So as I wrote my blog yesterday about how I really need to start over and eat healthy I was eating "fun sized" Snickers and Hershey bars. I am not proud.
Looking back I am not sure that I ever committed to healthy eating. I have used my band to control my portions and somewhat stayed away from slider foods but I still ate pretty much whatever the fuck I wanted, just significantly less of it. I know this is not what the band is about and not how I should use it but I just can't seem to get a handle on things.
My meals were actually pretty good yesterday, chicken caesar pasta at about 400 calories per serving for dinner (of course I didn't eat a full serving) and about a third of leftover whole wheat baked ziti for lunch. If I hadn't snarfed on chocolate and root beer all day it would have been a win.
Then there is the peanut butter addiction. I saw something online the other day that eating peanut butter out of the jar is a huge pitfall, about 140 calories per spoonful. I don't know about you but I know I eat more than a couple of those bad boys. I had been eating it for breakfast but now I am scared to death to open the jar, afraid I will fall in face first.
The keyboard for my new Kindle came in the mail today so I stopped on my way back to work to get batteries and I picked up Reese's peanut butter eggs and golden oreos. The cashier had trouble getting the pb eggs to ring in so I told her to put them back but the oreos went through just fine. I need to put the oreos out in the shared food area at work just so I won't eat them all, even though I hate work and everything and everyone that goes along with it. What better reason to give them diabetes I guess.
I just can't get past this feeling that I am a complete and utter failure. I am sure that the work crap is adding to that but regardless I need to find my way out of it.
Another problem is that I haven't worked out since Saturday the 16th. I need to do something, even if it is just giving Dexter a concussion with a kettle bell, poor dog. I am really just now starting to feel like myself again after having strep, and I am more than capable of doing some kind of physical activity I just haven't, too cold, too wet. Tomorrow I tell myself.
I am taking off an hour early from work (45 more minutes!!) to have Hunter's stitches taken out from his surgery last week. Later Dennis and I are going out to eat because I have a groupon that expires today. More food.
I could go in and get a fill but I don't think the problem is with the band, it is with my mental health and just generally stuffing my stress and feelings with crap.
I'm not sure what to do.
Looking back I am not sure that I ever committed to healthy eating. I have used my band to control my portions and somewhat stayed away from slider foods but I still ate pretty much whatever the fuck I wanted, just significantly less of it. I know this is not what the band is about and not how I should use it but I just can't seem to get a handle on things.
My meals were actually pretty good yesterday, chicken caesar pasta at about 400 calories per serving for dinner (of course I didn't eat a full serving) and about a third of leftover whole wheat baked ziti for lunch. If I hadn't snarfed on chocolate and root beer all day it would have been a win.
Then there is the peanut butter addiction. I saw something online the other day that eating peanut butter out of the jar is a huge pitfall, about 140 calories per spoonful. I don't know about you but I know I eat more than a couple of those bad boys. I had been eating it for breakfast but now I am scared to death to open the jar, afraid I will fall in face first.
The keyboard for my new Kindle came in the mail today so I stopped on my way back to work to get batteries and I picked up Reese's peanut butter eggs and golden oreos. The cashier had trouble getting the pb eggs to ring in so I told her to put them back but the oreos went through just fine. I need to put the oreos out in the shared food area at work just so I won't eat them all, even though I hate work and everything and everyone that goes along with it. What better reason to give them diabetes I guess.
I just can't get past this feeling that I am a complete and utter failure. I am sure that the work crap is adding to that but regardless I need to find my way out of it.
Another problem is that I haven't worked out since Saturday the 16th. I need to do something, even if it is just giving Dexter a concussion with a kettle bell, poor dog. I am really just now starting to feel like myself again after having strep, and I am more than capable of doing some kind of physical activity I just haven't, too cold, too wet. Tomorrow I tell myself.
I am taking off an hour early from work (45 more minutes!!) to have Hunter's stitches taken out from his surgery last week. Later Dennis and I are going out to eat because I have a groupon that expires today. More food.
I could go in and get a fill but I don't think the problem is with the band, it is with my mental health and just generally stuffing my stress and feelings with crap.
I'm not sure what to do.
I have the same problem with still eating too much of the crappy stuff that I shouldn't be eating. Would it help you to work with a nutritionist or a counselor, even for a limited period? They might be able to suggest ways to deal with those cravings.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're feeling like a failure. You're not one in my book! I bet exercise will help with that feeling.
Terrie, you are not even close to being a failure. So you are not perfect; how boring would that be?
ReplyDeleteMake a small goal to cut something back or eat something else instead for just a few days. Like no PB until MOnday afternoon or soemthing like that. Don't overwhelm or beat yourself up.
I could have written this. I went through a pb addiction phase for a while - even adding honey to the spoonful of PB...oy. Now I can't keep it in the house - thats why I use PB2 for my shakes.
ReplyDeleteYou got this - its never a straight line to the finish.
You are definitely not a failure, because if you are a failure, I am a HUGE failure. PB on a spoon - ohhh man. PB2 cured me of that, but still.
ReplyDeleteI find myself in cycles where I eat the right things and limit my treats, and some times when I rely on the band too much. With it as tight as it is now, I think it's helping me a bit to get some physical feedback of "nope, you better stop!" and really helping me to eat slowly. But I want to go back to before when it felt effortless (probably because in some ways losing is more fun than maintaining....isn't that weird?)
You are not a failure...you are my inspiration sweetie....your job just seems to suck right now...you were riding it out until your boss leaves..but if you can't do i! just start looking for a new one.(easier said than done as I know that is a lot of work) You know not working out totally affects my mood. Try to get in some exercise and I bet your mood and outlook changes a bit. Hugs girlfriend!
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely not a failure. Do you rely on the band too much to control your portions? Possibly. But that doesn't make you a failure! The band doesn't make you go out and run like you do...you do that on your own! We all have issues with food and when things turn to crap in our personal/professional lives it is so easy to fall back into the habit of soothing ourselves with food...that is completely normal. There's a lot of "head work" that we have to do along with the band but things can always come up to throw a wrench in the works. You've recognized a problem with the way you're dealing with things and now you need to come up with a plan to deal with it. The first thing is to get out there and exercise...it will certainly improve your mood and help to put yourself in the right place to be able to deal with everything else.
ReplyDelete