So I have been MIA lately because I have had a lot going on that I haven’t really been ready to talk about. Life hasn’t been sunshine and roses in a very long time with D and I have finally drawn the proverbial line in the sand.
Before I left for my NYC trip, recap to come, we had a serious talk and I told him that I have been really working hard with my body and self esteem issues and I really needed him to step up and get help with me. What I didn’t say was that we have grown stagnant and have been nothing more than roommates for years. Doesn’t mean I don’t love him, or that it couldn’t change, but it is on life support. His anger issues are worse than they have been in years and I have taken the brunt of it and life is too short to tiptoe around adult temper tantrums. I know I am not completely innocent but the last 2 major blow ups were caused by my work computer charge cord not working and me posting that I have covid on facebook. Completely irrational and disproportionate reactions. The last blow up while I am running 105 fever. You don’t do that to someone you care about.
I talked to my therapist over the phone and I sent him the following message
My next appointment with the therapist is Monday August 19 at 2:30. I would really like it if you would meet me there to discuss things, not as a counseling session, more of a neutral space to discuss things. I wanted to give you some time to think about it.
I haven’t heard back. Regardless there are logistical nightmares to work through.
I need a nap.
Sorry you're going through what you're going through. I can't say that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence but I did some reflecting in my journal the other day that the biggest win for me when L. left was a sense of inner peace I hadn't had before. The price was steep but as you say, life is short. And as I wrote most recently I'm recognizing that my problem is with others not taking the responsibility to learn to regulate their emotions better.
ReplyDeleteAnother realization I had is that social media is the CB radio of today. It sucks about as much.
Great chatting with you last night. Love you.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel (and are) safe through the process of working things out with D, whether you end up staying or going.💜
ReplyDelete^^that is Connie, btw. Still can’t log in on phone.
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