I have kind of plateaued at 136 and I am starting to get really frustrated. I had a horrible eating weekend as I talked about in my last post and I am to that WTF even bother point. This little exchange didn't help: While at the concert Friday my mom made a comment about how skinny all they musicians were. I was joking around and made the comment that there was no way that I could get the jeans they were wearing past my hips. She reminded me that my stomach was way bigger then theirs so even if I could I wouldn't be able to button them. Love you too mom.
I am in the process of replacing my clothes and most of the pants I buy are a 6. I never thought I would see that again. I remember when I was a size 18 looking at a 6 and laughing at the very thought of ever wearing them again. Now I look at them and think they must be making them bigger. I ordered a bunch of clothes from the Ann Taylor Loft 60% off clearance sale and accidentally ordered a 4. I didn't even take them out of the plastic shipping thing, I just stuck them in a drawer. Dennis saw me, took them out and made me try them on. I am wearing them today. But I feel FAT. I'm not an idiot, my rational mind knows that a fat girl does not wear a 6 or, for god's sake a 4; but I don't see that girl in the mirror. As a matter of fact I am close to tears just thinking about this.
I am a healthy weight, within my "you are no longer a fat cow" BMI range so why do I feel this way?
I so get this~ just went shopping and bought size 8 jeans and 2 cute size 10 dresses ~ it all looked alright but the chick i saw in the mirror was huge! My friends assured me that I am tiny and that I must have some type of body dysmorphia...I think our heads take a long time to catch up!
ReplyDeletebody dysmorphia is the worst... I find that pictures are much more helpful than looking in the mirror! xx
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