Wed. check in

I swear something happens on a weekly basis that reassures the decision to go minimal contact with the sibling in laws (siblings in law?).  I really don't understand the family dynamics even after 25+ years.  

The niece that did my hair had her baby last week.  They induced her on Wednesday and she had the kid on Thursday night.  I saw a picture on her insta stories so I knew she had the kid butI hadn't heard anything from MIL, which was a little odd.  Dennis went to her house on Friday and he asked if her had heard from anyone and she said no and she was starting to get worried.  I guess she sent a text to SIL because she got a text back that she had the kid at 11 pm and that she had emailed pictures.   I asked Dennis why great grandma doesn't even get a personal text and he was just over the whole thing.  I said something about when MIL was going to go up to see her and he said that they told her that she would have to wait 4/6 weeks before they would let anyone see her.  I know me and my granny (maternal grandmother) had a particularly close relationship, she was my person growing up, and if it were me I would have rather had granny there than my mom. I know RSV is a huge issue but if I am not mistaken there is a vaccine for that and I’m confident MIL would be more than happy to get it.  This is the favorite grandchild that could never do anything wrong in mil’s eyes and I am just pissed off and hurt for her.  I understand more and more why FIL was the way he was.  

Friday I had the chemical stress test.  It was pretty horrible.  When they pushed the chemicals through I felt like my chest was going to explode.  I told the tech that there was a very good chance that I was going to puke.  Instead of giving me some kind of container in which to toss my cookies he pushed something in the IV to reverse it and came very close to having a giant mess.  I got a call from the doctor before I even made it home saying that it was all normal.  One more test before they will clear me for anesthesia.  I felt ick after the appointment and went home and laid down.  I am glad I took the entire day off work.  Later that afternoon I had the pedicure appointment at the vegan spa.  It was really nice.  Instead of typical chairs they have the zero gravity recliners and they lay you back to do the massage and work the foot magic.  They also did a pretty legit shoulder massage.  I will put that in my summer rotation.  I also want to try the facials and the head spa.  I have to wait for the head spa though because I can't wash my hair in hot water or it will wash the vivid colors out.  I literally wash my hair in cold water before I get in and out of the shower to keep it from fading.  

Saturday I got to run errands that I have been wanting to do for months.  We have a popular burger place at a college town an hour away that is local famous, it's called Eskimo Joes and they sell lots of t-shirts and merch.  Every year they have specialty shirts for different organizations, one of which is animal rescue and I get one every year.  I could have ordered online but there is a t-shirt shop in the local mall but my mom is not able or willing to walk so I have just not taken the time to go.  I'm glad I went because the new shirt is coming out next month.  I perused a few stores but I didn't find much.  I didn't realize it was the beginning of Spring Break so lines for the dressing room and registers were long and I wasn't in a waiting mood.  I made a detour on the way home to the new Dillard's clearance center and was surprised to find a few things in my size.  My mom called me several times and made helpful comments like 'your still shopping?' Yup, that's what happens when I don't have to deal with you sitting in the car.  It was pretty nice.

Sunday Dennis was determined for me to bring Bai to his mom's house to go for a walk even though he wouldn't be able to go near her since he is my little snapping turtle. I would have been more than happy not to deal with any moms but since Bai couldn't go in I wouldn't be able to stay long and she is less than 10 miles from my house.  He did really good.  I stopped at McD on the way home and got him some nuggets, he didn't even look at the employees!  I am so proud of him.  No one is allowed to eat in my car yet but since I had a blanket over his seat I let him chow down.  He is such a baby though, I have to tear his food into little pieces or just stares at it.  

Monday was a telework day ending with an appointment with the therapist.  We had a good visit.  It was more like sitting around chatting but I found it very helpful in getting to know her a little bit better and she kind of got an opportunity to see my personality a little.  The more I see her the more I like her.  

This week has been a test of wills.  The Division SHARP SARC is great but the other district VA and the EEO counselor are a lot.  Like a lot a lot.  Jumping out of the vehicle ossed my mind at one point but I suffered through.  EEO is the type of person who can't stand silence and it makes for very long days stuck in the backseat with her.  The SARC is an amazing trainer and I am not but I had to present the 2 hour training this morning but she had the right instinct in not telling me until we got here so I didn't go into panic mode.  

I have another day of training, we are driving from OKC to Wichita KS for another session tomorrow.  I am teleworking tomorrow, which I know is probably going to get me ire from AP since I wasn't in the office 3 days this week.  I am approved to telework 2 days a week, that is what I am doing.  Field days absolutely should count as office days it isn't my choice to be on the road trip from hell well beyond my normal work hours.  

I will have to go to my mom's this weekend.  She hasn't seen the car yet and I'm sure she will want to check it out.  I drove Kermit to work since I am leaving it out at the office.  Dennis has a few things he wants to do (get a few extra programmed keys, cut a mat for the back storage area, do a little cosmetic things to spruce it up a little bit more.  The rubber piece over the passenger side rear tire that needs a new clip)  My Escape is so boxy that it is taking some getting used to to find the front of the vehicle.  I don't have a 360 camera so it will just have to take some time.  

Next weekend I am trying to decide if I am going to try and get out of my entertainment committee duties because I have asked both moms and my sister to meet for Easter brunch.  We thought about cooking at one of the mom's houses but it is going to be cheaper and much less mentally taxing to just go eat.  The menu looks pretty legit.

OK, I have to move around some I am about to fall asleep and need to move before I start snoring through this section.

✌

weekly check-in

Well I finally caved and bought a car.  It isn't what I would have picked out but it was low mileage and in a price range that I would be able to pay cash for.  We initially went to look at a Nissan Murano but it was too noisy.  I told Dennis there was a Buick Encore with the price and mileage from the list and he talked me into trying it.  I haven't bought a used car in a long time, the last 3 have been brand new, but until interest rates go down I refuse to buy new.  There is nothing wrong with my old car, Kermit, but it is 13 years old with 150K miles and it is starting to show signs of needing all the things that come with an aging car.  I feel like I am officially an old person driving a Buick.  I had a little bit of a meltdown after I bought the car.  For some reason I have an emotional connection to my old car.  Both of our dad's rode in it, all of my dogs/cats rode in it.  I mean it's a lime green SUV, I will never find another car that fits me that perfectly.  I am not getting rid of her though, she is going to live at Dennis's house.  We went this morning and picked up the Buick and I went by and got the tag because the paper tag is going to drive me insane with the flapping.  Dennis is being really weird about it, not wanting me to drive it until the title comes in the mail, there is a paper insurance verification (as opposed to a digital copy) and the tag is on, etc.  He has some really strange ideas that I can only attribute to his dad and how his dad was raised and thus raised him.  When it comes to money and possessions he is very paranoid.  I don't get it but whatever.  I told him I am driving it once we get the tag put on, I am not going to wait for some arbitrary period of time to drive it to work and stuff.  He said "I could drive it to work on Thursday".  Seeing as how I paid for it, thanks?

I am getting a break from my mom this week.  I have no idea what I am going to do with all that time, lol.  I am also taking off on Friday.  I have a stress test that morning and I am just going to take the day because if  I didn't I would have to go to the office.  I don't want to do that.  Maybe I will go get a pedicure and just take in the freedom.  There is a new cruelty free/vegan spa I want to try, I think I will make an appointment for that afternoon.  

Finally did my taxes.  I am always scared of what I will find but it was painless.  State is always  the one that gets me but this year I get $1 back!!  

Last week I got a message from our emergency management office asking if I wanted to go back to Maui.  There is a chance that Brooke could go to and if we could go at the same time we would have so much fun.  I wouldn't be doing the same thing I did before, I would be working in the field which is way more my style.  I am going to meet with EM on Thursday to see what the deal is.  It might interfere with the 2 meeting trips coming up but they will be fine without me.  I didn't plan on having the band removal surgery done until around Memorial Day so it would work out well and the $$ is always nice.  I also heard they are only working 12 hours M-F, 10 on Saturday and 8 on Sunday.  I don't get true time and a half overtime so that is fine with me.  More time to explore.

One of my friends posted the following on social media

I reposted it and my friend Linda sent me a text saying DON'T order that, I already ordered it for you and it will be there 1 April.  It will hold a special place on my desk next to RBG and Hillary Clinton.  I might have to repaint the boots black though, a USACE Ranger can't wear brown boots.  Oddly enough we do have uniform shorts though they are seldom used.  I wore them when I did beach water samples because I had to wade out into the swim beaches but that was pretty much it.  I can't wait though, how cute is she?!?!  

I feel asleep on the couch last night and woke up to Baby Daddy - the only one of the three cats that showed up last summer that we weren't able to rehome, and another cat in what sounded like a vicious fight.  I got up and opened the door and yelled at the other cat to get the fuck out of there.  I saw a lot of fur by the driver's side door of my car.  I will call Dennis a little later and have him check on him.  We built a little shelter for him and he was asleep in that when I left for work.  I hate having an outside animal but Ninja is not going to accept another cat in the house.  He hisses and growls if we come in smelling like BD.  It would be amazing if we could find him a good home but that isn't an easy thing to find and we kind of exhausted our supply of cat friends last year.  Dennis has become really attached to him, I refuse to become attached to an outside animal, it is just too risky.

Trying to take a picture of my shoes but BD was having none of it

This is what happens when I get attached to a cat, lol

Jay made a comment in his blog about the movie Poor Things.  I tried to watch it over the weekend and man I hated it.  I got the same ick as when I tried to watch the documentary about Brooke Shields.  The one redeeming part was the punching the baby line.  I actually had to rewind and watch it again because I snort laughed.  I have felt that so many times.  I didn't watch the Oscars, I'm not a fan of awards shows, but I am salty that Lily Rhineheart was robbed.  Killers of the Flower Moon deserved better!!

Alright, time to get to work.  It should be a pretty easy office week as AP is tdy and I am off on Friday, a three day weekend of freedom, minus the stress test part.

✌

Hump Day

 

My Fair Lady was great.  They had the photo both set up so we got our pre-show picture.  We had another all things cheese meal at the Brook.  HMF had just gotten back from a weekend of BMX racing with A.  She said it was the best trip they had ever taken together with just the two of them and he got a first place finish in a national race.  I still have a hard time coming to terms with him being 14!!  He isn't my cute little sidekick anymore 😢.  Aunt T is no longer cool.

I had another visit with the therapist.  For some reason I am being a lot more open about going this time.  In the passed I haven't really told my Mom or Dennis I was going but this time I am sharing with Dennis the things she's telling me.  She told me that I need to start setting hard boundaries with my mom, which I know.  She suggested that I cut back my mandatory Saturday visits to every other week or to at least take one Saturday a month for just myself.  She said that when she suggested it a flood of relief came over my face.  It's a fine line because I really don't want her to feel like she is an obligation - which she is, but I don't want to make her feel bad, but I also want to be able to have a weekend where I can run errands and do what I need to do without having to cram it all  in on a Sunday.   I will talk to her about it on Saturday when we I do my obligatory meet up.  We will see how it goes

Next week was supposed to be a follow-up with the surgeon to set up the schedule for surgery but the cardiologist didn't give me full clearance yet.  I have to do a stress test and an echo.  I kind of feel like it is overkill.  I won't be able to get that done until the end of March so it will be April/May before I can get the band removed.  I have 2 work trips coming up, the last of which is the first full week of May so I may see if I can have it done the week after so I can go to Seattle.  I don't feel like I am very useful to the group that the meeting is set up for, I was voluntold for the group and I am not very knowledgeable about the database and info we are tracking so if I don't go it wouldn't be a big loss to the group.  However, I love Seattle and haven't been in a very long time.  The doctor's office just called and the appointment is April 8th so the second or third week of May is probably a good bet on timing.

I haven't done my weekly job scan yet.  I need to get that done.  I haven't heard back form the two I applied for but again, I don't hold out much hope.  Getting out of bed was really  hard today for some reason.  I had Ninja cuddled up on one side, Bailey on the other and Olive sleeping on my chest.  When my alarm went off Bai got the sillies and started acting a fool, which made it harder to get out of bed.  It doesn't help that we are the only branch that has to do 3 days a week in the office.  When they announced we had to start doing 3 days a week they said that Little Rock and Fort Worth were already doing it.  It's like they don't know my bff works in the LR office and I talk to her everyday and KNOW they aren't.  Why lie?  Everyone is over it.  There is really no reason for us to be in the office just so they can keep track of us.  I got a text asking me to take calls for the SANE office because they had an all employee meeting, it was 2-5 on a Wednesday so I said sure thinking we wouldn't get a call.  About 1:15 I get a call asking if I can take a call a little early since they would have to leave shortly after starting the exam.  I said sure.  I went to tell AP I needed to leave the office and she was not particularly happy.  A few times when the call was later in the day I had gone on the call and made up the time later in the day and you could tell she was afraid I was going to ask to do that.  I told her I had no intentions of making up any time and I was just going to take leave.  I'm not sure if she is perturbed about me taking calls during the day (I have plenty of leave) of if it was just her afraid I was going to ask about making up time but I get the feeling she is not going to be as forgiving (if that's the right word) of me taking calls during work hours.  I don't really care.  This was another prisoner and I really hate doing those.  I have no idea what to tell them about resources since they can't call or go into the center.  I basically tell them to contact medical but I don't even know if that is 100% where they go.  

My lunch is over so I need to get back to the grind.

✌ 

 Even though I can't think of anything significant, it seems like I have been super busy.  Not sure where to start.

I ordered a custom urn for Truman off of Etsy.  It looks so good.  We miss him so much.

I am getting closer to band removal.  I have had more than my share of medical appointments.  I go in later today for a cardio clearance and that should be the final test.  Earlier this week I had a lung function test and we redid my allergy skin test.  There has been significant improvement to most of the allergens, enough that they are going to give me a 6 month break from allergy shots and see how I do.

The huge reaction is for shellfish.  It might be shrimp specific but I can't remember.  I got an epi-pen and some steroids that I am supposed to carry with me and give my office a copy of my emergency management plan they wrote up.  I know I have reactions to shellfish and avoid it but for the most part I don't ask at restaurants if there might be cross contamination (fry in same grease), except when I am in the gulf because they sneak shellfish in everything.  The doctor said I should probably start doing that because it is highly likely I could react.  I was also told that the reactions on the other side of my arm are false negatives because I am old and they had to do additional tests and go deeper under the skin.  That made me feel amazing.  At any rate, I need to find a way to carry an epi around because I carry a very small cross body that is only a wallet.  I am not a fan of purses anymore and it took me forever to find the Consuela bag I have carried for several years.  I have a Lulu belt bag that I use for travel so I guess I will use that.

No change with weight.  I am not sure why at this point.  We have eaten out so much lately and that generally packs on the pounds.  I also discovered small batch peanut butter that has some really good flavors like cake batter and puppy chow.  I eat it with a spoon and a big ole glass of milk.  It is not low calorie.  We decided to try a new steak place on our annual super bowl outing.  My food was ok but Dennis liked it so much that he wanted to go back for Valentine's Day.  That is so unlike him because he is averse to crowds and hates to wait at a restaurant for a table.  I really thought he would back out but we actually went out for VD probably the first time in our relationship.  We had a very pleasant date.   This is just the tip of the eating out ice burg.   

Work is work.  They are making us come in 3 days a week now, which feels like torture to be honest.  I have put in for a few remote jobs but I don't hold out a lot of hope.  I haven't updated my resume in years and I know it is lacking.  I need to have someone review it and make sure it looks ok since the updates I made were pretty quick.  Last week was the ranger workshop, luckily I didn't have to plan it this year but I had to do 4 hour long presentations.  I guess it went ok, I got good feedback but man I hate the prep to get everything ready.  It is almost travel season, I have several trips upcoming.  The SHARP (sexual assault response prevention) road show starts early next month, I have a week long trip to Maryland/West Virginia and another to Seattle.  I need to figure out how the surgery is going to play into all of that.  I will probably be out of the office more than I am in.  I am more than ok with that.

HMF and I went to see the musical Mean Girls last week.  It was pretty cute.  I haven't watched the new movie version yet but I heard it is not as good as the stage production because they cut some of the songs.  We went to lunch before at our usual spot, we have matinee tickets, and got all things cheese - cheese fries, and chicken fajita nachos.  They were so good.  Not sure how we were able to stay awake with all of those carbs.  This weekend we have tickets for My Fair Lady and my sister said it was the best musical of the season.  I am really excited about it.  I am sure we will eat lunch at the same place, they have a pretty extensive menu and a parking lot that charges $5 for events so it is a good deal.  We only have 2 shows left for the season, To Kill a Mockingbird and Tina.  I told her when we subscribed that I had no interest in seeing Tina so I would give her the tickets and she could take someone else.  There is an add on for Chicago.  My sister asked me if I wanted to go and I told her sure and a few hours later HMF sent me a text that she bought tickets for me for Christmas so it looks like I will see it twice.  I don't have the heart to tell HMF that I already had tickets.  The next season is kind of a dud for me so I probably won't renew.  The line up is Moulin Rouge, MJ, Mrs. Doubtfire, Back to the Future, Clue, Wicked and Les Mis.  I have see Wicked several times, unpopular opinion but Les Mis is boring, MJ is just too problematic as I have a hard time separating the predator from the music, and I did research when we went to NYC and Mrs. Doubtfire and BTTF got terrible reviews.  I will buy individual tickets for Moulin Rouge and Clue.  I did a little digging last night and found out that & Juliet is coming to Dallas next Jan/Feb and tickets were already on sale.  BFF Brooke and Linda both want to go so I went ahead and bought tickets.  I paid the extra $ for insurance because it is a long time away, it was a little over $7/ticket so it is worth the gamble.  

The new therapist is working out well so far.  I have only seen her a couple of times but I really like her.  I go see her again on Monday.  I think it's a good match but we will see.

I got new hair again

This is from her insta.  I like her and she was less expensive than niece. Speaking of, I went with MIL to the niece's baby shower and she didn't speak to me.  They took pictures that and she posted all of them on insta except the ones I am in.  I don't take it personally since I am not blood related but Dennis was pissed.  I think he is looking for a reason to stay mad a them though.  He hasn't spoken to any of them for a few months and he has no plans to.  I just stay out of it.  Since niece is taking off for the baby it is the perfect time for me to find someone else.  

OK, I need to get to the doctor for my last test.  

✌

I can't remember the last time I only had one dog.  It is a strange feeling and Bailey is taking some time to adjust to it.  He has never really been alone, maybe in quarantine.  He is constantly looking back for him when he goes outside.  It makes me sad.  I am also a little miffed that they haven't called me to say T-man is ready to be picked up yet.  Not sure what the issue is with that.  

Finally in a normal routine.  I did my obligatory 2 days in the office this week.  Nothing has changed, lol.  Hard to believe it was the first time I had been in since the day before Thanksgiving.  We did get word that they are trying to make us come in 3 days a week but the union is holding it up as long as they possibly can.  I am not looking forward to that.  Today is my second day in the office and I am multi-tasking while listening to a webinar.  I am going t steal most of it for a break out session I have to teach during the ranger workshop later this month.  Why recreate it?

I spent the day with my mom on Saturday for the first time since I had been back.  Since Heather was in town I got out of doing it for the first little big, then being sick and getting the doctor to tell me to stay out of the brutal cold got me out of a couple of more.  I went to a Dillard's that is transitioning to a clearance center, she always asks for the wheelchair they have when she walks in.  They couldn't find it so she was just ready to leave.  I really didn't need to spend money anyway.  I am not sure what is going to happen when/if I have the band removed and I don't want to spend money on clothes that I can't wear.  That being said, being sick didn't help with the weigh issue.  I am not going to disclose it because I don't want anyone to freak out.  Just know I am eating and trying to put some weight on.  I never thought I would have this issue and I really don't think it will be an issue once the band is removed.  If only I could maintain at 110-115 I would be super happy but we know it's either 95 or 170, no in-between.

Dennis is supposed to go to his cardiologist today.  He hasn't called me yet so I am a little anxious.  He was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy and they want to put him on an external defibulator, I don't think I have to tell you how that is going.  They changed his medication in hopes that it will help, if not they said they would put in an internal one.  The life vest (external defib) place sent me an email and quoted almost $4K for the 3 months he would have the vest.  He is trying to use this as an excuse not to get it but I am on his ass about it.  I have been looking at cars and I told him that I have the money to buy a car, my car has 145,000 miles on it and will last me a few more years I am sure so the money reasoning is out.  He is just stubborn.  

Last Sunday I went to a baby shower for Dennis's niece.  It was awkward af.  He is still refusing to have anything to do with them.  He did talk to his sister for an hour or so while I was in Maui and she said that she felt like there was a trust issue, he said I am not sure what would  make you think that (maybe because he does).  At any rate there are definitely some hostility.  Right before I left for HI I had the niece the shower was for move my extensions up.  I only had a few but she charged me $65!  It took her less than 10 minutes.  I decided that I needed to find someone else to do my hair.  MIL made a comment to Dennis that she had lost a lot of clients when she moved salons and her prices increased.  I literally went on instagram and looked for someone who does vivids.  To be honest it was probably comparable to what I would have paid but the emotional cost was less, lol.  The new girl did a good job but I wasn't really happy with the way she blended my roots.  One of my friends recommended someone and I have an appointment set with her on March 2.  But I digress, I posted a picture of my new hair to instagram and she liked it, she never looks at or likes any of my posts so I know she was just letting me know she was it.  Whatever.  None of them talked to me except his sister and her husband.  I brought a gift and I'm not even sure she thanked me for it but I know I will get a thank you card later.  One of the nieces sat close to me and I asked her a question so she obviously talked to me some but she seemed annoyed, that could just be me though.  As far as the underlying issues, there is so much to unpack.  Not my circus not my monkeys.  I know MIL is upset but she is also the type to ignore issues in hopes they will just go away.  I'm not sure that will be the case here.  

This weekend I obviously have to entertain my mom on Saturday.  She had new lenses ordered for her glasses so I will probably take her to pick them up.  When I went to the eye doctor last week my prescription had changed a lot so none of my current glasses will work as back ups.  The guy at the optical place that we all go to said he would make me a pair for less than $100.  Sounds good to me.  I will get that started while we are there. 

Sunday I am meeting the girl I befriended that did my nails.  She had a rough go of it while I was in Maui and her ex had her arrested for DA.  I haven't been able to meet up with her because of everything that has been going on so I am anxious to hear everything that went on.  I am so glad she is away from him though.  I have been encouraging her to break free from him since we became friends.

Monday I have an appointment with the new therapist.  That has me a little anxious but we will see how it goes.

Not long after I posted the update Truman had another seizure.  We rushed him back to the vet and decided to let him go.  I am a wreck but I know it was the right decision for him.  

 I don't even know where to start.  

I got back from Hawaii December 23.  The flight from Maui left at 7 pm-ish and landed in DFW at 6 am CST.  I was a little nervous I would be stuck (in a middle seat) wide awake but I took an ambien and a valium and was asleep shortly after they served our turkey sandwich.  I started watching the Barbie movie and made it about 30 minutes in and decided to put on the eye mask and fell asleep pretty easily.  They must have made an announcement that we were getting ready to approach because I woke up about an hour before we landed.  I wish I could do that on every flight.  I paid extra for the extra leg room but I probably would have been ok without it.  I called Dennis when we loaded and sent him a text with the flightaware data and asked him to please not make me wait in the cold for too long.  It all worked out.  The upgrade was worth it because it pushed my luggage to the front of the pile.  You can see the luggage go over the gateway in the TUL airport and I walked my suitcase to the carousal.  We stopped and got a soda in a styrofoam cup as god intended, I get why they don't have them in HI and agree with the idea but man I missed them.  Please don't tell the two green sea turtles I 'adopted'

I went to a different stylist, a story for another time.  The results were ok...

Tribal chicken!!  This is on the inside of my arm so it is really hard to get a picture of.  I forget I have it because it is pretty hidden.  I do love it though.

I got home and tried my best to stay awake but I ended up crashing for a few hours.  

The entire trip was just off.  I wasn't in a good head space when I left.  We had Dennis and his heart issue, Truman and the worst seizure I have ever witnessed and probably a brain tumor, HMF telling me two days before I left that she is suicidal, ya know, just minor issues.  I told Dennis several times that I was going to back out but he reminded me that it would be a really big mistake for my 'career'.  It is also a very financially lucrative trip since it is in a very high dollar area and the room I was renting had a full kitchen and a washer and dryer, which helped a lot with expenses.  

The day I got there I could tell the vibe was off.  I am used to being a field person and this was the first real position I have had in office so I just kind of blew it off thinking that was throwing me off.  Turns out 3 out of the 5 people in the office area I sat in hated each other.  One of them I was replacing so we didn't have much interaction but I still got to hear all about it after she left.  Another girl in my office I can only describe as a pick me bitch.  She started lying to me the minute I met her and over stupid stuff.  She got a tattoo before I got there and she was telling me she got the traditional Hawai'ian method stick an poke.  She didn't tell me who did it but she gave me enough information that it didn't take much for me to figure out who/where she had it done.  We got off work at 4:30 on Sunday's so I went to see about making an appointment.  The girl at the front desk was like, nah that didn't happen here.  From out of nowhere liar shows up (her boss was getting a tattoo) and walks me away from the girl I was talking to.  I had already made the appointment because I liked the style she did but I knew exactly what she was doing.  I kept poking the bear though because that's just who I am as a person asking for more details and such.  She told me that they did the tattoo in the shop but she wasn't supposed to because they aren't licensed.  It just kept getting bigger and bigger.  I didn't care enough about her to try and catch her, I mean there really was no catching her because she was an obvious liar.  There was a lot more but that is just kind of how it all started off.  I had to refrain from saying something to her because she works for the guy over the RFO and it was obvious he was buying her bullshit.  I was very proud of how non confrontational I was but I really didn't give a fuck about her so I most set her up to dig herself in a deeper hole.  Then her and the planning chief got into it over some stupid shit and ended up yelling at each other across the table.  Me and Cat, the other constant in our office who was actually a saint just got up and walked off shutting the door behind us.  According to liar liar pants on fire she told PC that if she didn't have her red shirt on she would have kicked her ass.  First of all, ding ding ding, my money is on the other girl so do it, second of all, she should have been on an airplane back home the next day.  There was a lot of energy being spent on things that didn't matter in the scheme of things.  Most of the city lost everything and a good deal of them lost loved ones.  It was just a bunch of crap.  I think I am not suited for office deployments but I am glad I went.  I could do it again but it isn't my first choice.  The next disaster in our area I am trained on the system we use to assign and track jobs.  The two frisky ones left about a week before I did and they were replaced with someone that I never really did get a read on and one that acts just like AP.  I was ready to be rid of that know it all bitch too, but at that point it was all a mess.  At least they didn't have any issues with us wearing noise cancelling headphones.  There were a few people there that I got to be really close friends with and that made it worth the trip.  I would love to go back to the islands with someone and experience some of the stuff with them.  I did get to go snorkeling, one night trip and one day trip, and I saw whales and so many green sea turtles that I just loved to watch.  Oh, and the parking lot chickens.  I miss the chickens most of all, lol.  I still look for them when I pull into a store parking area.  As far as the extension goes my doctor said that HI wouldn't fill a script for a controlled substance from the mainland.  We thought about having Dennis pick it up and mailing it to me but I was nervous they would lose it.  I called his doctor about his heart procedure and they said that really wanted him scheduled asap and had him down for first thing 2 January.  So, I came home.  

About a week before I was supposed to leave for home I ended up having a horrible gerd flare-up.  It was bad enough that I knew I had made the right decision going home.  Before NYE I was spiking 102 fever.  Dennis kept bugging me to go to urgent care but I just didn't have the energy.  Plus he had his procedure on Tuesday so I just toughed it out.  I did get him to the doctor fine, they found no blockage so the issue with his heart is muscular.  They called before close of business wanting us to come in and have him set up for an external defibrillator.  According to the doctor the heart is supposed to pump out 55% of your blood but his is only moving 28%.  They changed his medication around and they will revaluate in 90 days.  If nothing has changed they are going to put in an internal defibrillator.  The symptoms make sense.  The one thing that always confused us was him just getting sick at random times during they day.  He would throw up for a few hours and his color would go real pasty.  Turns out that is a symptom of whatever is going on with his heart.  He doesn't want to do the life vest because it is expensive but I told him he is worth more alive so lets just figure out how to make that happen.  I recorded the doctor going over the results and I'm glad I did.  I still have a ton of questions.  It has been 3 weeks and he still hasn't scheduled to be fit for the vest.  He claims it's a scam.  I can't make him go it and I can't make him wear it so I just nag.  I wish they would just go ahead and schedule the surgery to put the internal one in.

January 3rd I woke up feeling rough.  I had a hard time staying awake and breathing was getting increasingly more difficult.  I called Dennis and told him I needed him to take me to the ER.  He asked if he had time to do something, no idea what it was, and I told him if he was going to be very long I was going to call 911.  I really have no idea how long it took him to get here but we got loaded up and he took me to a satellite hospital on the other side of town.  It is close to my mom's house and we have taken her there and gotten in and out really quick.  There were a few people in the waiting room but when they sent me back to triage they took me right back.  Dennis said he could tell by the look on their face they were not playing.  They couldn't get my oxygen level above 80%.  They tried 2 different machines.  I got x-rays and ct scans and blood work, the works.  Got diagnosed with double pneumonia that had gone septic.  Turns out the hospital we went to was just an upgraded urgent care so I stayed there overnight and was transported to another hospital the next day.  I ended up staying 3 nights.  Dennis was pissed that I let it get that far but I told him it was like turning up the heat in the tub slowly and not realizing you were boiling until it was too late.  I was lucky because it could have been much worse.  I think I have finally convinced them to take the lap band out though.  

I talked my doctor into giving me a note to telework last week and this week so I haven't been into the office since before Thanksgiving.  I am not looking forward to my return.  I know things are bad and I really need to update my resume and make an active effort to find something else.  I can't be miserable for 6 more years.  I am honestly starting to think I am the problem.  I think we all know that can't be right.  

I have an appointment with a new therapist on Feb 5.  The one I went to over the summer just didn't click and the Mr. Roger's one just isn't my vibe right now.  He moved and it is just a PITA to get to him.  I have a new feeling about the new one.  She called and talked to me when I was in Maui and we seemed to gel so we shall see.  

HMF is a whole mess of it's own.  She needs way more than I can give her.  She regrets the day she ever met A and I can tell he feels it.  I am not saying he is a lot but she knew that going into it.  They should have never approved them for the adoption.  She is going through a somewhat religious phase.  She isn't being pushy about it and if it helps them I am all for it.  A will be 14 in a few weeks but HMF says he is still doing stuff like smearing his own feces in the bathroom.  I tried to tell her that isn't normal but she argues that it is in line with his mental/developmental age of maybe 8?  I still say not normal.  I am not around a lot of kids but the ones I am around have NEVER.  Until she can get to a place to seek treatment for herself there isn't a lot I can do.  I don't spend much time around A anymore as Aunt T isn't cool anymore.  I have seen him a few times when he plays hockey locally, but that is few and far between here.  He is still going to a therapist, psychiatrist, etc.  According to her they will not take him as an inpatient.  

Truman had been doing ok.  We opted not to do the ct scan of his head because it will not change the treatment.  All signs point to the brain tumor.  He has a permanent tilt to his head and falls to one side.  He also walks in circles clockwise.  All of these are symptoms of a tumor.  Earlier today he had a small breakthrough seizure so I rushed him to the vet.  They increased his meds and we are going to see how he does on that.  At least with the new meds it is extended release so we don't have to set our alarms every 8 hours to get him his medication.  It makes me so very sad.  

The rest of the crew are doing well.  Olive has decided she likes to sleep in the bathroom sink so I have had to wash my hands and brush my teeth in the bathtub.  She is so cute with her big white belly spilling over the basin.  Ninja decided if O isn't going to cuddle with me at night he was going to.  Mango is just Mango.  Baby Daddy has spent a couple of nights in the house when it was so brutally cold.  The other cats aren't fans but they stay away from each other for the most part.  He got brave enough to jump in bed with me and Ninja had to tell him that was unacceptable.  BD spend the rest of the night in the garage.  

OK, I have to go drop T-man's new script off and try my best to get through some email.  I have lots more I can update but this is long enough already.

    

 Sea turtles and therapy dogs make life better.  I have an appointment with my doctor in January to get my ambien refilled, if I can get it moved to telehealth I am going to extend.  My mom is NOT happy about that but Christmas is an arbitrary date, we will do it another day.  The per diem is 3X what I normally get and with a kitchen in my condo I don't eat out much at all.