Ain't this some shit

If you are wondering why I'm spiraling right now, this is the bullshit I get in my inbox on the daily now.  

    1.  fuck them

     2.  I am not replying to the email as it isn't even coded correctly in accordance with our regs - not encrypted or marked with the security level.  

    3.  What's in it for me?

During the first week of his administration, President Trump issued a number of directives concerning the federal workforce. Among those directives, the President required that employees return to in-person work, restored accountability for employees who have policy-making authority, restored accountability for senior career executives, and reformed the federal hiring process to focus on merit. As a result of the above orders, the reform of the federal workforce will be significant.

The reformed federal workforce will be built around four pillars:

1)	Return to Office: The substantial majority of federal employees who have been working remotely since Covid will be required to return to their physical offices five days a week. Going forward, we also expect our physical offices to undergo meaningful consolidation and divestitures, potentially resulting in physical office relocations for a number of federal workers.
2)	Performance culture: The federal workforce should be comprised of the best America has to offer. We will insist on excellence at every level — our performance standards will be updated to reward and promote those that exceed expectations and address in a fair and open way those who do not meet the high standards which the taxpayers of this country have a right to demand.
3)	More streamlined and flexible workforce: While a few agencies and even branches of the military are likely to see increases in the size of their workforce, the majority of federal agencies are likely to be downsized through restructurings, realignments, and reductions in force. These actions are likely to include the use of furloughs and the reclassification to at-will status for a substantial number of federal employees.
4)	Enhanced standards of conduct: The federal workforce should be comprised of employees who are reliable, loyal, trustworthy, and who strive for excellence in their daily work. Employees will be subject to enhanced standards of suitability and conduct as we move forward. Employees who engage in unlawful behavior or other misconduct will be prioritized for appropriate investigation and discipline, including termination.

Each of the pillars outlined above will be pursued in accordance with applicable law, consistent with your agency's policies, and to the extent permitted under relevant collective-bargaining agreements.

If you choose to remain in your current position, we thank you for your renewed focus on serving the American people to the best of your abilities and look forward to working together as part of an improved federal workforce. At this time, we cannot give you full assurance regarding the certainty of your position or agency but should your position be eliminated you will be treated with dignity and will be afforded the protections in place for such positions.

If you choose not to continue in your current role in the federal workforce, we thank you for your service to your country and you will be provided with a dignified, fair departure from the federal government utilizing a deferred resignation program. This program begins effective January 28 and is available to all federal employees until February 6. If you resign under this program, you will retain all pay and benefits regardless of your daily workload and will be exempted from all applicable in-person work requirements until September 30, 2025 (or earlier if you choose to accelerate your resignation for any reason). The details of this separation plan can be found below.

Whichever path you choose, we thank you for your service to The United States of America.

*********************************************************************

Upon review of the below deferred resignation letter, if you wish to resign:

1)	Select “Reply” to this email. You must reply from your government account. A reply from an account other than your government account will not be accepted.
2)	Type the word “Resign” into the body of this reply email. Hit “Send”.

THE LAST DAY TO ACCEPT THE DEFERRED RESIGNATION PROGRAM IS FEBRUARY 6, 2025.

Deferred resignation is available to all full-time federal employees except for military personnel of the armed forces, employees of the U.S. Postal Service, those in positions related to immigration enforcement and national security, and those in any other positions specifically excluded by your employing agency.

Scurvy

 Unexpectedly got my last test result back from the doctor last week.  I assumed since I hadn’t heard anything it was all good, but apparently, they retested it because it was unexpected.  Turns out I have no detectable vitamin C.  They have me taking 1000 mg of vit C along with what is in my multi-vitamin that I take.  I will be retested in 6 weeks to see if we need to do something else.  I am starting to think I need to call the gastro and see if I need to have another scope done to see if there are absorption issues.  I hate taking vitamins because they are so big and the liquid and gummies taste terrible.  I don’t want to be the statistic that gets scurvy so I will suck it up.  Dennis went to the grocery store and bought a huge bag of oranges, lol.

 

I do feel like I am spiraling a little.  I sent my therapist a message to see if I can get a sanity check.  I have an appointment Feb 6, looks like I’m not the only one.  I haven’t been to see here since before Christmas and we talked then about how we would probably be seeing each other after the election.  I do feel like my coping skills have gotten better but a check in every now and again is probably warranted.  I am going to try and lay the groundwork for reasonable accommodations once the return to work 5 days a week order is put in place, so I probably need to get that started.  Not sure if she would be able to do that or if she can get that done, if my medical doctor would do it with all my health issues or if I need to get a referral to a psychiatrist.  Whatever it takes.  I have already asked to switch work areas with a co-worker to show I am trying to help myself.  I also need to talk to our EEO person to see what she can do to help.  She is a little on the cray side, and not in a good way, so I try to avoid that office as much as possible.  She wears me out.

 

I have been having the strangest dreams lastly.  I had one that the gate attendant that I befriended when I was a baby ranger died, and I went to his house to sit with his family.  It isn’t out of the realm of possibility because he is in his 90’s and is showing signs of dementia but it really bummed me out for the day when I woke up and had to check my messages to see if he was ok.  Last night I had a dream that a few of the fingers on my left hand were numb and swollen and I ran into a doctor in our office, and they did x-rays on the copy machine.  When I woke up two of my fingers were in fact really swollen but that is not unusual.  Then there was the dream that I shit the bed, I assure you it was, in fact, just a dream.  Oh, and the one where I moved to a ran down apartment and there were puppies hiding in the walls and we had to knock down most of the apartment to rescue them.  They were everywhere.  And I wonder why I am exhausted when I wake up.  I have always had really vivid dreams, but it seems they have been really bad this week. 

 

Friday, I took off work to get my hair done.  I told her I needed some kind of change, so she cut it above the shoulders and faded out the color a little.  We have a plan for the color but it needs to fade a little more so it will be March before we make that change.  It always takes forever to get my hair done.  I got there at 10 and my stomach started growling as she was rinsing the first process out.  She said that the people who own their building was bringing in food for them as a belated Christmas lunch thing.  When we got to a stopping point there were 2 huge pans of lasagna and chicken fettucine and an amazing salad from a local place.  Hayley said there was so much food they told them to let their guests eat so we sat and ate.  It was a good day.  It is taking a little getting used to with my shorter hair, but I like it. 

Saturday, I ran a few errands, picking up groceries and such.  I am holding strong to my spending cutbacks.  However, I needed to charge something on my Dillard’s card, or they were going to close the account.  I have worked really hard on my credit score, and I really don’t want to take a hit, so I bought a few things at the outlet center.  I really had to search for something too because nothing just jumped out at me. 

 

Speaking of spending, I am probably going to have a minor setback.  I have a meeting in Pittsburg in March and my sister wants to meet me in NYC the weekend after.  The hotels aren’t as expensive as I expected, and I have a credit for American Airlines.  I want to see Death Becomes Her and Barbie wants to see Sunset Boulevard.  Most of the contracts for The Outsiders expire later that month so we kind of want to see it again with most of the OBC.    We could probably get tickets through TDF cheaper than through the box office, so I have my eye out.  We haven’t booked anything yet, but we are looking for deals.  I am ready to move to the East Coast.

 

Saturday night HMF and I went out to eat and to see Les Mis.  Honestly that was the show I was least looking forward to, but it was really good.  Not my favorite storyline but the vocals were amazing.  We decided to branch out and try something different for dinner.  We went to a place called Hole Mole and had great food and a very strong margarita.  I would for sure go back there.  The next show is Clue and I think that will be fun.  We got tickets for another touring show, Addam’s Family through a different touring group that is going to be at a different performing arts center next month.  I am interested in seeing how that plays out.  I got the tickets for HMF for Christmas, the show is mid-February on a Thursday night.  The show itself is supposed to be fun so we will see.

 

Sunday, I went to my mom’s.  My sister was there, and I took them out to lunch.  That was pretty much all I did that day.  The existential dread for the workweek hit hard. 

 

I am looking forward to the weekend.  I am taking off work on Friday and meeting Brooke in Dallas to see & Juliet.  We have a few things planned, going to the Fluevog store, visiting Meow Wolf, maybe getting the matching tattoos we have been talking about for years.  We are staying Thursday and Friday night, we will probably wish we stayed Saturday night too but Brooke is in Dallas now for a meeting and I know she will want to have a day at home to decompress. 

 

Work is about to pop off and I really should be getting my slide deck ready for several training sessions that start next week.  Ugh. 

Moody Monday on a Tuesday

 

I am on the struggle bus this morning in a major way. It’s freezing in the office—I’ve got my heater on, a blanket wrapped around me, and I’m still shivering. My hands feel like icicles. This morning, I woke up to an unexpected snowfall and a wind chill of -3. Fantastic.

I’m in a funk, and while I’m trying not to let it get to me, it’s been tough. First and foremost, Bailey bit someone. Again. Dennis has been working with him, walking him every day, and he was making so much progress. I even got him a little leash sign that says, “Reactive Dog – Please Do Not Approach.” Apparently, no one reads it.

Dennis said he had his back turned and didn’t hear an older lady walk up to pet Bailey. Bai was like, “NOPE,” and grabbed her hand. She didn’t ask for his name, shot records, or anything—she just left the park after Dennis apologized profusely. Poor Bai knew he messed up; he was mopey the rest of the day and didn’t even ask for a walk the next morning. But now he’s back to begging for his walks, and I’ve decided: no more. I just can’t risk anything happening.

He’s confused and upset, which makes me feel awful, but this is the fourth person he’s bitten. I think we have to accept that he’ll need to get his exercise in the backyard from now on. It breaks my heart because he loves his walkies. All three of us—me, Dennis, and Bailey—were pretty upset about it.

On top of all that, the girls’ trip to Dallas is next week, and I’m starting to second-guess my decisions there too. Three adult women in one hotel room? Not fun. Brooke and Linda have never even met, so that’s going to be… interesting. Brooke has at least helped with some of the planning, but Linda? She’s done absolutely nothing—and she’s local!

Yesterday, I gave up on the hotel idea and rented an Airbnb. I sent the address to both of them last night. Brooke responded with a simple “cool,” but Linda, of course, had something to say. She texted me this morning claiming the Airbnb is in one of the highest crime areas in Dallas and reminded me we’d talked about staying in a hotel.

At this point, I’m ready to hand the reins over. I’m going to tell her that if she can find something better, I’m happy to change the plans—but honestly, I’d probably say more than that if I tried to reply right now. If you’re going to complain, then you find the accommodations. This trip has been in the works for almost a year! The show is January 31, so someone had to step up and make a decision.

I still want to go, and I know Brooke and I will have fun, but I’m starting to regret inviting Linda. If she didn’t live in the DFW area, I wouldn’t have even thought about including her. Lesson learned—I’m done planning trips like this. Hopefully, it doesn’t turn into a complete nightmare. 

Not much going on, as usual. My no-eating-out streak came to a screeching halt last week. There’s this random hole-in-the-wall Tex-Mex place with 55-cent margaritas on the 15th of each month, so Dennis and I went there. They have a two-drink limit per person. Sometimes Dennis orders two and I order two, but I was done after my two. They’re not strong, but since I don’t drink much, it was enough to help me sleep that night. Dennis even brought his water bottle in case I wanted to take his to-go, lol.

On Saturday, I had to do a Costco run to get food for the cats. Those guys eat so much—it feels like their food bowl is always empty! While I was out, I made a few stops for groceries and grabbed lunch. Other than that, I didn’t accomplish much, but at least I got food prepped for lunches. I’ve been doing better on that front lately. My current lunch obsession is honey-glazed turkey breast with American cheese sandwiches. The hardest part? Trying to eat or make a sandwich when Mango’s around. He will literally try to knock it out of my hand to eat it. He’s lucky he’s so stinking cute. I decided it’s easier to make a few sandwiches ahead of time and bring them in, so I only have to fight him once instead of every morning. Now I’m set for the rest of the week. He’s such a brat.

Sunday was a bit more fun. I went to get my nails done—just a simple polish, nothing fancy this time. There’s a pizza place a few doors down that I’ve heard great things about, and let me tell you, it did not disappoint! I got half red sauce with mozzarella, pepperoni, sausage, green peppers, and mushrooms, and the other half with olive oil, mozzarella, fresh garlic, oregano, Parmesan, feta, and grilled chicken. It might be the best pizza I’ve ever had. We polished it off—it was soooo good.

It was also National Popcorn Day, and one of the local movie theaters had a promo: fill your own bucket for $5. I’m a sucker for movie popcorn, so I grabbed an old Tidy Cat pail, bleached it out, and filled it up. Now I have popcorn for days.

Since I had Monday off, my mom wanted to meet for lunch, so me, her and Heather went to a hole-in-the-wall diner. Big mistake. They had the chaos from D.C. on TV, and the table next to us was making loud comments. Naturally, I felt the need to make loud comments back. I was wearing a sweatshirt that said, “Do something today that makes a mediocre white man angry.” When they started calling Biden senile, I waited a few minutes and then asked my mom if they’d need to take a break to change the orange idiot’s diaper. Things got a bit quieter after that. My food came out burnt, which my mom pointed out as a "see" moment, but I said something, and they took it off the bill. I wasn’t very hungry by then anyway.

After lunch, we went to Trader Joe’s to finish grocery shopping. I thought it would be less busy since it was a weekday and a holiday, but I was wrong—it’s always packed.  Heather is talking about doing a spooky photoshoot. We need to find a good location and plan costumes. She mentioned she’s been building up her photography business, which was great to hear. She’s pretty good at marketing herself but was annoyed about the TikTok ban since she uses it a lot for work. She said it hasn’t been the same since the blackout period, and I told her to buckle up because I feel like more changes are coming.

Not sure what this week will bring. I’m taking Friday afternoon off to get my hair done. I want to talk to my stylist about doing something different—I just feel like I need a change. I still haven’t gotten my gym access turned back on yet. I’ll take care of that tomorrow if I go in. We’re supposed to have a meeting, but honestly, I’m tempted to call in sick cause I'm sick of this place.

rambles

 I don't have much to say but I am not ready to start working so here I am.  

Yesterday was my rheumatology check up.  I don't weigh myself anymore because it turns into a thing so I was a little anxious about what I would see.  It was 102 and some change.  I was shocked as I feel like I have been eating a lot lately.  Dennis said that he thinks that my perception of 'a lot' is skewed.  I have become addicted to plain milk chocolate snack sized bars.  I couldn't tell you how many I eat in a day.  It is my vice.  I keep swearing I wasn't going to buy another bag and somehow it just ends up in my cart.  Anywho, the doctor said that my hands looked ok, he could feel the creaking in my thumb but said that he would refer me to a hand surgeon to get a shot because hands are very complex to try and give a shot in.  I told him that I can deal with the pain as long as I don't lose my grip strength, if/when that happens I will get back with them.  He had me do bloodwork, which is my least favorite part.  I told them at the lab that I'm a passer outer so they put me in the room with the table.  The girl that did the draw was amazing.  She started with the butterfly, which they rarely do and only stuck me once!  Normally they try a regular needle, blow a vein, move to a different vein, get nothing, change arms before they get it out of a juicy vein on the side of my forearm.  I got this ladies name because I will come when she is on schedule.  I got some of the results back yesterday afternoon and my sed rate is up and my Vit D is low, which could be why my motivation to do anything has been nil and my head has been killing me.  He ordered a Vit C test too but it hasn't come in yet.  I will go to TJ's this weekend and get some D3 as per his instructions.  I imagine I will need C too so I will wait and see what the lab says.  The doctor seemed a lot more thorough this time, he is normally really rushed.  I usually prefer to see his PA because he is a lot more personable and seems to have a bit more time.  There are a very limited number of rheumatologist here so I imagine he is always busy.  

I looked up the requirements for VSIP/VERA yesterday (our early retirement buyout system) if jackass does go through with the reduction in workforce I would qualify but they only give $25-50K.  That won't be enough for me to even think about it.  At 53 I have way too long to go before I can access any kind of real retirement without taking a huge hit, that won't cut it.  I did sign up for a retirement seminar April 2.  Dennis keeps telling me I need to wait until I am 60 to retire but I tell him 58 and I'm out if I am not in jail by then.  We will have to see what happens though because I might not have a choice depending on my TSP account.  We also talked about him getting his SS started since he turned 62 last year.  I know he would probably get more money if he waited but since he isn't working and is worried about getting some kind of income I think it's a no brainer.  His back problems are bad enough that he has to get an ablation every 2 or 3 month, takes 2 different pain meds daily and he had a stroke several years ago that effected his processing so he should see about disability too.  He is reluctant but what does he have to lose?  I am not sure what he will do.  He is on my insurance but he might be better off using medicare, I think the one my mom uses pays more than mine.  I haven't pushed him on it because I don't want him to think I want him off my insurance, I really don't care that much.  However, if he does drop off, I might switch to a lower tier.  

Work is always an issue.  Well, not work so much as AP.  It is budget season and the office is LOUD with people in for various meetings.  I made the comment yesterday that I was having a hard time concentrating over the noise even with my headphones in.   Her reaction was to talk about how wonderful it is to have a full office again and how she was so happy to have people back.  She must have a terrible home life, that's all I can think.  However, I have noticed that she is either in someone's office talking, has someone in her office, or is on the phone (meeting or chatting, is anyone's guess) so work is her social time.  Plus it makes her feel important.  She made the comment to me that I was just going to have to adjust to the noise again.  No bitch, I think I am going to try and get my doctor to do a reasonable accommodation for my ADD instead.  I think I am going to talk to our deputy and see if I can move my work area to where I am not right outside a busy conference room.  I'm not sure where they would put me but it isn't my problem. She also sent me a message asking me what my telework days were this week.  I told her Monday and Friday because she wants to have one on one meeting with everyone 😡😒and she set mine for Thursday, which is when I normally telework.  We have a ranger trainee in the office this month and she is looking for someone to 'take' her Friday.  I told her I switched my days because of the meeting and just left it at that.  If it is that important to her she can reschedule our pointless meeting.  

I asked our emergency management office about LA and right now they have 4 people there and that is all they are sending for now.  I have a feeling they might get a debris mission once everything has settled depending on the jackass and his ego trips since he didn't win in CA I can see him limiting and/or delaying aid.  God I am not looking forward to the next 4 years.  Maybe Denmark will win the war, lol.

I'm really not sure what all this week has in store.  Maybe getting my Vit D regulated will help with my laziness a little. I just don't want to do anything.  I need to find a website or get a virtual training program started and take advantage of our fitness program but I just can't even be bothered with that.  Speaking of, I need to go to our security office and sign the release for the gym so I can get my access back.  They did away with access during covid and I just never got mine reactivated because gyms gave me the ick after.  I am also trying to find a good budgeting app to help me maximize my TSP contributions and balance my accounts a little better.  I need to take money out of my checking and put it into my CU savings but I am always afraid I will need it.  Not that I can't do transfers.  I am not good when it comes to finances and if I could get someone to just take it all the way over and give me a lump sum every 2 weeks that I can spend I would be so much better off.  

Signing off with my OOTD from yesterday.  I got so many compliments on it and Brooke wanted to see so I did an elevator selfie.  I had no intentions of being that matchy but the shoes were perfect for that dress.  

Ignore the hair, I’m going in next Friday to get it touched up 

Snow Day!!!

 We got 5 glorious inches of snow!  It is a really pretty snow too!  I can't wait to take Bai for a walk in it later.  It really makes me miss Libby and Cookie.  They would have refused to come inside.  I miss those girls so much.

I am slowly trying to get back into the work routine but AP isn't making it easy.  We had a meeting on Tuesday where she told us we need to watch the weather and if it looks like we may get snow towards the end of the week we need to plan on coming into the office early in the week so we can make sure and get our 2 days in.  Yeah, that ain't happening.  If the Col hadn't sent out an email calling for max telework today she would have expected us to be there.  Just nope.  She always tries to come in hot and heavy in the new year until she realizes she can't break me.  The one co-worker I get along with has been doing a temp assignment for several months and came back this week.  I had her come with me to an onsite visit to the zoo to meet with the even staff and make sure we have a plan for pepper spray training and stuff.  We got the chance to catch up, that was nice.  We went to our favorite place for lunch and had a decent time.  Her husband works with the corps too and he came over to talk to her and I was mouthing, they were all worried that she could hear me.  I told them it was cute how they think I care.  I am signed up for a retirement seminar in April.  I ran some numbers and it might be possible for me to retire in 5 years with 70% of my income, it depends on what the next few years bring.   

Since we are pseudo military they have an EO that gave us the option to take an hour 2 or 3 times a week to workout.  It is a pain in the ass but it would give me an hour of excused reason to be away from my desk.  We have a decent 'gym' and a room that is locked with a keypad.  I haven't used it since we came back from COVID because gyms gave me the ick.  I need to look up the EO and see the details because there is a limit on how many hours you can take a year.  I am trying to decided if I want to just try and find a program on my own or get a virtual trainer.  I am literally throwing money and time away but not using this.  I just need to come up with a game plan.  I guess I could just go take a nap in the locked room, lol.

I somehow managed to lose my cell phone.  I looked everywhere but no clue.  Of course the battery died so I couldn't ping it.  I ordered an insurance replacement and got a notification that there is a weather delay on delivery and they couldn't give me an estimate.  I finally had enough and went to the store yesterday and just got a replacement.  My friend that works there put me in an Iphone 16 and it is so much different.  There is a separate button for the camera.  It is going to take a lot of getting used to.  

When I found out what day we were going to be off for the day of mourning I invited my sisters, Heather and my mom to meet up ad my favorite hole in the wall iconic diner.  Neither of my sisters had been but Heather and I love this place.  It is a buffeteria so they have a very limited menu and you go through and tell them what you want, Furr's and Luby's style.  They have the best chicken fried steak in the state (imo) but I only eat there like once a year, usually when Heather is in town.  They are only open during the week until 2 so that saves me from gaining 100 pounds.  The mac and cheese is always good but I swear this time it was even better. Barbie even got some to take home with her.  SOOO GOOD.  This place has been around for decades so I have no clue how they had never been.  It started snowing when we got there so maybe the comfort food hit better?

I haven't heard anything about an LA mission.  Jason would get first dibs but if we have to fly, which I am pretty certain we would have to, he won't go.  

Eating out has been much better lately.  I got a new air fryer and it works so much better than my old one.  I am impressed so far.  I have made several thing in it that I wouldn't have made in my old one because it just didn't heat evenly.

Today is dance but I just can't seem to get the motivation together to go.  I always have fun and swear I am going to go back regularly when I do go but for some reason I just can't seem to get my ass in gear to actually get out of the house.  I am already making excuses to not go tonight.  I told myself when they changed the time to 6 I would go more regularly.  Leaving my house is just not something I aspire to do.

Reality

 Ugh, I lost my personal cell phone and I am about to go insane looking for it.  I went ahead and filed an insurance claim just in case, $200 for a replacement but if I do find it before I get the new one I can cancel the order.  I guess I didn’t set up the find my when I got the replacement phone because it isn’t showing up, the battery is dead so my watch won’t ping.  I have used a tile for years and it shows it’s in my house but since the phone is dead that isn’t helping either.  UGH.  

Snot production has gone down considerably, finally. My eyes are still itchy and I am still snotty, just not as bad.  I no longer hear myself echo.  Looking back it’s hard to believe this time last year I really thought I was going to die.  It seems like I am sick this time every year but at least this year I am not in the hospital.  I would almost choose the hospital over the office though.  I am not at all happy about going back there tomorrow.

I was feeling better on Thursday so I called Brooke and asked if she had anything planned the next day, if not we should meet half way in Fort Smith and hang out.  We almost changed our minds about Fort Smith and go to Bentonville instead but she would have had to leave at 7:30.  I figured it doesn’t really matter because we would probably meet up for lunch/drinks and just walk around no matter where we went.  We both underestimated how small of a town Fort Smith is.  We originally agreed on a brewery but it was in the middle of nowhere (5 miles outside of downtown) and closed until noon.  We parked her car at the mall and found a Latin place, Ronando’s, that turned out to be pretty good.  We both got a margarita flight and ate chips and queso and lingered over lunch.  They weren’t busy so we didn’t feel too bad about hogging a table.  She just got back from deployment and we hadn’t really seen each other in over a year.  She dropped a few bombs on me, some of which I knew a little bit about but didn’t know the details.  I know she has been considering separating with her husband and I have been supportive of whatever decision she makes.  However, turns out she been wilding while she was gone and making really bad decisions.  There were apps involved and some dude who she met up with that ‘just clicked’ with her.  I told her before she started that she knows I am a skeptic and believe that 99.9% of the things stranger who are trying to get laid will tell her are just trying to manipulate you.  Of course this was different and they talk about everything and he checks up on her, blah, blah blah.  I know my eyes were rolling right out my head.  Turns out ole dude is not only married but has 3 kids, the youngest of which is 4.  This is where my bitch came out.  I told her that I get blowing up your life, hell let him blow up his but those kids don’t deserve it. He texted her several times while we were out and she thought it was so sweet, I thought it was manipulative and controlling.  At one point we were walking around and she stopped to send a text and I kind of low key went off and said that if the roles were reversed and I was talking to some guy who kept sending texts while we were hanging what she would think keeping in mind she saw him 2 weeks ago and hasn’t seen me in a year?  She showed me the last message she sent him and the response and it was a snap of a picture of both of us doing a stupid pose and he made a comment about blah blah, you 2 gorgeous women blah blah.  Cue eye roll.  I just can’t with that.  At one point she said that he told her he was afraid he was a terrible dad and I told her that he absolutely was a terrible dad.  She looked at me like I slapped her and I said he is teaching his 4 year old daughter how to be treated and it is bullshit.  At the end of the day, they are both adults and they are going to do whatever they want.  I am nothing if not loyal and I told her if she went home and went stabby on her family I would show up to prison and ask her what they did to deserve it but to leave this shit alone and let it go unless she was ready to break 3 young kids hearts and lives apart.  Believe it or not there is a lot more to the story and more layers but I advised her to just walk away now.  Will she take my advise, no.  I feel like I need to go see my therapist to make sure I wasn’t too harsh.  

Despite the heavy conversation, we had a lot of fun.  

She had found a cider that she thought I would like so after hours of shopping we went in search of a place that had it on tap.  The tap room was about an hour away so we didn’t think it would be hard to find but dear lord that town.  We started at the world’s smallest brewery, it turned out to be a satellite of a bigger place in Bentonville so it didn’t have much and very little in the way of liquor even.  Brooke got a stout and they gave us the name of another place to try.  Neither one of us could figure out where it was so we found another place called Prohibition that looked neat.  It was not.  They had even less than the last place.  The place we were looking for initially turned out to be in a warehouse a block away so we just walked over there.  The website said they had Black Apple Cider so we walked over there.  Did they have it? Nope.  I didn’t want a mixed drink because I was going to have to drive 2 hours home so I settled on a green apple sour with a caramel rim.  It sounded sweeter than it was and I liked it a lot more than I thought I would.  

Saturday was the last warmer day we were going to have in awhile so I set out to stock up on a few groceries.  Heather called and was in town doing a shoot so I met up with her for lunch.  That girl is a whole mess.  Between her food allergies and whatever food she is avoiding (currently chicken and anything in plastic) for…reasons? she is impossible to go eat with.  I suggested the food hall, Mother Road Market and she found exactly one place she could eat at.  She tried to tell me what her issue was with chicken but I just looked her in the eye and dipped my chicken tender in comeback sauce and took a bite.  I guess her networking is paying off because one of the shop owners recognized her and invited her to a vendor event for the wedding industry.  Right now we are in the middle of looking for a haunted looking place to take Halloween type pictures.  It’s almost too late to do any kind of valentine shoots.  I told her she should do a galentine event with a group of girls but I’m not the right kind of person to help with marketing so I don’t know if it would actually be something anyone would actually do.  I have tons of gorgeous 20 something friends who would be amazing models but she kind of needs one that are willing to pay, lol.

After a late lunch I went to the grocery store and guess what I found, Black Apple cider in cans, hibiscus flavor.  I kind of had to buy it but I am not a drinker and rarely, like maybe once a year or so, will drink at home, if that.   It will probably sit in my fridge for ever and I will throw it out when I need room but I kind of had to get it for research.

This week it is back to work.  It was so stupid cold today so I WFH and caught up on email.  I have to go in tomorrow and I am not looking forward to the alarm.  I have a meeting with the people at the zoo for the ranger workshop next month and a branch hostage situation that afternoon.  My plan is to wfh again on Wednesday I think we are off on Thursday because of JC’s day of mourning but I haven’t seen anything official.  We were off for Reagan and Bush so I would think it would be the same.  It is looking like it may snow Thursday evening and if that happens they will shut the city down and I will have an exude to do an extra wfh day.  Going back is always bad.  I didn’t look at jobs today but every job I have put in for so far I have either not made the list or not gotten on the interview list, which is bullshit.  I am pretty sure I will die where I am.  FML

I asked ChatGPT to give me a motto for the new year it gave me - 

“Stride boldly into the new year - grounded in adventure, sparkling with creativity, and fueled by the joy of connection.  

There is a reason I don’t do that shit, what a load of crap, lol.