I weighed at work this morning. It wasn't pretty and I really don't want to admit what the scale had to say. Since April I have gone from a BMI that was hovering close to the underweight category to being just under overweight. I feel stupid, aggravated, and just plain overwhelmed at letting myself get back up to 130 pounds. I am about ready to throw in the towel and just admit defeat.
Of course I feel fat and ashamed that all of my clothes are too tight and the weight is slowly catching up to me yet again. Yesterday I felt like I literally crammed my fat body into the dress I was wearing. Not a good feeling.
I am going to see my band doctor after work. They want me to speak at the seminar they are having tonight but I really don't feel like I am the right person for the job. Right now my attitude about life is just not good. I am going to ask Dr. A if he can write orders for a full blood work-up to make sure that there is nothing physically wrong. I go home from work, put my pj's on and am asleep by 9, getting out of bed is a chore. I rarely eat dinner. I know there has to be something I am missing. I hate hot weather so it may just be the heat that is getting to me. Granted I have been on an emotional roller coaster for a few months. I am ready for the ride to be over!! I am ready to weigh 108 again and have my size 2 pants and XS dresses fit and not feel like I stuffed 20 pounds of lard into a 5 pound bag. I don't/can't go out and buy an entire new wardrobe.
Starting over sucks.
Of course I feel fat and ashamed that all of my clothes are too tight and the weight is slowly catching up to me yet again. Yesterday I felt like I literally crammed my fat body into the dress I was wearing. Not a good feeling.
I am going to see my band doctor after work. They want me to speak at the seminar they are having tonight but I really don't feel like I am the right person for the job. Right now my attitude about life is just not good. I am going to ask Dr. A if he can write orders for a full blood work-up to make sure that there is nothing physically wrong. I go home from work, put my pj's on and am asleep by 9, getting out of bed is a chore. I rarely eat dinner. I know there has to be something I am missing. I hate hot weather so it may just be the heat that is getting to me. Granted I have been on an emotional roller coaster for a few months. I am ready for the ride to be over!! I am ready to weigh 108 again and have my size 2 pants and XS dresses fit and not feel like I stuffed 20 pounds of lard into a 5 pound bag. I don't/can't go out and buy an entire new wardrobe.
Starting over sucks.
Try to keep your chin up. You have worked so hard. I'm struggling with it all right now too, but I'm doing my best to find something positive every day and that is helping so far.
ReplyDeleteSo frustrating! I hope your doctor gives you some good news and you can get back on track. It's so frustrating when the scale isn't going the way we want it to. :(
ReplyDelete130 is not starting over! You're still doing great. This is a lifelong process and I hope you see some weight loss soon! Hopefully your surgeon has some answers!
ReplyDeletethefatgirlthin.blogspot.com
I think you look amazing! And you are still doing a great job. You will get back on track. One day at a time. Chin up! Hugs Terrie!
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