change in plans

I normally would have my Thursday workout posted, but as it turns out there wasn't one.  I was psychologically ready and even had a little work rage I was gong to channel but some asshat force a change in plans.

This is going to be long and rambling because there are just SO.MANY.THINGS

First off, work.  Our boss left in November and his boss retired in March.  Because of this they didn't fill the first boss's job so the new boss would get a say in who would be his branch lead.  In the meantime they are filling with some temporary duty positions.  The person who was filling in was perfect, I love her and she did a great job.  Her TDY ended Friday and the new one started Monday.  I don't like her.  She is another team member but she is the one that thinks she needs to be in charge and makes snarky little comments when she should just keep her mouth shut.  For example, Wednesday the lake manager for one of the lakes was here.  This is the lake that will host the swim portion of the ironman next year.  She made the comment that since the event is going to be staged at a leased area we wouldn't have to do anything.  The manager was like, um yeah we do, her comment back was "read your EC dear" he went right back at her about how the lease doesn't go in the middle of the lake, so we do in fact need the permit "dear".  The whole thing just gave me a sense of dread.  Then yesterday we had an award ceremony.  Part of it was to recognize the people who helped with the flood.  The team member that just came off the detail nor myself were called to accept what amounts to a participation trophy but guess who did get one....new lead.  It should upset me as much as it did but I find it highly suspicious that all of her buddies were recognized.  I said something to the organizer later and she told me to "just go up and get one, I'm sure your name was on the list but we were told you wouldn't be here"  WTF?  Again, my anxiety was glad I wasn't called up but my sense of impending dome was much stronger.  The job just went public last week and I am honestly scared that this person will get the job permanently. 

In the middle of all this Dennis sends me a text with a couple of picture of a wet kitten.  He is all the time sending me pictures of peoples animals that they encounter so I just sent him a text back and told him to bring it to me.  He text back and said that he probably was going to have to.  Dennis was at one of the boat ramps testing a motor when a car drove up, barely slowed down and threw something in the water.  It didn't take them long to realize what it was and get to the little guy.  He swam back to the shore but he was exhausted, starved, and terrified.  We are calling him Hudson because that was the lake they were on.  Anyway, Hudson went to the vet and they said he is 6-8 weeks old and 1.6 pounds.  He is very loving and playful and needs a home where there isn't an almost one year old juvenile delinquent to worry about.  I mean how do you even introduce a cat that small to an almost 40 pound puppy? 

So they get back to the shop and they found a puppy in the security fence!!  At this point I was close to rage crying.  They found a home for the puppy and I just have to believe he went to a good place or I will drive myself crazy with worry.  I can't save them all, I know that but I still worry.

So Hudson came to my house last night.  I drugged Bailey up so he wouldn't be so playful and he did ok, Truman is way to interested in him but he licks him.  Casper acts like she is scared of him and Ninja doesn't want him in the house.  I have no idea how to introduce him into the pack.  We really want to find him a home but he is having some breathing issues, probably from inhaling water from the lake.  We need to make sure he is healthy before we can get him vaccinated and into a home unless we can find a reliable foster.  People aren't knocking down our door. 

It was probably good that Dennis couldn't get to the person in time or he would be prison. 

OK, I am getting out of the office as much as possible over the next 90 days.  I'm heading  to the lake.

Last nights workout

So I am busy on a tasker right now but I wanted to come in and write up my workout from last night before I forgot.

I was running a little late because Mr. Bailey decided to play in the "pond" and I had to get him dried off.

45 seconds X3
front squat with kettle bell
kind of a squat thrust with the band instead of weights - squat to overhead shoulder press basically
lateral one leg step up - 45 for each leg

45 seconds X4
kickbacks with band hooked around foot, foot to the corner
RDL - 30 pounds (!)
glute bridge with single leg slide outs (my hamstrings hate me today)

Only one set of abs!!
90 second elbow plank (I did it!)
45 second hollow body hold

I didn't feel like I was going to throw up after but I also didn't feel like eating either.

Tomorrow will be another really busy day so I will be back on Friday, sneak peak, my aunts memorial service, Bailey turning into a juvenile delinquent, unexplained anxiety.  I know you are on the edge of your seat.

Thursday workout

I am cranky and exhausted today so I am going to try not to come off as super negative.

Overall my week has been pretty productive.  I can't remember what day it was, must have been Wednesday,
 - I got my last allergy shot of this series,.  I am now on maintenance and only have to go in once a month.
- bought new running shoes, Hoka One One Gaviota.  They are incredibly clunky and big but they seem to feel good as far as cushion goes.  I wore them to the gym yesterday and I'm not 100% sure I like them.  The store I bought them at has a 60 day return policy.  The Brooks Adrenaline were a close second but the toe box was a little short and narrow so I would have had to go up another half size.  I will get on the TM or try to get up early and do a little run to see how they do.
- Got signed up for e-coaching with JG with my questionnaire filled out and back to him to build the schedule.  I'm pretty sure he remembers most of us that he has e-coached in the past, it might very well be just a file he keeps on his computer, but he always seems to remember past issues.  It will be interesting to see what his plan is after a 4 year hiatus with very little running.  I have 8 months to train so we will see.  I anticipate the first part of that just having me walk to build up my stamina again.  I'm fine with that.

Yesterday I had planned on taking off early and getting a facial.  I signed up for a year of beauty at the med-spa I go to and you get one treatment a month and discounts on all other services.  If you don't make it a month they tack it on the end of your year.  Obviously I missed May but I had planned on going in and taking advantage of this month's service.  I was going to leave at 1:30 for my 2:00 appointment but my new boss asked me to sit in on a meeting for him because he was double booked so I stayed and sat in on the meeting.  I will go in next Friday which is kind of better anyway.

Last nights workout consisted of:
600 meter row to warm up

3X
15 TRX triceps press
30 band pull aparts
15 triceps cable rope pulldown (15 pounds)
10 (each side) single arm row (20 pounds)

3X
300 meter sprint row (less than 90 seconds)
15 Y raises on TRX
15 tri pulldown with band over TRX bar

2X
30 second straight hollow ab rocker
20 lateral plank foot tap with a crunch bonus (I thought I was going to die)

I have had to cut way back on the amount of weight I am able to lift but I have been out for almost 6 weeks.  I am still able to hang just not as heavy.  At least I'm going and not having major anxiety about it so I will call it a win.  I didn't even think about excuses to get out of if yesterday.  My arms are pretty much toast today and I fear what she has in store for my legs next week. 

BTW my trainer has started a blog at https://laurenfitter.com which I love, she also has a facebook, I think it is fitwellmindful, anyway, she is a great trainer always coming up with new and interesting ways to combine exercises and maximize time...or as I like to call it "all kinds of fresh hell to make me question my life choices". 

My heart rate has been doing something strange in that it has been pretty normal when I worked out this week.  I was kind of glad to see it shoot up during the row sprints.  I have a myzone which shows up on the screen at the gym and it must have gotten really into the red because Lauren came over to the row machine and told me to slow to 2 minutes instead of 90 seconds for the 300 meter.  I found that to be a little humorous because it is all just kinda normal for me.  I was starting to think the HRM needed charged or something.

When I got home from the gym I realized I had changed into my new running shoes in the living room and couldn't remember where I put my less than one week old pair of birks.  Well sure enough I didn't put them up very well because Bailey destroyed them.  We are trying to give him a little more freedom, normally I wait until 6 to workout and give Dennis a little time to get home from work so he doesn't have time to get in trouble but I figured having Z around might have helped him grow up a little...wrong.  I like getting to the gym at 5:30 though and getting it out of the way so I am just going to have to be better at putting things up where he can't get them.  Crating is always an option but he HATES it.  We use the crate for dinner time, we have always crated him at meal times to keep him from trying to bully Marcy into giving up her food (she isn't much of a fighter and shouldn't have to be at this point in her life) and to keep Truman with his pancreatitis and expensive hospital stays out of the rich puppy food.  Bailey will lay in his crate when he needs some down time and I don't want him to start boycotting the crate because he sees it as punishment. 

While I am on the topic of Bailey, I got his birthday party at daycare booked!!  Of course we really don't know when his birthday is but based on what we guessed his age to be when I found him and the fact that I found him on Christmas Day we decided to declare July 25 his birthday.  I had his party booked for that day but I will be out of town most of that week for the Best Friends Animal Society No More Homeless Pets conference.  I can't have is birthday party without being in town - even if we aren't going to be there,  so I moved it up to the 18th.  His daycare charge like $90 and they decorate a room, invite his closest daycare friends (Pepper, Nayla, Bisky, Owen) they make a cake and ice cream and take pictures and video.  I am so excited about it.  I may get a small cake from the dog bakery and see if they can do the smash cake since the pet photographer is so stinking expensive.  I am so glad my dogs aren't spoiled.

So the weekend will be short.  I will probably go at lunch to a shoe store close by and get a new pair of birks.  When I was at Sam's last week I saw some cheap look alikes for maybe $9.99, might be a good idea and grab a couple of pair for backups but that will have to be done on Saturday.  Sunday is the memorial for my aunt, which I am obviously not looking forward to.  They are having it at my cousin's house 3 blocks from my parents and my mom is already scheming to get 'someone' to help her go open the pool at their house.  I should suck it up and go help her but I hate how she does that.

OK lots to do.  No pictures today unless you want to see the mangled shoes.  It isn't pretty.

back to normal

Gosh, this might be a long one.  I will see if I can't focus my ADD mind enough to make it at least half way readable.

Zorro went to his new home Wednesday.  I would like to say I am over the moon for the couple that got him but I'm really not.  They are good people and seem to be very active but they have a very small backyard with a garden and asked questions like "will he dig?"  We (the rep from border collie rescue and recovery BCRR) told them that he will dig, chew the brick off the house, very well might make an attempt to take over the world if you don't keep him active and engaged.  We gave them pretty much every bad thing that you can encounter, especially with a BC - they are first time dog owners - and they still wanted him.  I know they are going to have him sleep in his crate and for some reason that breaks my heart because he slept with me and loved to cuddle.  But, again, he is a border collie and needs boundaries.  I really wish this would have worked out for me and I think I will always feel a little guilt about the situation but I got him out of the shelter and healthy enough to find a home that we could screen.  His new dad sent me a text this morning asking if I sent him the paperwork he will need to get him in obedience so at least he is trying.  I know they will love him but I'm still going to stalk their house for awhile.  

In the meantime my house is quiet, the cats are almost back to normal and Bailey loves being the center of attention again.  Truman is also much happier, the puppies played pretty rough and he felt like he needed to step in and referee which created a whole new level of stress and anxiety to my life.  Little T-Man is back to his life of leisure sitting right next to me in the recliner.  Marcy, bless her, is just Marcy.

Also on Wednesday I had an appointment with an oral surgeon.  When I had my teeth cleaned the dentist noticed white, somewhat hard, growth at the base of my tongue.  Neither him nor the OS thinks it's cancer but they don't know what it is.  I have had too many people tell me horror stories about similar situations where it did turn into cancer to not take it seriously.  I don't think it is anything serious but I would like to know what it is.  So I am going in July 3rd to have it biopsies.  I had already planned on taking July 5th off and the doctor said I would be back to work on Monday.  They will have to sedate me because of the location of the growth, I mean it is way back at the base of my tongue so it will take some maneuvering to get it out.  Dennis will really enjoy the quiet since I'm sure my mouth will be swollen and maybe talking won't be so easy.

I haven't been to the gym in well over a month.  I talked to my trainer and will start back up on Tuesday.  For some stupid reason I sent a message to my two running friends, HMF and DVM (vet friend) when they released the theme for the Little Rock Marathon...."THE 80'S" and asked them how much fun they thought that would be.  Long story short, I booked the hotel.  It isn't until 1 March so there is plenty of time to put off training.  I think I will sign up for Galloway training again since I literally haven't ran in 4 years.  I would walk it though and not feel bad about it but I still need some training.  The last time I thought I would like to start running again I felt really bad about how slow I was and decided it wasn't worth the effort but now I have friends involved and I'm the one with the gov id to get the federal rate so looks like I will suck it up and start training.  I can't decide if I'm excited or not.  I will talk to my trainer on Tuesday.

One of my dad's sister's passed away yesterday.  It wasn't unexpected but I know my dad is taking it hard.  Of the 10 kids there are only 3 left now.  They aren't having services but they will have a family get together/celebration of life party in the next few weeks.  My cousin that my parents raised is planning on coming in and I look forward to seeing her.  She is so much like my baby sister, I miss her so much and we always have a blast when she is here and I spend a ton of money doing all the things we don't normally get to do since I only see her once every few years.  In the course of notifying everyone about my aunt passing my bat shit crazy cousin that is pretty much cut off from most of the family posts something on FB about the loss to the family.  This crazy bitch literally filed an order of protection against the aunt that passed away because the aunt was asked to live with my uncle (her brother) to help take care of his infant grandson (mom in prison...that's a little bit of the crazy from that little branch of the family tree).  If I remember right BSC cousin pepper sprayed the aunt while she had the baby in her arms.  The fact that said baby is now 19 and lived with the aunt that just passed away speaks volumes about who actually cared for him.  Anyway, I was so pissed off.  I posted that my aunt's kids had asked that nothing be put out on FB because she has grandchildren in college that live away and they wanted to make sure everyone knew.  She pretty much posted back that she has no connection to any of them and wanted to ask for prayers for my other aunt.  I so wanted to put something snarky up asking if that protection order expired or something petty but I let it go.  I know she just put that up for attention.  I need to delete her but she is crazy enough that someone in our immediate family needs to keep an eye on her.  My mom and sister both have her blocked for good reason.  I could write a book on that crazy.

So on to natural disasters, lol.  I worked 45 hours in 3 days at the sandbag command center from 7pm until 7:30 am.  Thankfully the water started to recede pretty quickly after a couple of days of no rain upstream.  It was exhausting and it was way harder to come back from that shift then it was to go to that shift.  The flood was pretty devastating to the area, we got lucky and no one from my immediate family was effected.  My parents were in the path of a small tornado the Saturday before Memorial Day.  They were without power for 3 days and sustained about $10,000 (minorish) damage to their house.  Not sure how long it will take to get someone out to fix it.  The important thing is everyone is safe.

Weight loss efforts has been ok.  I am about 118 and am fine here.  I bought a pair of size 2 shorts at Old Navy.  They were on sale and Bailey was with me so I didn't try them on.  They fit but I like the 4's better as I like my jeans pretty loose.  I had planned on wearing them to Tulsa Tough but I didn't get to go with Z in the picture.  I hope I can still wear them next year.  OH, in totality unrelated news they announced that there is going to be an Ironman in Tulsa next year, I am way too excited for someone that has no aspirations to ever participate in an IM.  I will either volunteer or see if the lake office needs me to help them because it is going to be HUGE.  Did you know it cost a minimum of like $700 for registration fees?

I haven't updated on A in awhile and that is mostly because he is doing really well.  HMF got a new job with a nice salary and her husband quit his job to be a stay at home dad.  Although this has been a little confusing for A, which can cause some behavioral issues, he is handling it pretty well.  HMF is super stressed as the only income for the family but I think she will feel a little better when thing settle down.  A has discovered hockey and he is a natural.  He tried out for a competitive team and made it (he has only been skating since Christmas) and it has done so much for his self esteem.  This is another source of stress for HMF because it is super expensive.  For one season it is around $5,000.  She started a gofundme, which I am generally not a fan of but in this case I sent them what money I could afford.  I am pretty sure his grandparents will make sure he has the money to get on the team but I want to make sure and do my part.  I am kind of looking forward to watching him play in August.  I will continue to help support however I can because I know it means a lot to A.

I have more but I think I will end it here and not bore you to tears.  I will add all the pictures to the bottom of my sandbag days, tornado damage and Zorro/Bailey.

Tornado damage to my parent's house

my time at the sandbag yard.  I made one sandbag as I really was doing logistics but they wanted the photo op.

one of the calmer moments with the dynamic dou Bailey looks so tiny

Zorro's last sleep at my house

on the way to daycare this morning listening to me tell him about the birthday party he is going to have next month.

 

Keystone Dam with Bailey.  This is the release that was causing flooding problems downstream in the immediate area (at no fault off COE)

Foster guilt

So I kind of feel like I was manipulated into taking on another dog.  Don't get me wrong, I pretty much love all dogs...if you have a dog I love it even if I have never met it and I always want to see pictures.  But I digress.  Anyway, this amazing fluff was adorable and everyone said he was amazing. His write up said that he was very unpuppylike, smart, good with dogs and ignores cats.  This was his write up:

“This is the dog who was found at the Feeding the Pets of Tulsa’s Homeless Pets Thursday events. He is 8 months old, 42lbs and as calm and happy and easy going as they come. Unphased by being in the shelter. Quick learner easy to correct and listens and learns. Loves other dogs and had his face in the 120lb pits face at the even and wanting to play. LOVES children. Ignores cats. He almost has the BC personality but without the hyper energy. If you any anyone this pup is wonderful! Susan had him leashed sitting with her just so he wouldn’t wander. He laid there with her for over an hour, calm and happy just to be with her. The most unpuppy. He loves to play with toys but doesn’t fetch. Would be a good companion dog to a dog or a human.  Very nice boy.”

  He instantly caught my attention.  He was adopted so we were all happy to see him go to a home.  That was on a Friday and he was returned to the shelter on Saturday.  All shelters are different and this one doesn't give a lot of chances to dogs that are returned.  I told my friend that works with TAW that I would go get him Tuesday when I got off work if he was still there.  So Tuesday about 10 I start getting messages from some of the volunteers that pull for other groups (not my friend that I have worked with for Cookie and Marty, she just lost a dog and is taking a step back ) that he was not going to be put up for adoption and the shelter was going to put him on the next available transport no matter where it was going - keep in mind we are having historical flood events and tornadoes.   They ask if they could get him to me if I would be able to pick him up any earlier.  Well, I was teleworking that day and had just left my house, with Bailey, to get something to eat a little before 11.  They told me to come get him right then, even though the shelter isn't open until noon if I could and they would get him to me because he was critical.  Looking back the whole thing is just fishy and I should have stuck to my guns about waiting.  My thought process was that I would give someone with less going on their life a chance to adopt him before I took him in and this just blew that idea out of the water.  Anyway, I get him and they literally have me drive to the back get Bailey out of the car and let them kind of meet, put him in the backseat and with his shot records and wish us the best of luck.  I was instantly in love with those green eyes but the whole thing felt odd and I didn't have a chance to process any of it. 

So I get them home.  Bailey is ok with him but Truman is pissed(not unusual).  Marcy was just completely aggravated that we had the nerve to upset her little universe yet again.  Then he saw the cats.  I can assure you he does not ignore cats.  We have one bedroom blocked off so the cats have a safe space to get away from Bailey.  That really isn't an issue anymore but I think it makes them feel safe since they were feral.  So Zorro (we decided to name him Zorro btw) saw the cats and chased them into that room, cleared the barricade and jumped up on the dresser to try and get to the kittens.  They were terrified and Zorro was not giving up easy.  I know you have to give it some time but I totally wasn't expecting this since they said he was good with cats.  The cats hid all night and Zorro would have bouts of extreme curiosity and go off in search of them.  Bailey was jealous but ok. 

Zorro isn't allowed at Bailey's daycare because they require a two week isolation after they are adopted from the shelter.  We did crate him for a short time but I am not about to lock him up for over 8 hours when we don't know what his history is with crating.  We we were also not about to leave him in the house.  So Dennis took Bailey to his daycare and I took Zorro to the vet/daycare where he can be put in isolation with some outside time (we figure he has kennel cough).  I get to work and I start to almost have a panic attack because I finally have a few minutes to think about what all has happened.  I sent the lady that pulled Z a text and told her that he most definitely does not ignore cats, to which I was told to just give it time.  I also start to have extreme mom guilt about having to divide my attention away from Bailey.  I pretty much have to fight off tears and I seriously start to regret taking him home.  Of course I won't take him back to the kill shelter, but I decided this has to be a foster situation.  I contact the lady again and she tries to guilt me into changing my mind.  She told me that if I just keep him they will write it off and there is no adoption fees, they will just call him mine (I'm beginning to think she low key stole him).  She contacted the president of the border collie rescue and they tell me that if they list him and I change my mind and decide to keep him it will cost me $300 and they will have to go through the process of approving me as a foster (the dog has been in my house for 24 hours at this point) or I can just keep him.  I tell her I can live with that, list him and if I can't find him the perfect home than I know he is meant to be mine.  She isn't happy about it and repeatedly tell me that I really need to give him more time to acclimate to the cats, in the meantime he is trying to jump up on the kitchen table and cabinets to get to Ninja and Casper has all but disappeared outside.  Bailey is showing a little food aggression (I can work with that) and my guild and anxiety level is through the roof. 

About lunchtime my boss comes to me and asks if I want to work in the emergency ops center.  I tell him absolutely.  I will be working 7:00pm - 7:30am until the water starts to go down in the levees and we feel we can comfortably stop the sand bag operation and pull the pumps... could be a few days, could be 2 weeks.   I think this will work out great because Dennis can be home with them at night and I can be there during the day and we can try and make the transition.  I had some equipment I had to be fitted for and they sent me to have that done and told me to just go home and try to get ready to start working the opposite schedule of what I am used to.  I get that done, go get the boys and go home.  Ninja is teasing Z but Casper had completely disappeared at this point.  I sent the lady another text and told her that I did, in fact, want to list Zorro as a foster and would be more than willing to do whatever it takes but that I was going to have very limited time to get them what they needed.  She tried to guilt me into keeping him again and I told her that I had filled out the paperwork and was sending it to them that day.

So I took a nap when I got home and stayed up all that night and had to leash Zorro to keep him from chasing Ninja.  After several hours of that and a few more tears of stress and frustration I just put Ninja outside.  No sight of Casper. 

When I got home on Saturday morning there was Casper laying out on my deck!!!  I sneak out there and talk to her.  She isn't about to come in the house and she won't stick around if she thinks Zorro is going to be outside, but she talked to me and let me scratch her.  She is back to not letting me pick her up but I am fine with that for now. 

So it is almost a week later and Zorro still tries to climb up on the cabinets after Ninja and jumps the gate to the spare bedroom.  When I let him outside he runs to where he knows the cats run off to and tries to find them. 

We are not the right fit for this dog.  I am about to cry just saying that.  I love him  he is a cuddle bunny and he loves and trusts me completely.  I have overwhelming guilt about this, about taking time from Bailey and about making my cats feel uncomfortable.  No matter what I do I'm the asshole.

The lady that I have been working with send me a text asking me questions about why Marcy's vaccinations are late (we had to send all the vet information stuff in when we signed for the foster program).  I told her that Marcy is terminal and that was the vets decision, I wasn't sure why they wouldn't explain that to her.  She said "well they were very busy"  She then asked me to set up a time to factime her and show me the areas that Zorro hangs out.  I pretty much lost it at this point.  I told her that with my work schedule I have about 8 hours to shower, sleep, do laundry, and play with the dogs.  Zorro had been in my house and safe for a few days and I didn't have time to deal with that.  I had sent her several pictures as well as the pictures on facebook and if that wasn't sufficient then they should probably just pull him from my house and find a better foster home for him.  She ended up agreeing with me and telling me he is fine where he is, duh.  I mean she didn't ask for an ID when I picked him up just went off the fact that I am friends with some pretty serious rescue people on FB.

Yesterday as I'm getting home from work and taking my ambien to get to sleep the EOC calls and tells me that they are pulling all the pumps and that I am no longer needed to work overnights TYJ but could continue to work days if I just wanted to.  I told them that we have two people out of the office this week and I will be fine going back to my normal life of short 8 hour work days.  Dennis had to drive me to the office to turn in some of the stuff because I had taken my meds and flood watch was officially over.  We stopped for lunch on our way back to the house and HMF sends me a text telling me that there were 3 people from dog school who wanted to adopt Zorro and had inquired before they contacted me and they told them he was not available.  So I fell very manipulated and I am very upset for the poor dog who will be uprooted from a human he loves and trusts.  Keeping him really isn't an option because even though I am not a cat person, I refuse to put them in harms way.  Do I think he will hurt them?  not intentionally but I can't take that chance and I don't have the patience or knowledge to train him to accept cats nor do I know how to train a semi feral cat to stop running and he may stop chasing you. 

The whole thing is pretty upsetting.  I feel like a horrible person on so many different levels.  I love this dog but I hate the position they put us in.  This could have all been avoided and he could have gone to some experienced dog handlers. 

In other news, my parents house sustain minor damage from the tornado before memorial day.  I will post about that later I am emotionally drained from this post. 

Here are a few more pictures.

My first official sandbag.