First off I have been absent for awhile. Did I miss anything good?
My mom had surgery to remove 10 inches of her colon that contained a tumor that tested positive for cancer. The surgery was Thursday and she just got out of the hospital yesterday. She had a lot of problems keeping food down and getting things to work properly after the plumbing change. I spent the majority of most days at the hospital, along with my dad and little sister. My older sister is a complete bitch and came up one time on her way to their lake house for maybe 20 minutes. She called Monday and said that she would "try" to get back up to the hospital to see her before they went back to the lake this weekend. Seriously, who does that to their mother? I never called or sent her a text to let her know mom was released. Screw her.
Anyway, they removed 15 lymph nodes and the cancer had spread to one of them. Not really sure what that means for future treatment (chemo) until the oncologist sees her. In my mind, the fact that the oncologist didn't come to the hospital to see her is a good sign. Trying really hard not to let it worry me.
My weight continues to go down. This morning I am at 116, I seriously snuck up on the scale from several angles to verify. I went to my band doctor the day before my Mom's surgery. He told me it was time to stop trying to lose weight. I really don't feel like I am trying to lose, I just am. He jokingly asked me if I was trying to be anorexic. I have changed my goal weight from 125, to 120, to 118 to now 115. He said no more. 115 IS my goal weight.
So here in lies the problem. I have been trying to lose weight pretty much my entire adult life. I have no clue how to just click that switch in my brain to go into maintenance mode. I still don't see the size 2 that I am. My sister told me we should go out and she would point out someone that is the same size as me so I could maybe put it in perspective. But still, now what? I know a lot of my eating problems the last week have come from stress causing my band to tighten up...but maybe not. This is by far the hardest part. I am not sure if maybe I should talk to a nutritionist, have my band loosened, a shrink, all of the above? I really wish someone would just be able to give me the answer and make it click in my head.
On an interesting note, my mom doesn't know that I had WLS. While one of the nurses was changing the bandages on her incision, we got to talking about removing fat after weight loss. The nurse (or maybe tech) said that they were a general surgery floor and that they had a lot of bariatric patients that come through and that ALL of them gain their weight back. I told her that her that the doctor they use must really suck because I know of 3 people from work (not including me of course) that had the surgery and they are still a size 10. People like that are why I don't tell people about my surgery. That was just a rude, judgemental statement.
On a lighter note, I bought an iPad last night. Of course I haven't been sleeping well so when I got home last night I took my prescription sleep medication and nice long hot bubble bath. I tried to watch the Thunder game but couldn't keep my eyes open. Apparently I had no problems getting on Amazon on my Kindle Fire though because I had a message from Pay Pal this morning that my charge was approved. It really isn't THAT big of deal. I have wanted one for a long time. But the account I used to buy it is my Disney Princess Half savings money. I also think it is a 1st generation because it was only $280 for a 32GB. They really need to have a safety lock on these things to prevent you from doing this stuff. At least I didn't sleep eat, lol.
OH, and Wednesday workout is my first ever Aquatics Boot Camp with HMF!! I hope it lives up to the expectations I have for it. So excited!!
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