too freaking hot

Not much going on.  It is so hot outside that the running groups have all cancelled the group runs, not that I would participate.  It seems life has been hectic yet I can't think of much I have done lately.  My trainer is on vacation and I haven't gone to the gym once since she has been gone.  I have ran a little but it gets so hot so fast that I barely make it a mile before I am just done.  At least my weight is holding.

I broke down and took Bailey to a behaviorist over his increasing possessiveness o me.  I thought it went well until we were leaving and he jumped up and nipped her on the arm.  I'm not sure what to think about it.  I am almost convenience he just doesn't like going places all the time.  The behaviorist gave me a lot of information but I literally forgot everything she said after he acted out.  She was fine and just brushed it off, it wasn't a serious bite, just a back off my mom warning but still.  He does fine at daycare so he is still getting a little socialization. 

those eyes kill me 

his buddy Charlie at his birthday party

daycare pictures

new chew bone

I miss my old blog friends

I really miss reading the blogs of my old CK buddies.  My account expired but I am tempted to renew it just so I can go back in and copy my old journal.  I also know that is the only way I will be able to keep in touch with Jay since he doesn't do facebook.  Sometimes change makes me sad. 

Everything hurts this morning.  I got up and ran my drills, which was just about 2 miles.  It is hard on Tuesday mornings because I have to be back home and ready to work at 7 and I have to take Mr. Personality Bailey for a short walk or I will hear about it the rest of the day.  All of my 1/4 mile drills were right at 14 mm.  JG wants each quarter mile to be around 3:45 and I pretty much met that.  It doesn't help that it is surface of the sun hot. 

After work I did 30 minutes at the gym. 

45 seconds X 3
squat press (20)
mountain climbers on bosu
overhead carry. (20)

45 seconds X 2
single leg glute bridge
side plank hip raise each side.

I was drenched in sweat and glad I was just doing 30 minutes.

I am trying to get my days switched around though because 1. the girl that works out with me on Tuesdays is a freaking machine and I am holding her back 2. the stupid firefighter training Dennis goes to each week was switched to Tuesday from Wednesday and it just makes it difficult.  We workout at 5:30 so I have to leave at 5, Dennis doesn't get off work until 5, if he's lucky, and has to drive 30 + minutes.  Bailey and Marcy don't get along but for the most part she just ignores him.  They eat everyday at 6 and of course I would be at the gym at that time and Dennis would be rushed to get them fed and out the door.  You can't leave food down as that is a huge trigger for the dogs.  Since I telework that day we don't have the advantage of having a tired Bailey.  So it would be easier to just change days.  Next week we are switching it to Monday because I have a doctor appointment and Bailey has his behaviorist appointment.  The trainer is going to Europe for two weeks and will be out after next Tuesday.  I need to make sure and keep myself accountable for workouts even in her absence.

Kind of concerned about the doctor appointment.  I have lost a little more weight since the last time I was in and I think she may not renew my prescription for Sax.  I am on a low dose now and I have all kinds of fears the weight will come back when I stop taking it.  I am thinking about not taking the meds until after I see her so maybe I will have more of an appetite?  I know that sounds like some serious disordered eating.  I was going to add a but to that but it is what it is.  I don't care if I lose more weight, I just don't want to gain.  I would go so far as to say I like how I look but the lovely roll of skin from the years of extreme gain/loss/gain is disgusting.  I don't think it is in the cards go get it removed, just too expensive and painful.  At any rate, I weighed in at 116.6 this morning.

Tonight I am not going to do anything but watch the last few episodes of Mindhunter in preparation for the new season. 

struggle bus

Even though my weight is down to 115.4 workouts seem harder than they were 10 pounds ago!!  Last night's torture included

4X
10 assisted pull ups
15 cable rows (2 at 15 2 at 12.5)

3X 30 seconds
bicep curls with red band
tri pull downs with green band over trx bar

3X 30 second
rope pull
lower bicep curl (bar to bellybutton)

2X 30 second
Alternating toe reach
bicycle

I normally don't have a lot of pain with abs but this one about killed me.

In addition, the running portion of my workout routine has been equally horrific.  I did 4 miles two Saturday's ago and considered ubering back to my car at the half way point.  I ended up walking the last 1.5 miles.  Last weekend I was supposed to do 2 but it was closer to 1.5 and I walked the entire time with Bailey.  I was exhausted from the trip to Dallas and I just couldn't muster the will or the energy.  This weekend is 5 miles and I really just want to quit already.  Luckily the half marathon isn't until March but I just hate every minute of it.  The weather is supposed to be better this weekend but I still think I am going to opt for the treadmill.  JG told me to aim for walking 3.2 and the "running" portions 3.8.  I normally would do 4.2 but with as bad as it has been going he is right...that's what I pay him for.

So last week was interesting.  I had fun hanging out with my friend and I learned a lot but I kind of wish we had only volunteered one day and spent one day at the conference.  I have a renewed energy to get involved in rescue again and even went to my therapist and talked to him about it.  I learned that in the Dallas area there are 5 times as many stray cats as dogs, which is pretty typical.  A lot of shelters will no  longer take in cats (I am sure this is limited to "feral" but I didn't get a chance to ask a lot of questions) and opt for TNR.  I think this is what I want to focus on.  I did inquire with the SPCA about volunteering again but I think I will try and volunteer with the local TNR group.  The SPCA has already responded, the TNR group has not.  I have a lot of baggage when it comes to rescue groups and none of it is from the animals.  People are assholes and I have to go in with that mindset.  I also do not want to go all in and get involved with the committees and board, I just want to put in my time and go home.  I found out about a reserve medical corps that coordinates with shelters and rescues in emergencies that I have signed up for.  That is what I am most interested in tbh but with my job it is difficult to gauge what my involvement could be.  I talked to someone yesterday and they have started the required back ground checks.  There is training through Best Friends for emergency operations in two weeks but they ask for a 2 week commitment.  I know there will be training through OKMRC and I hope that I can maybe get into some of this through them.

There is lots more I could say about the conference but it is still kind of hard to wrap my mind around.  The best thing, when I first started in rescue almost 20 years ago they were estimating about 8 million animals were killed only because they didn't have a home, it is now less than one million.  The goal is no kill by 2025.  If I hadn't seen this data I would have never thought it possible. 

OK, what else...

I have an appointment set up for Bailey with a behaviorist because he is becoming overly protective of me in public places.  I have to get that under control or he will have to stop going places with me. If you know me you now I need a sidekick and there aren't many Hunter and Cookie's in this world. Those two spoiled me with how awesome they were. 

Have I posted since Bailey's birthday party? 

Thursday workout

Weight 117 this morning

Last night's workout

3 X
15 plank step out with slider (each side)
15 squat walk (each side)
I can't remember for the life of me

3X
10 plank slider arm circles (not sure what to call it)
15 glute bridge with abductor
20 bosu squat jumps

out of town next week for the Best Friends No More Homeless Pet's conference

Bailey's birthday party yesterday was a huge hit!!

Tuesday workout

I ran yesterday before work.  I did the 4 cadence drills.  I can't get the hang of the acceleration gliders but I gave it a try.  I averaged about 3:30 for each of the quarter mile drills and didn't pass out or die from heat exhaustion. 

Teleworked yesterday.  Work is starting to not be fun.  micro-managers suck the life out of moral.  Grateful it is a temp position and hoping that she doesn't get it permanently. I hate to get back in a situation like I was in 2 years ago.  My other team members feel the same but they think they might not give her the job if we talk to them.  Yeah, I've done that all before.  I was 15 minutes late for work today from dropping of Bailey (she knows I'm late on daycare days) and got the "please be punctual" speech.  Looks like I will be coming in the other set of door and taking the long way around from now on.  Just makes me want to do the bare minimum. 

Back to exercise and diet I only did 30 minutes at the gym last night.  I'm thinking on days that I run that probably isn't a bad thing.  My heart rate was out of control.

We started off with 3/4 mile bike and level 8.  My heart rate got up to 100% and stayed there so trainer decreased the level.  HR still didn't come down so she cut me off at .68 (so close).  We did 3 rounds of this but with decreasing mileage, so .5 the second and .25 the third set.  Also in the set:

15 sissy squats
walking squats with band above knees

The next round was X3

TRX reverse fly
medicine ball toss/squat
squat to upright row with kettle bell.

Should go without saying that my quads are toast today.  I'm not sure I could have done 30 more minutes. 

My HR chart shows 55 minutes (I don't take it off until I get home and I never remember to turn it off) 88% effort, high 195.  I was in the "red" zone 26 minutes.  660 calories burned.

I sent my running schedule to the trainer and we are supposed to figure something out so I don't hurt myself like I have in the past.  I don't think there will ever be a time where I will run for 3 weeks with a stress fracture.

My weight this morning was 117!!  That is a number I haven't seen in a long time. 

My throat still feels like there is a lump on my tonsils.  My speech path friend says it's because they are probably still swollen.  The tongue heals fairly quick but seeing as how it was at the very back of my tongue where it connects it will probably take a little longer.  We know it isn't cancer and that the growth is gone so it won't turn into cancer, that's all that matters.

Mad Gains

I suffered through the gym last night!!  Small victory but one I will take it.  I was definitely on the struggle bus and my heart rate was out of control HRM shows that most of the workout was in the red zone with max HR at 194.  I forgot to take the monitor off after my workout so it shows I burned 978 calories for 1 hour and 44 minutes of effort and with that it was still 77% overall effort.  My trainer told me to slow down several times towards the end.  The trend has been to do timed sets instead of a set number so I can vary the effort based on how I feel.

Last night we did:
30 seconds and 3 sets
one leg step up with kettle bell in opposite hand - leg stayed on the box. 30 sec for each leg
battle rope - wide circles
slider lunges - 30 seconds each leg

suitcase carry to end of gym, switch arm and return
squat press with 8 pound weights
upright row (20 pounds. I probably could have increased the weight if we could have found the 5 pound weight for the press)

2 sets
scissor kicks
plank step out

I feel really bad for my workout partner since I am still doing small groups.  I really felt like I was holding her back.  I didn't feel strong at any point in the workout and felt like I was kind of going through the motions, kind of light headed and struggling with  form.  I am just really glad that my anxiety let me leave the house without any major issues and without thinking of a thousand excuses to quit.  Showing up is the hardest part some days.  There were a few times, especially during the lunges that I just felt very unstable. 

I may contact my trainer to see about doing some one on one training for a few weeks until I get stuff sorted out. 

Work is horrible right now.  The lead we have in for the next few weeks is a controlling micro manger, which doesn't bode well for our type of job.  It is stressing everyone out to the point that one of our planners is setting up a tdy to be out as much as possible.  The job announcement closed last week and I really hope they don't give it to her.  It would really make our lives more difficult than they need to be.

I sent a text to my little sister yesterday asking her if she wanted to go to a fund raiser with me next weekend.  She sent me a text back around 11 last night, which normally wouldn't wake me up but for some reason did, she said she lost her job yesterday so she really didn't feel like doing anything like that.  So along with all the other issues she has had over the last year she has that to deal with.  I literally thought I was going to throw up when she told me. 

With all of this being said, I fell a little better today, a little more clear headed and the vertigo is better but the focus is not there at all.  I still feel oddly emotional.  Maybe I will see what the therapist's schedule looks like since he has it online, I mean it can't hurt.

I didn't weigh this morning but my weight has been up a little lately, only a pound or so.  I am thinking it has to be water retention from the lack of fluids and the heat.  I am just now getting to wear it feels somewhat normal to swallow. 

I don't know if I ever said anything about the medication I have been taking, Saxenda.  It seems like with most things that work in this country the manufacturer and the insurance companies are making it increasingly harder and more expensive to get.  Insurance wasn't covering it but I had a savings card that made the medication $30.00 a week (I had to get one pen, a weeks worth, filled at a time).  Apparently there is a limit of 12 refills on the savings card regardless of how many pens you get.  Without the card the medication is roughly $1200 a month.  My doctor switched me to another medication, that is exactly the same but with lower max dosage, which I was taking anyway since I had hit my goal weight.  This is marketed towards diabetes and not weight loss so for now insurance is covering it.  I'm not sure how long that will last.  There are some Canadian pharmacies that will ship if it comes to it at $500 for 5 pens (a month at full dose).  It is ridiculous.  I talked my doctor into upping the prescribed dose so I could have some pens saved up just in case.  With the biopsy last week I just started back on it yesterday. 

OK it's time to get busy... no puppy pictures today.

recovery sucks

So a week ago I had a spot on my tongue biopsied.  My dentist found this lesion (what the oral surgeon called it) and didn't think it was anything to worry about but wanted someone else to look at it.  The oral surgeon didn't think it was anything to worry about either but he, his words were "he is almost certain it isn't cancer but he doesn't know exactly what it was".  For some reason I thought this would be a simple little thing that I would have done and go to work after.  Man was I wrong.  I am still suffering a week later.  I thought they would just do like a needle biopsy but they cut that spot out and stitched it up.  I knew they would have to put me under because of the location way at the back of my tongue. I didn't even ask if it would hurt until they had me ready to go.  I am still struggling to eat real food, I was on protein shakes, mashed potatoes and pudding until Monday.  It still fills weird but I am admittedly a huge baby when it comes to anything with my mouth since I have had very little problems with my teeth.  I literally took every single pain pill they gave me and would have taken more, very much out of character for me.  Let me tell you though that they should give nitrous every time I have to have an IV!!.  I remember the doctor saying something about how he could see scars from previous IV's and I told him there were some on my inner arm from donating blood also.  He immediately became my favorite doctor when he said that I am too small to donate.  Anyway, I don't remember the needle going in at all.  It was amazing.  I'm mot sure when the results will be back but I am not going to worry about it.

I did nothing for the holiday.  I have done pretty much nothing but sleep since the biopsy.  I'm not sure if it's the drugs, the heat, or just my lazy fat ass but I am struggling.  I was 2 hours late for work on Monday and I'm never late like that.  I just literally could not function.  This morning was difficult too but I was able to make myself get up at 6, which is 20 minutes later than I normally get up.  I was still early to drop Bailey off at daycare but we weren't the first ones there for a change.  We have a meeting at 8:30 and I have a project that I have to get done by Friday or I might have just called in.  Although it is picture day at Bailey's daycare so he couldn't miss 💗   Daycare keeps us all sane.  

So I haven't been to the gym at all or ran since last Sunday.  I did 2 miles per JG and told him that I wouldn't probably not be able to run after the procedure but I honestly thought I would be able to get up Sunday and do my "long" run.  Now it is too hot to go after work so I will be stuck on the TM for awhile.  On my telework days maybe I could get up and run since I don't have to be at work so early and I could take Bai for a short walk.

I started this yesterday and had to get some work done.

So this morning was another one of those days, an hour late for work, couldn't make myself get up even though I fell asleep at 9:00 last night.  I was talking to a co-worker and I told her I think I have seasonal effective disorder in the summer months.  The heat just drains me and makes me want to hide away in the A/C and not come out.  She kind of surprised me when she said she really felt the same way but her's is the opposite and she can't sleep instead of sleeping all the time.  Funny. She was a park ranger too, maybe it has something to do with that?  At any rate the summer is just starting so I am going to have to figure out a way to work through it.  I have only been to the therapist once since Christmas so I could do that.  I also am really bad about taking my anti-depressant, I set an alarm on my phone and I am committing to take that regularly.  If I don't see any changes I will call my doctor and have her do some blood work.  I have been diagnosed with pernicious anemia in the past and I know I have a vitamin D deficiency (haven't really been taking that either) both of those could also be attributing.  I can go to the walk in clinic and get a B-12 shot at lunch so I might do that.  I also kind of wonder if the biopsy is bothering me more on a psychological level than I am admitting to myself.  Hopefully they will call with the results soon.

At any rate, I am going to the gym tonight.  I am trying to decide if I should send my trainer a text  and warn her or ask her if I can do a few half hour sessions.  Then again I should probably just get over myself and do what I know I am capable of.

OK enough of that, but I do want to put this down so if I feel like this next year I have something to look back on.