Today didn't start out well. I woke up and knew I had to get gas on my way to the office but I hit the snooze anyway. In my mind I was thinking I would just telework but I realized it is Tuesday and there is a high likelihood that AP will telework today. So after I stopped for gas I was 15 minutes late. Turns out I made the right decision because AP did in fact telework. I unloaded my laptop, plugged it into the docking station and realized I had taken the USB thing out for the keyboard/mouse. There is one other person in the branch today so I told her what was going on and if I couldn't find an old corded keyboard and mouse I was going back home to work. As luck would have it there was a spare keyboard and a mouse in the deep corner of the file room. So I am on a shitty keyboard and a mouse with serious lag but I'm still here for now. What a great start to the day.
Yesterday was a WFH day and Dennis called me just a little after 7. He took Bai for a walk and they saw a kitty friend that belongs to a neighbor and he wanted me to run some treats over. I grabbed a bag and drove around the corner. As we were talking to Ms. Cally, a black and white puppy comes running out from behind the garbage can. She looks to be under a year old. Once she arrived the cat ceased to exist for me. I fed her the entire bag of cat treats. The owner of the house and cat came out to take out his trash and the little baby rushed at him and nipped him. This tells me she has been out there for a little bit and feels the need to resource guard. I really wanted to take her home but I didn't. Dennis said something later about it and I told him that if I let him drag every cat in the hood home he can't say a word about me wanting to take care of a stray puppy. I saw her posted on the neighborhood facebook asking if anyone knew who she belonged to. Someone said it might be his neighbors so I am waiting to see if she is claimed I might have already named her (Dahlia, Dally for short because Outsiders) but I really hope she does have or find a better home because I would love to be able to travel with Dennis one of these days. He told me he would take treats and look for her on this morning's walk.
I had a therapy appointment yesterday and she commented that I seem to be in a much better space. I told her that things are pretty calm, relatively speaking and that there were a few tense situations at home in which Dennis stayed calm and rational. He realized that I was getting really anxious in anticipation of his energy and he told me that he was fine. In one instance he lost something and that normally means the world comes to a stop while he tears through things. He told me that I should go to QT or Sonic and get a soda or fill up my Owala with good ice and he would find it. He later said that he knew I thought he was going to get irrationally (my words not his) angry but he was fine and that the medication the doctor put him on seemed to really be working. I have noticed that he doesn't obsess over his family issues lately so all good signs. Therapist asked if he ever apologized for his outburst when I was sick and I said no. She asked if I felt like things were normal and I said no, it is going to take a long time for me to fully trust that he isn't going to twist off for no reason again. She said she was kind of glad to hear that.
We also talked about my cousin Heather and the move. I told her that will probably be the next fight Dennis and I have because he thinks we baby her and she is in her 30's. Well, she is practically my little sister so yeah, she's spoiled. He also wants to know what she is going to do for a job when she gets here because being a photographer isn't really a job you can make a living at. I told him, and my therapist that right now I don't care and that I am going about it from a selfish perspective because she will be able and willing to help out with my mom. Therapist said that is absolutely understandable. Dennis said she is taking advantage of me and my mom. Well, I have more positives than negatives in the pro con list so I am all for it. I was miffed that she hadn't called me or told me any solid plans and I didn't even have dates to tell work about. Heather said she can't talk at home because she is afraid her mom is listening in on everything. I was like, take a fucking walk, do something to help me out a bit! At any rate, we will see if fireworks are emanant and the talk with therapist helped me to see that I am not completely selfish for wanting her to move back.
After talking to therapist I sent Heather a message and told her that I needed to talk to her, not FB message and come up with some solid plans. She called me and we talked for about 15 minutes and I got more information than I had gotten in the month or so we have been talking about it. The other family member who is going to help move has already asked of work for the week of 21 October (first I heard of this). They were wanting me to take a rented truck and pull a trailer to get all of her stuff. I was like first of all you should have told me the details a lot earlier, second not only no but hell no. I am not pulling a trailer all the way to SD up and down the mountains and through the insane traffic. She has a storage building in Vegas, where she used to live and she wanted us to go get the stuff from there as well. I told her it doesn't make sense to take stuff from storage in one place and move into storage into another. Why doesn't she wait until she has a place of her own to put the stuff. She complained that it was costing her $250 a month in storage. I wanted to throttle her because she has no money, living with her mom in a one bedroom apartment with no car and instead of selling the stuff and buying new when she needed it she has been paying the fees. I get that she paid $7K for her bedroom furniture but come on. Plus, she is going to have to pay that in storage fees here too. I don't get it.
Not only have I fell off the diet wagon, I dragged it into the woods set fire to it and used the insurance money to buy cupcakes. For some reason I have been really craving chocolate lately, just plain milk chocolate hershey bar type. As luck would have it, with Halloween it is really easy to just fall into that trap. I bought a jumbo bag last week and it is gone. I had serious withdrawals yesterday but I refused to buy more. This morning, since I had to get gas I ran in to get a drink and sure enough there they were on the counter 2/$3 calling my name. I have decided that if I am going to fall into the trap I am going to buy a package of full sized bars and get one a day instead of the snack size where I just tear through them with reckless abandon. Dennis ate some of them but it was mostly me. At least I have really cut back on soda since I found an emotional support water bottle. Funny how finding a bottle you really like makes such a difference. I am going to stop, I have to if I don't want to buy a completely new wardrobe. As if that wasn't bad enough I have had a serious spending surge. It was to the point that I was like fuck it, I might as well die poor. I bought a cheap laptop since my work computer is so locked down. I can use my ipad but the storage on it is crap and it isn't easy to use an external drive on. Plus if I have to fill out forms ie taxes and stuff, I want an actual laptop, not just the tablet. I have 1TB cloud storage as a part of the deal and when the black friday deals hit I will find an external hard drive to store stuff on and use that as the memory instead of the internal storage because it doesn't have much either. I like my ipad and my iphone but when it comes to computers, I am not a mac person. It's like learning a whole new language. I think some stores are starting to cut some prices to make way for Christmas stuff too because I came across some major deals over the weekend. I spent way too much but I told myself I was putting the stuff up for Christmas presents. We will see if it lasts that long before I use it or give it to someone because I am horrible at holding on to stuff. I can't shop early. I also came across the cutest retro 60's style dress at a sample sell for a great price. So, what did I do? I bought a pair of Fluevogs to go with it 🙈 Not like I am going to have to take a pretty last minute trip to San Diego or anything.
OK, I gotta get back at it. ✌
IKR? I never wake up and hit the floor faster than when I hear him winding up.
ReplyDeletePeople, myself included, love to have a concrete diagnosis with a pill (or injection) to fix it up. Alas the world isn't Star Trek where they can wave some magic device over us and get a diagnosis and a treatment. Anyway, there is often an interplay between psychology and physical illness. Not everything is as simple as a broken bone.
I've been on a retail therapy tear lately. My credit card is starting to smoke. Eating has been less of a free fall but it's been kind of odd as well. Perhaps it's the seasons changing?