who took my mojo

So I am running a half marathon on Sunday.  Ask me how much I have ran since the last half marathon about 3 weeks ago....about 3 miles.  I am a slacker.  I know I will get through the run but not so sure how I will feel afterward.  I  am not even making a time goal, just going to run and hope for the best.  I doubt my friend runs it, she told me she didn't have the money and would have to bandit the run but I haven't heard from her since.  No big deal.  I see myself more of a solo distance runner anyway.  Yesterday I kept having to remind myself that the run is this week, not next.  oy.

I took off work yesterday to get some stuff done and fell like I got a lot accomplished.  I saw the oral surgeon and he said everything looks good.  I told him that I have a slight metal taste in my mouth and he said that is normal and I will get used to it.  Um, yea?  I thought he would tell me to come back in a couple of weeks and we would start the second step.  Nope, I don't go back until April!!  I won't get a tooth for probably 6 months!!  I have had family members who got implants and they literally pulled the teeth and set the implants that day.  I am not sure why this is different, although it does seem safer this way in my mind.  Oh, and I can eat whatever I want again so my weight should come up a little.

My work mojo has joined my exercise mojo in the beyond.  I have a lot to do but really just don't care.  I had my performance appraisal on Monday and as I expected it wasn't as good as last year.  I told my supervisor that I am perfectly away of how my performance has been lacking and there is nothing she can say that I wasn't already aware of.  She told me that she is aware that I have had family issues but she expects more out of me next year.  It was painless.  Probably no bonus this year but whatever.  I know I haven't been working at the lead level lately.  I went in knowing all of this was going to happen.  I do have to step up though and start doing better.  I don't want to be demoted back to a lower level, even though I have talked about it some this year just to get rid of some of my stress.  I don't want to make less money.

Speaking of family issues, my mom has chemo today and it is my sisters turn to go up there.  Well she is sick, running a fever, so I told her to skip it this time.  I called my mom and talked to her and asked her if she wanted me to come up at lunch and bring her something.  She said it wasn't necessary and that my dad can go get something.  My dad goes with her every time but he can't sit still and ends up pacing in the lobby instead of sitting back with her.  Since I only have like $8 to my name until payday tomorrow food options are greatly limited.  Anyway, it looks like I might be taking more time off work this afternoon to take her something to eat.  The cancer place isn't that far away but it is located on a medical corridor and the traffic is horrible, then there is the construction.  I usually take half a day off because by the time you get there you might as well stay until she is finished because it takes so long to get in and out. 
I got a massage yesterday from a guy who I swear had had softer hands than any woman I have ever been to.  I am the kind of person that like to feel like I have had a good work out when I leave a massage.  This guy, not so much.  He did do some stretches and made my ankle and knee feel better.  But I want my muscles to be sore the day after and I can't even tell that I had a massage.  Oh well, it was a groupon and you get what you pay for.  I went to a girl for years who I loved, actually had me almost jumping off the table with some of her IT band stuff but I felt so much better afterwards.  But she moved and I have yet to find a replacement.  Back to the Groupon and Living Social drawing board.

Alrighty then, I guess I better get on that work stuff....

Let me tell you about my Port

My port sticks out.  It kind of looks like a golf ball under my skin.  It isn't so bad when I am sitting down and the skin kind of covers it, but when I am standing up and especially when I am laying down, there it is. 

The surgeon said that he put a low profile port in but he was going to check and see if there was something else he could replace it with.  I am not sure I want to undergo all that, plus the expense of having to have it done would be totally cosmetic and I am not sure I want to spend the money for it.  I know I don't want to have to go under anesthesia for it.  I am probably strange (ok I know I am strange) because I can of take comfort in looking down and seeing that little buldge.  When I am nervous I kind of rub on it.  It is a good luck charm that has helped me reach a goal that I would have never reached if not for its help. I am just kind of worried that my mother will see it and freak out because she will think I have a tumor (she doesn't know about the surgery).  I try not to wear anything that would show my stomach when I go to my parents pool.  She is really bad about walking into the dressing room with me at stores so I am careful to turn away from her.  But what if I forget?

I understand that a lot of the problem is that I am down to 108, of course things are going to stick out more than normal. 

So, can you see your port?

Come on weekend

I swear by all things holy this day will never end!!  I am so burned out at work it isn't even funny.  But before I vent about work issues I did get in a run yesterday!! 

I have never ran the work neighborhood by myself, my work running friend goes with me, I run with the running club, or I wait until I get home.  Well it is too dark to run after I get home and if I run from work I can change, run, and be home before the running club even starts.  Not to mention the running store is on the other side of town.  I have no clue how far I went, I kept screwing up my Garmin.  I almost freaked out when I looked down and it said I was doing a 39 m/m pace, um, no!!  Ended up cutting the run a little short because it started to get dark and there are some creepy apartments that we run by.  To add to that, my right side was really tight.  Once I got warmed up my right ankle started to hurt.  I probably shouldn't have ran on it but I did.  Maybe 2.5 miles?  Who knows.  Today my ankle is still sore and I catch myself walking on the outside of my foot which will screw up my knee.  I am taking off on Tuesday so if it isn't any better I will call the chiropractor and have him work his magic.  He can tape it up so maybe it won't be as sore for the half marathon next Sunday.  Probably won't be doing any long runs this weekend.

Work is driving me nuts and it really shows in the quality of my work.  There is no excuse for it really, I haven't been screamed at in two weeks.  I think I am just checked out.  I turned in a document today and even proof read it and my supervisor gave it back to me with a bunch of formatting problems.  Since I am a lead I that shouldn't be happening but I just didn't look at the formatting.  The really bad thing is, it is performance appraisal time.  I know I am going to get a do better speech and I just don't want to hear it.  I probably need to start looking for another job but it is so hard when you work for the gov.  I really want to move but not possible with the dogs and the significant other.  Plus having a parent going through chemo.  Maybe I need a B-12 shot?  I do have pernicious anemia which can cause "brain fog".  I will give myself a shot when I get home, or better yet I will go to the walk in clinic and let them give me a shot.  It is worth the $10 they charge not to have to stab myself in the thigh.

I have a lot of things to do this weekend.  I am going with HMF to a holiday market downtown at some point tomorrow but not sure when since she is going to the TU basketball game.  Grocery shopping is a must.  We have no real food in the house and I have eaten out every day for lunch this week.  Thankfully I don't eat a lot for dinner.  Need to make Christmas cards with the pictures I posted yesterday and get them sent out.  Oh, and don't forget Christmas shopping.

Tuesday is my follow up with the oral surgeon.  I turned in for leave all day.  I hope I can get a lot done.  I don't think the dentist is going to actually do anything besides look and see how my mouth is healing and schedule me for the abutment.  Can't wait for that, it is going to look wicked strange.

Ok, enough of my negative rants.  I hope you guys have a great weekend.

TTT bandwagon

1.  We had our Christmas dinner yesterday at work.  The food was amazing.  Chiefy bought two smoked turkeys from a local BBQ place and it was one of the best I had ever eaten.  When we were cleaning up yesterday there was a half a turkey that hadn't even been carved.  I was so looking forward to eating it for lunch.  Well some asshat TOOK ALL THE TURKEY!!  I am not sure if it was one asshat or multiple asshats but who does that?  It would be different if they had bought it but nope, they just helped themselves to some awesome turkey.  There are a few of us in the office that are pretty mad about the whole thing.

2.  My work running friend isn't running tonight so I am going to run the work route solo for the first time ever.  It is just so freaking dark so early.  Plus if I go home the odds are that I get interested in Dr. Phil or some mundane thing and than Dennis gets home, than we eat, by that time the day is just shot.  So, I am running by myself.  I have my ICE dot bracelet on so if anything happens they will have all of my medical information.

3.  I am creeping people out by listening to the Handel's Messiah station on Spotify. Coming from the desk of someone who usually listened to things like Nine Inch Nails and Tool people are really worried about my music choice.  But I was in choir in high school and we always did a Messiah performance which made everyone in my family want to slit their wrists.  Makes me think of Christmas....not sure which one but I love it none the less.

4.  Speaking of dark creepy things  (we were weren't we?) I love the new show on SyFy called Deals from the Dark Side, about a guy who buys and sells historical torture devices from antique stores.  There is no limit to how cruel people can be.  I went to an exhibit in 2008 in McAllen, TX of all places that featured torture devices though out history.  It both intrigued me and made me sick to my stomach at the same time.  What the strange thing is, I hate to watch overly violent movies because they make me sick.  Yeah, I know I can't figure it out either.

5.  This is my Hunter at his Christmas pictures.  I am supposed to get an 8X10 but I am so impatient.  The place that took them is called Wild Heart Ranch, it is a wildlife rehabilitation place.  They were on PBS Nature last month about strange animal relationships.  They had a deer and a blind Golden and a horse and a goat that were inseparable.  After my half marathon next week I really want to start volunteering with them.  I used to volunteer with dog rescue but I am a) a foster failure.  I just can't let them go once I have bonded to them - which is why I have 7 dogs. b) got tired of the people.  Most animal people are not people people so personalities tend to get in the way of helping at times.  I had enough of that and figured I had enough dogs at home that I really didn't have time to devote to others.  I really miss it sometimes.  Regardless, Hunter is the bestest dog in the world (my first) and at 11 years old is still a little monster at times.

6.  My work running buddy had her husband drop off their 16 month old little girl  for a few minutes while he was running errands.  She is so freaking cute.  I am not a kid person, but this little thing is just so freaking cute!!  Since I don't want any of my own I just use her as my fill in kid.  She is spoiled rotten.  Kind of sad that she doesn't remember me though, I haven't seen her in a few months.  I think we should have manditory puppy/toddler breaks at work to make the day better.

7.  My I haven't gotten in trouble at work for probably two weeks, although there was a note on my desk this morning that asked me if I had changed my hours since I have been about 15 minutes late a few days.  OK, maybe more than a few days.  I am going to have to stop going to Sonic for a drink before work.  It just takes way too long. 

8.  Is it bad to send out pictures on Christmas cards that were taken in the summer?  I don't want to use an old picture but the only good recent pictures we have are from the ones we had done on my one year bandiversary and I am in shorts.  These are the ones I am talking about...

9.  I really need to get my hair colored but I just don't want to take the time or spend the money.  Last time I just went to Ulta and bought some OTC stuff and did it myself.  Dennis likes my hair a little less vibrant than I do.  My stylist is a little on the edge so she has a hard time reining it in.  I like it bright but since Dennis has agreed to not grow a mustache and beard this winter I would keep my hair in a more natural color.  As soon as the facial hair comes back the bright copper will return.

10.  I ate tacos for lunch.  Don't tell my oral surgeon.  I am not supposed to have anything that can break off and "stab" the screw in my mouth.  I swear I picked the worse time of the year to do this.  I go in on Tuesday and have him look at it and make sure everything is healing alright.  I am thinking about taking the entire day off work and go to the mall Christmas shopping without the weekend crowd.  I am holding my breath that he says I can eat whatever I want.  I love Mexican food and can't be trusted around the chips.  I WILL eat them.  I am drooling all over my keyboard just thinking of chips and salsa.  But I digress.  I am not sure when I will get to the next step in the process, having the abutment put in, I guess it depends on how well I am healing?  My jaw/gums/face is still a little swollen.  It looks so freaky...

You can see Marcy Pants in the background very concerned about why Daddy was so far up in her Mom's grill.  She is my dog for sure.

another holiday party

I broke down and weighed at work yesterday.  I was wearing my dress and lacy leggings so it was as close to naked as I would get in the locker room.  My weight was 110.8!!  I am really shocked.  After I had fluid removed I keep waiting for the day when I start to gain but so far that hasn't happened; thank God.  Maybe my metabolism is finally normal for the first time in my life?  I know that I eat like a "pig" some days, but it isn't like it used to be.   I don't clean my plate or go back for seconds, it is just more than I am normally able to eat.  The doctor said if I go below 110 I HAVE to have fluid removed.  So I haven't called to make an appointment like I am supposed to for December.  In my defense, I am also broke because of Christmas and the dental surgery.  I will call and get in after the New Year.  I must admit, it feels good not to be really stressed out about my weight for the first time ever.

Today is our Christmas party at work.  We have a lot of really bad food.  I know I will eat it but I just have to keep it in moderation.  I doubt I will be eating dinner tonight after all the food we will have here.  Dennis is supposed to come up for the lunch, I know he will keep me in check, lol.

I was supposed to run last night but my HMF text me and wanted me to go to dinner for my birthday (a month late).  It was fine and we talked a lot but I kind of wish I would have stayed and ran and told her we would have to meet up another day.  All these people kept running in front of the restaurant and I felt really bad for skipping.  Especially since I ordered chicken strips and they were the frozen kind you get from any fast food place for a fraction of the price.  I should have ordered the pasta.  Oh well.

I will run either today or Thursday.  It depends on how cold it is because I didn't bring anything for cold temps. 

I really don't have a whole lot going on.  Work is great this week.  Next week should be good, our Company party is Friday and we literally don't do a damn thing all day.  I also have my dentist appointment on Tuesday to have my screw checked.  I have my fingers crossed that he will tell me I can eat whatever I want.  There will be Mexican food in my near future if that is the case.  I really love chips and salsa and can't be trusted around it.  Come to think of it, I am tempted to take off all day and get some shopping in.  Hum....

nightmares

Yesterday I went to a Christmas party for the Ham Radio club Dennis is involved in.  I ate A LOT.  What can I say, I never get tired of turkey and dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy.  I didn't go back for seconds and I only ate two bites of the chocolate delight, aka better than sex, they served for dessert. 

Not sure if it was the dinner or the happy meal (about 3/4 of a burger) I had for lunch, but I dreamt that I had gained back a lot of weight.  Funny thing is, it was in my legs and butt and I am for sure an apple shape with toothpick legs.  Regardless, I woke up almost in tears.  Maybe a warning to slow down a little over the holidays or just a random dream?  Who knows? 

I am going running after work today.  Even if my work running buddy can't go I will go by myself.  It is just too dark by the time I get home and get the dogs settled.  It is way dark when I get home.  I am not fond of running around my neighborhood in the dark.  I have safety equipment out the yingyang but it is still scary. 

One more hurdle this week.  Tomorrow is our work party for the office.  The boss is providing smoked turkey and everyone else is bringing sides.  I am sure it won't be diet friendly in the least.  I am also limited in what I can eat because of the tooth situation.  That takes anything crunchy out of the equation, but it will be a struggle for me to stay away from the chips.  Dennis has to take a day off this week and I told him to take off Wednesday and come eat so he can keep me honest.  I swear he is like a prison warden.

impulse control

So, I just signed up for a half marathon December 16th mostly on a whim.  I text messaged the girl I met at the Joplin Half earlier this year and she is going to run with me.  She tried to run Route 66 but didn't finish because she is coming back from a stress fracture.  This run is on the river trail so it will be mostly flat until the last mile or so.  Not exactly sure what I was thinking.

I went Christmas shopping yesterday and bought myself two pairs of shoes, two shirts and a dress, icebreaker socks, and Coach perfume sticks.  I seriously have to stop doing that.  I suck at Christmas shopping!  I have no clue what to get anyone.  I picked up a pair of icebeaker socks, some sports socks and a Titanic documentary DVD for Dennis, but I gave them to him when he got home.  Again I suck at Christmas.  I can't wait to give people the stuff I bought them.  I won't see the in-laws until Christmas so when/if I find stuff for them I won't have a problem keeping it.  When I got home from shopping I went on Pintrest and found a lunch crock pot on SIL's board.  I went on Amazon and bought one.  I hope she doesn't have one already, she never likes anything I get her anyway, but that is a story for another day.  Our work party is Wednesday so I had to get a dirty santa gift for that.  I ended up getting two DVDs, one that has Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, and Fast Times at Ridgemont High the other DVD is Office Space. 

My 'tooth' is healing nicely.  Dennis has to look at it every day and offer to tighten the screw for me.  Really getting tired of eating soft foods (sound familiar).  I would love to go out and eat Mexican but I can't be trusted around chips and salsa, or pizza!! 

OK, Dexter just came on so I am signing off, only two left this season after tonight.