since it had move to the lymph nodes they are going to do this just to make sure. They told her that she will not get sick and will not lose her hair. I have my fingers crossed. She has to go to a class next week. My dad is going with her but I am thinking about going with her too just to make sure I know what is going on.
3. I have had a lot of problems keeping food down. I think it is stress and over 100 degree heat. Monday I ran two miles and threw up 3 times. I couldn't keep G2 or water down for about an hour after the run. It was getting to the point I was freaking out a little. Tuesday I ate sliced deli turkey and cheese for lunch. I found out about my mom shortly after eating and threw up after that. I never get sick on deli meat so I thought that was strange and wrote it off to stress. Later that night, about maybe 10 or so I started really throwing up, not "stuck" throwing up. I ended up sick all night. Dennis said he was waiting for me to come get him to take me to the ER but I was really too sick to care and would have rather just sat at home and died. I finally got to sleep and felt better about 4am. I went to urgent care the next morning and they think I had food poisoning from the turkey. They told me I really should have gone to the ER so they could monitor my band or take the fluid out but I seriously was too sick to care. Everything feels fine so I am not too worried about it. I go see the band doctor on August 6 and I am thinking about having some fluid taken out since I am throwing up so much. I have never had that done before but I don't want to mess up the band and have to have it removed.
4. My weight is down to 113 thanks to being sick. My doctor told me last time I was in to stop losing and that was 5 pounds ago. I really don't know how to stop. I think 115 is where I want to stay.
5. Saturday is my boudoir pictures!! I am so nervous!! I don't make it a practice to prounce around in my unmentionables, let alone let someone take pictures of it!! The girl that is doing the pictures is a master of lighting and posing so I hope she can do a good job hiding my rolls. The pictures are at 11:00, I go get my make-up done at 9:30.
6. My sister is taking one of her newly adopted chihuahuas to have leg surgery on both of its legs tomorrow. She adopted them from a place about an hour and a half away in OKC, she wants to just stay in the city since the drive is so long. I originally told her I would take off work and go with her but I am way too busy especially since I took off yesterday sick and I want to save some leave just in case my mom needs me for something oh, and the dog has to be there at 7:30 am!! I think I would get a hotel and just go back to the room and sleep! WTF are you going to do at 7:30 anyway?
7. I want to take a nap, all of a sudden I can't seem to complete a thought.
8. Since I'm not going with my sister to OKC tomorrow I don't get to go to the Coach outlet. So I went to the mall at lunch and bought the purse I almost bought last weekend but decided I really didn't need because it was too expensive, again with the not thinking straight ;-).
9. I am so ready for summer to be over (sorry RB Barbie). I want to run outside without passing out from heat and to to the mall at lunch and not be run over by unsupervised pre-teens.
10. My new medal board is supposed to be ready tomorrow!! I have 4 medals to hang on it from this years races and I hope to have 2 more by the end of the year. Which means I will need a new one in time for Christmas. This one is going to say "HALF FANATIC #2424" my old one says "I RUN FOR BLING" think I will put "one step at a time" on my next one.
1. Work is so busy. I am working late whenever I can to get to the things that I haven't been able to update off my desk. Tuesday night I stayed late and did data entry for some paperwork that was over a year old. I am just glad it wasn't on my desk. I volunteered to do another team members data entry since I had to work late anyway and it was from his stack.
2. Found out Tuesday that my mom has to have chemo for 6 months/12 sessions. The surgeon said he thought he got it all but since it had move to the lymph nodes they are going to do this just to make sure. They told her that she will not get sick and will not lose her hair. I have my fingers crossed. She has to go to a class next week. My dad is going with her but I am thinking about going with her too just to make sure I know what is going on.
3. I have had a lot of problems keeping food down. I think it is stress and over 100 degree heat. Monday I ran two miles and threw up 3 times. I couldn't keep G2 or water down for about an hour after the run. It was getting to the point I was freaking out a little. Tuesday I ate sliced deli turkey and cheese for lunch. I found out about my mom shortly after eating and threw up after that. I never get sick on deli meat so I thought that was strange and wrote it off to stress. Later that night, about maybe 10 or so I started really throwing up, not "stuck" throwing up. I ended up sick all night. Dennis said he was waiting for me to come get him to take me to the ER but I was really too sick to care and would have rather just sat at home and died. I finally got to sleep and felt better about 4am. I went to urgent care the next morning and they think I had food poisoning from the turkey. They told me I really should have gone to the ER so they could monitor my band or take the fluid out but I seriously was too sick to care. Everything feels fine so I am not too worried about it. I go see the band doctor on August 6 and I am thinking about having some fluid taken out since I am throwing up so much. I have never had that done before but I don't want to mess up the band and have to have it removed.
4. My weight is down to 113 thanks to being sick. My doctor told me last time I was in to stop losing and that was 5 pounds ago. I really don't know how to stop. I think 115 is where I want to stay.
5. Saturday is my boudoir pictures!! I am so nervous!! I don't make it a practice to prounce around in my unmentionables, let alone let someone take pictures of it!! The girl that is doing the pictures is a master of lighting and posing so I hope she can do a good job hiding my rolls. The pictures are at 11:00, I go get my make-up done at 9:30.
6. My sister is taking one of her newly adopted chihuahuas to have leg surgery on both of its legs tomorrow. She adopted them from a place about an hour and a half away in OKC, she wants to just stay in the city since the drive is so long. I originally told her I would take off work and go with her but I am way too busy especially since I took off yesterday sick and I want to save some leave just in case my mom needs me for something oh, and the dog has to be there at 7:30 am!! I think I would get a hotel and just go back to the room and sleep! WTF are you going to do at 7:30 anyway?
7. I want to take a nap, all of a sudden I can't seem to complete a thought.
8. Since I'm not going with my sister to OKC tomorrow I don't get to go to the Coach outlet. So I went to the mall at lunch and bought the purse I almost bought last weekend but decided I really didn't need because it was too expensive, again with the not thinking straight ;-).
9. I am so ready for summer to be over (sorry RB Barbie). I want to run outside without passing out from heat and to to the mall at lunch and not be run over by unsupervised pre-teens.
10. My new medal board is supposed to be ready tomorrow!! I have 4 medals to hang on it from this years races and I hope to have 2 more by the end of the year. Which means I will need a new one in time for Christmas. This one is going to say "HALF FANATIC #2424" my old one says "I RUN FOR BLING" think I will put "one step at a time" on my next one.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Its time for ten things thursday again!!
1. I ordered a Garmin 405 to replace my old 305 that is pretty much the size of a billboard on my wrist. The idea was the new tech toy would motivate me to go run. When it was 100 degrees at 7:30 the motivation just kind of went out the window. My plan is to get up early Saturday and run; don't laugh it could happen.
2. I am having some serious problems at work with a boss that I thought was my friend. She has been giving me next to impossible assignments to get done with very short deadlines. She is also nit picking little comments that I make to other co-workers that are my friend that are completely innocent and not offensive in the least. Well I got sick and was throwing up at work on Tuesday so I went home sick. When I came in to work yesterday she made a comment about how I have to be careful with "what I eat and my stomach" and can't be gone sick all the time!! I haven't taken honest to goodness sick leave since my surgery a year ago!! I was so mad. I talked to a couple of close friend that work in the building, both of them say she is really jealous of me and my success, she is used to being thin and has gained a lot of weight lately. When I started to lose noticably she joined Jenny Craig. My friend that had gastric bypass told me she could get in a lot of trouble for saying that to me. Even if my band did make me sick, it is none of her business. I just know that for someone that was supposed to be my friend, she is really riding me hard lately. She retires in October and I am ready for her to go.
3. I didn't go to water boot camp last night. My stomach was still kind of ick from being sick on Tuesday and I just wanted to lay around. I am going to try to get to one tonight but it starts at 5:15 and I am not sure I will get off work in time.
4. One week from Saturday is my boudoir pictures!! I can't decided if I am excited or scared shitless. I need to find a few more things to bring with me so I have some options. I just don't want to spend a fortune on stuff I will never wear again. I am a t-shirt and pj shorts or fleece pj bottom kind of girl.
5. The girl that did our couple pictures said the edits should be done today and I should have the rest of the pictures!! I am both excited and nervous.
6. I signed up for the Tulsa Route 66 half marathong in November. Really need to get off my ass and start training. Are you seeing a theme here?
7. I ate nutter butters for breakfast (hanging my head in shame) but man they were good!! Now I have to be careful with my lunch. Maybe I will go pick up some soup for El Chico.
8. One of the little chiuahuahas my sister adopted last week has to have surgery in OKC, which is over an hour away. I really want to take off work Friday and go with her so I will have an excuse to blow this joint. I have so much work to do I will never be caught up so why bother even trying.
9. HMF is going out of town next week so I am on my own for aquajogging and boot camp. They aren't nearly as fun when you don't have someone to laugh at/with. Since my sexy picture are next week I am going to have to suck it up and go on my own.
10. My sirius XM radio trial expires this month. I am trying to decide if it is worth the money to renew it when I have an ipod I can sync and listen to for free. I need to call and see if I can get a better deal then $45 a quarter because damn that is a lot of money for a radio signal!!
2. I am having some serious problems at work with a boss that I thought was my friend. She has been giving me next to impossible assignments to get done with very short deadlines. She is also nit picking little comments that I make to other co-workers that are my friend that are completely innocent and not offensive in the least. Well I got sick and was throwing up at work on Tuesday so I went home sick. When I came in to work yesterday she made a comment about how I have to be careful with "what I eat and my stomach" and can't be gone sick all the time!! I haven't taken honest to goodness sick leave since my surgery a year ago!! I was so mad. I talked to a couple of close friend that work in the building, both of them say she is really jealous of me and my success, she is used to being thin and has gained a lot of weight lately. When I started to lose noticably she joined Jenny Craig. My friend that had gastric bypass told me she could get in a lot of trouble for saying that to me. Even if my band did make me sick, it is none of her business. I just know that for someone that was supposed to be my friend, she is really riding me hard lately. She retires in October and I am ready for her to go.
3. I didn't go to water boot camp last night. My stomach was still kind of ick from being sick on Tuesday and I just wanted to lay around. I am going to try to get to one tonight but it starts at 5:15 and I am not sure I will get off work in time.
4. One week from Saturday is my boudoir pictures!! I can't decided if I am excited or scared shitless. I need to find a few more things to bring with me so I have some options. I just don't want to spend a fortune on stuff I will never wear again. I am a t-shirt and pj shorts or fleece pj bottom kind of girl.
5. The girl that did our couple pictures said the edits should be done today and I should have the rest of the pictures!! I am both excited and nervous.
6. I signed up for the Tulsa Route 66 half marathong in November. Really need to get off my ass and start training. Are you seeing a theme here?
7. I ate nutter butters for breakfast (hanging my head in shame) but man they were good!! Now I have to be careful with my lunch. Maybe I will go pick up some soup for El Chico.
8. One of the little chiuahuahas my sister adopted last week has to have surgery in OKC, which is over an hour away. I really want to take off work Friday and go with her so I will have an excuse to blow this joint. I have so much work to do I will never be caught up so why bother even trying.
9. HMF is going out of town next week so I am on my own for aquajogging and boot camp. They aren't nearly as fun when you don't have someone to laugh at/with. Since my sexy picture are next week I am going to have to suck it up and go on my own.
10. My sirius XM radio trial expires this month. I am trying to decide if it is worth the money to renew it when I have an ipod I can sync and listen to for free. I need to call and see if I can get a better deal then $45 a quarter because damn that is a lot of money for a radio signal!!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
the down side of weight loss
OK, this entire post is probably TMI but if you can't share with your bloggy friends, who can you share with?
I have always been a "chesty" girl. I even had a breast reduction surgery in my early 20's. Unfortunately, when I gained weight after my 30's they just got big again. Lately people have been making comments about the girls. A friend at work asked me if they were saggy. I told her I hadn't paid much attention to them but I didn't think so. Then at my last doctor's appointment the nurse asked if I was ready to get the girls revamped...um, no.
Before I had my surgery I was a 36 d or dd depending on the bra. Around the end of winter I started to wear a 34 C or 32 D but it didn't appear that the girls themselves were any smaller, just my chest itself.
Last week during my time off I went shopping and saw that Dillard's was having a huge bra sell. I picked up a few 34 C bras and tried them on. The cups were too big!! I looked for a B but they were all sexy demi bras and I am so used to the industrial strength undergarments that they just didn't fell right.
The next day Dennis and I went to the water park. I had on my tankini that is pretty low cut and thought I looked pretty darn good. While we were sitting at the edge of the wave pool just letting the waves wash over us, he looked at me and asked in an honest to goodness question "why is your boob so wrinkly?" Granted the bathing suit only shows a little side cleavage but enough to see that I didn't fill out the top and that indeed my girls were like medium sized prunes. It is like someone let the air out of them over night. Dennis asked me if I was going to go get them "squirted full of silicon now" to which I told him hell no, I have waited for years to not have big 'uns.
If I ever do have that much needed tummy tuck, I might have them perked up a little but I can honestly say I have no desire to go back and make them big again.
Monday, July 9, 2012
back to the routine
I am having a really hard time focusing today. The 5 days I had off last week were just enough to make me not want to come back to work. I have stuff piled up but can't seem to find it in myself to care yet. I really wanted to call in disinterested to work this morning.
Had a very laid back and, well, lazy vacation. Spent most of it reading the three Gillian Flynn books. Very dark and strangely written books. I didn't work out one time last week, unless you count the day we went to the water park. It felt good to just not have to be anywhere.
Dennis' brother and his wife and kid (the royal family) came to town, as I am sure I told you earlier. The royal SIL is batshit crazy and a raging alcoholic so it is always good times when she is around I say in a sarcastic tone. The marriage is on it's last leg so she did a short stint in rehab. Apparently it didn't take because she was fired from her job the week before they left for being drunk on the job and sending some really horrible text messages to her boss. Anyway, while she was down here she was on her best drug induced behavior (judging from her slack jaw and distant stare). We don't really speak anyway but this time we literally didn't say two words to each other. MIL hid all the alcohol from her, which was kind of awkward. Anyway, the visit went without incident. However, I guess she went over the edge when they got home and flipped her shit. They took her to the emergency room but they said there was nothing they could do, they would have to take her to a mental facility. She refused to sign herself in so BIL kicked her out of the house and contacted his attorney to start divorce proceedings. There are so many things about this relationship that I can't even begin to tell you how effed up it was. This should have happened years ago. They for sure put the fun in dysfunctional.
Anyway, Dennis was getting text messages all weekend about that ordeal. It makes us feel so happy to be a "normal" couple. Wowza.
Did I tell you guys I am having boudoir pictures done next Saturday? I went shopping for something to wear for that and I found a very sexy underwear outfit that will require me to buy stockings. Not sure if I feel comfortable getting my picture taken in it but it is very sexy. I need to find some red stiletto heals to borrow to go with it. I will take a picture of it and let you guys see it. I also bought a pair of girl boxers and a plain white tank top, which is much more my speed. I am excited, nervous, and a little scared of this photo shoot!!
And in weight news, my scale went from 113.8 to 117.8 overnight, which I thought was weird. It has shown 117.8 all weekend no matter what time of day it was. So I changed the batteries. 116.2. I think I may have worn these poor guys out.
OK, one more crazy story from the weekend and I really have to get to work. We went to get sno cones a few days ago. In the trash can by the sno cone hut was a dozen roses complete with the vase. The note was gone, I did look. You could tell the flowers were fresh but had been in the sun because they were starting to look very heat stressed. Dennis and I joked about taking them out of the trash but we didn't, we were just joking. Some couple came up behind us to order and they appeared to be drunk off their ass. We sat on the back of my car and ate our sno cones and the drunk lady walked over, grabbed the roses out of the trash and put them in her car. These flowers have some stories to tell!!
OK, really going to work now.
Had a very laid back and, well, lazy vacation. Spent most of it reading the three Gillian Flynn books. Very dark and strangely written books. I didn't work out one time last week, unless you count the day we went to the water park. It felt good to just not have to be anywhere.
Dennis' brother and his wife and kid (the royal family) came to town, as I am sure I told you earlier. The royal SIL is batshit crazy and a raging alcoholic so it is always good times when she is around I say in a sarcastic tone. The marriage is on it's last leg so she did a short stint in rehab. Apparently it didn't take because she was fired from her job the week before they left for being drunk on the job and sending some really horrible text messages to her boss. Anyway, while she was down here she was on her best drug induced behavior (judging from her slack jaw and distant stare). We don't really speak anyway but this time we literally didn't say two words to each other. MIL hid all the alcohol from her, which was kind of awkward. Anyway, the visit went without incident. However, I guess she went over the edge when they got home and flipped her shit. They took her to the emergency room but they said there was nothing they could do, they would have to take her to a mental facility. She refused to sign herself in so BIL kicked her out of the house and contacted his attorney to start divorce proceedings. There are so many things about this relationship that I can't even begin to tell you how effed up it was. This should have happened years ago. They for sure put the fun in dysfunctional.
Anyway, Dennis was getting text messages all weekend about that ordeal. It makes us feel so happy to be a "normal" couple. Wowza.
Did I tell you guys I am having boudoir pictures done next Saturday? I went shopping for something to wear for that and I found a very sexy underwear outfit that will require me to buy stockings. Not sure if I feel comfortable getting my picture taken in it but it is very sexy. I need to find some red stiletto heals to borrow to go with it. I will take a picture of it and let you guys see it. I also bought a pair of girl boxers and a plain white tank top, which is much more my speed. I am excited, nervous, and a little scared of this photo shoot!!
And in weight news, my scale went from 113.8 to 117.8 overnight, which I thought was weird. It has shown 117.8 all weekend no matter what time of day it was. So I changed the batteries. 116.2. I think I may have worn these poor guys out.
OK, one more crazy story from the weekend and I really have to get to work. We went to get sno cones a few days ago. In the trash can by the sno cone hut was a dozen roses complete with the vase. The note was gone, I did look. You could tell the flowers were fresh but had been in the sun because they were starting to look very heat stressed. Dennis and I joked about taking them out of the trash but we didn't, we were just joking. Some couple came up behind us to order and they appeared to be drunk off their ass. We sat on the back of my car and ate our sno cones and the drunk lady walked over, grabbed the roses out of the trash and put them in her car. These flowers have some stories to tell!!
OK, really going to work now.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
New picture
From the couple pictures we did last week. This is the only one we got so far. What suck Is all I can see is the fat roll on my side. Ugh 
Monday, July 2, 2012
What I did on my bandiversary
Saturday was my one year bandivesary. It is hard to grasp how much things have changed in one short year.
62 pounds lost
31 BMI to 20.5
36/38 D to 34 B bra
size 14/16 to size 0/2
I was so ashamed of my body and what I had let it become that I hated to see people that I hadn't seen for awhile. Now I can't wait to see people that haven't seen me in a year!
Dennis and I had pictures done on Saturday. I haven't seen any of them yet but I am so excited.
I want to put together a slide show showing pictures from my journey. I know there are a bunch of online places that offer slide show programs, do any of you have one you recommend?
62 pounds lost
31 BMI to 20.5
36/38 D to 34 B bra
size 14/16 to size 0/2
I was so ashamed of my body and what I had let it become that I hated to see people that I hadn't seen for awhile. Now I can't wait to see people that haven't seen me in a year!
Dennis and I had pictures done on Saturday. I haven't seen any of them yet but I am so excited.
I want to put together a slide show showing pictures from my journey. I know there are a bunch of online places that offer slide show programs, do any of you have one you recommend?
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