recovery sucks

So a week ago I had a spot on my tongue biopsied.  My dentist found this lesion (what the oral surgeon called it) and didn't think it was anything to worry about but wanted someone else to look at it.  The oral surgeon didn't think it was anything to worry about either but he, his words were "he is almost certain it isn't cancer but he doesn't know exactly what it was".  For some reason I thought this would be a simple little thing that I would have done and go to work after.  Man was I wrong.  I am still suffering a week later.  I thought they would just do like a needle biopsy but they cut that spot out and stitched it up.  I knew they would have to put me under because of the location way at the back of my tongue. I didn't even ask if it would hurt until they had me ready to go.  I am still struggling to eat real food, I was on protein shakes, mashed potatoes and pudding until Monday.  It still fills weird but I am admittedly a huge baby when it comes to anything with my mouth since I have had very little problems with my teeth.  I literally took every single pain pill they gave me and would have taken more, very much out of character for me.  Let me tell you though that they should give nitrous every time I have to have an IV!!.  I remember the doctor saying something about how he could see scars from previous IV's and I told him there were some on my inner arm from donating blood also.  He immediately became my favorite doctor when he said that I am too small to donate.  Anyway, I don't remember the needle going in at all.  It was amazing.  I'm mot sure when the results will be back but I am not going to worry about it.

I did nothing for the holiday.  I have done pretty much nothing but sleep since the biopsy.  I'm not sure if it's the drugs, the heat, or just my lazy fat ass but I am struggling.  I was 2 hours late for work on Monday and I'm never late like that.  I just literally could not function.  This morning was difficult too but I was able to make myself get up at 6, which is 20 minutes later than I normally get up.  I was still early to drop Bailey off at daycare but we weren't the first ones there for a change.  We have a meeting at 8:30 and I have a project that I have to get done by Friday or I might have just called in.  Although it is picture day at Bailey's daycare so he couldn't miss 💗   Daycare keeps us all sane.  

So I haven't been to the gym at all or ran since last Sunday.  I did 2 miles per JG and told him that I wouldn't probably not be able to run after the procedure but I honestly thought I would be able to get up Sunday and do my "long" run.  Now it is too hot to go after work so I will be stuck on the TM for awhile.  On my telework days maybe I could get up and run since I don't have to be at work so early and I could take Bai for a short walk.

I started this yesterday and had to get some work done.

So this morning was another one of those days, an hour late for work, couldn't make myself get up even though I fell asleep at 9:00 last night.  I was talking to a co-worker and I told her I think I have seasonal effective disorder in the summer months.  The heat just drains me and makes me want to hide away in the A/C and not come out.  She kind of surprised me when she said she really felt the same way but her's is the opposite and she can't sleep instead of sleeping all the time.  Funny. She was a park ranger too, maybe it has something to do with that?  At any rate the summer is just starting so I am going to have to figure out a way to work through it.  I have only been to the therapist once since Christmas so I could do that.  I also am really bad about taking my anti-depressant, I set an alarm on my phone and I am committing to take that regularly.  If I don't see any changes I will call my doctor and have her do some blood work.  I have been diagnosed with pernicious anemia in the past and I know I have a vitamin D deficiency (haven't really been taking that either) both of those could also be attributing.  I can go to the walk in clinic and get a B-12 shot at lunch so I might do that.  I also kind of wonder if the biopsy is bothering me more on a psychological level than I am admitting to myself.  Hopefully they will call with the results soon.

At any rate, I am going to the gym tonight.  I am trying to decide if I should send my trainer a text  and warn her or ask her if I can do a few half hour sessions.  Then again I should probably just get over myself and do what I know I am capable of.

OK enough of that, but I do want to put this down so if I feel like this next year I have something to look back on.